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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I feel let down...

45 replies

susia · 18/02/2009 20:09

I met a new man a couple of weeks ago, he has a daughter a similar age to my son. The first night we went out and just went for a couple of drinks, the second time we met up with our kids and this evening he was supposed to come round.

He was supposed to come round at 8pm so I rushed round all evening after finishing work, making sure I had had a bath, washed my hair, we'd eaten early and my son was going to be asleep by 8 when he rang at 7.30 to say he had food poisoning.

Although I feel sorry that he is unwell, I feel quite annoyed that he couldn't have even sent a text earlier on so I could have known earlier. Do you think it's just an excuse? AIBU to feel let down

OP posts:

Original poster

susia · 18/02/2009 20:48

he asked what I was doing tomorrow. As my son is off school, we have friends over, am half tempted to say for him to join us or come over tomorrow evening but feel like I'd be pushing it if he says no or he's not well enough...

OP posts:

Thankyouandgoodnight · 18/02/2009 20:58

Oh for goodness sakes invite him over - at least he can meet people in a relaxed way or you can do something together in the evening (or both).

You may find he doesn't want to be with something who thinks he's lying....and if he knew....

WinkyWinkola · 18/02/2009 20:59

Yeah, let him ask you.

mej3 · 18/02/2009 21:00

Sounds like you're really keen to see him and he has asked what you are doing tomorrow, so just casually but encouragingly make him aware that it would be nice if he felt up to joining you. If he did not want to see you, I don't think he would give a toss what you are doing tomorrow.

myfunnynametaken · 18/02/2009 21:00

He may have deliberately left it as late as he could to see if he was going to get any better. Probably couldn't win either way.

I agree with the others though, it's early on in your relationship so give him a chance.

nkf · 18/02/2009 21:04

I would say do nothing. If he wants to see you again, he'll call.

Original poster

susia · 18/02/2009 21:19

trouble with mumsnet is you get so much conflicting advice! was just about to text saying 'hope you feel better and if you're up to it come over tomorrow' then read your post nfk ...

OP posts:

mej3 · 18/02/2009 21:29

You were almost texting because that is what you want to do, MN gives different points of view, but only you know the man, and only you know what feels right for you. I don't think what you were about to text sounds OTT, it sounds totally fine. You'll only end up not enjoying the next few nights 'cos you're dying to text him. If he puts you off, then you know now. Just my opinion, but he has asked what are u doing tomorrow. Hope it works out.

nkf · 18/02/2009 21:31

But "what are you doing tomorrow?" is just checking her availability. He's not asking to see her.

Minxie1977 · 18/02/2009 21:32

Food poisoning can come on really quick - I'd always give someone the benefit of the doubt. I would have felt let down in your shoes though Susia - there's nothing worse than looking forward to something and it being cancelled - especially at the last moment!!

I'd let him call you though. There's no harm in sending a "hope you're feeling better text", but as he let you down he should invite you out next. I've also always avoided being too available - men can sometimes think they can arrange/cancel at the last second in those circumstances and that's not a situation I feel comfortable in.

Ladyface · 18/02/2009 21:37

Don't do anything rash until you've seen him. This happened with my husband, he got food poisoning not long after we'd met. I was sceptical too, thinking he'd lost interested until we did meet up and he'd dropped about a stone! Give him the benefit of the doubt.

Original poster

susia · 18/02/2009 21:38

oops just sent a text saying 'hope you feel better soon, shame you couldn't make it and if you're better tomorrow you're welcome to come over then'

now I feel far too available!!! hope I didn't do the wrong thing

OP posts:

Minxie1977 · 18/02/2009 21:46

If it feels right it's never wrong

It's only my opinion and I'm going from info on a thread - you know yourself and the chap in question - as mej3 put it earlier

Original poster

susia · 18/02/2009 21:53

thanks minxie1977, think I should have left the last bit off. But I do think he likes me and me him, and did believe him just disappointed by the last minute cancelling. He did cancel a date before as well as he is having problems with his ex...

OP posts:

Lovesdogsandcats · 18/02/2009 21:54

he's cancelled twice...hmmm what reason the first time?

Original poster

susia · 18/02/2009 21:58

the first reason was that he has recently separated (about 6 months ago) from his ex and her oldest son is in trouble with drug taking etc. He cancelled because unexpectedly he was looking after his daughter for a couple of weeks while his ex dealt with her son (not his).

Not sure if I'm being a mug or desperate or he's being genuine.

OP posts:

Minxie1977 · 18/02/2009 22:03

That could be genuine, we're all scared of being a mug for someone we like. In future though- I'd hold off being too available as being cancelled on clearly upsets you. He needs to know your time is important to you, not just something he can take up or not when it suits.

Lovesdogsandcats · 18/02/2009 22:39

Ahhh, thats ok then (on my radar anyway )

I thought when you said ex problems you meant him AND her. I can fully understand him having to have his daughter at the last min and cancelling.

Go by gut instinct, what does it tell you?

Original poster

susia · 18/02/2009 23:23

gut instinct is that he's genuine but I can't remember any time when I've been too ill to send a text (and I had pneumonia last year and I do know what food poisoning is like - it's awful but surely a text saying you're unwell is not too hard).

Anyway really don't want to come across as over keen but I guess I have already!

OP posts:

DandyLioness · 18/02/2009 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

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