To think my friend should not be receiving a disabled carer's allowance?

[TiggyR]

I have just found out that my friend receives £500 a month as disabled carer's allowance for her teenaged daughter. She has a genetic condition which I will not name for fear of someone recognising her in this post. She has had various health and physical developmental problems in the past admittedly, which led eventually to a diagnosis. Once diagnosed the problems were dealt with and are now under control. The bottom line is that she looks, and sounds like any other teenager, she is in mainstream school, taking mainstream qualifications, she has no sensory problems, no mobility problems, no communication problems. She is not considered to have any major learning difficulties or behavioural ones, and is of normal intelligence. she receives a bit of SEN help, no more than my own child who is mildly dyslexic. She does not require any specially adapted items for the home or travel, she is not in pain, she goes out and about independently and her parents are not unduly inconvenienced or limited in their lifestyle by her condition.

Her only real issues are social and emotional ones, she seems somewhat immature and finds it hard to make close and lasting friendships with girls her own age. They all seem so much more sophisticated in comparison, and she can sometimes struggle to understand subtle social signals, read body language etc. Having said that she is outgoing and talkative, goes to parties, sleepovers, joins clubs etc and lives a perfectly normal and fulfilling life.

Loads of teenagers have those issues to contend with but because they don't have a label attached to them their parents don't get money for it! My friend now seems happy to define her child as 'disabled' whereas I have known this family for years and previously I feel they would have baulked at the word. I can't help feeling a bit cynical TBH.

I don't mean to be uncharitable. I know it devastating for them to discover that their child had to deal with a lifelong condition and all the negative things that go with it, and I don't blame them one bit for taking the attitude that they'll claim what they are entitled to. I know I would, as a way of softening the blow, and to be able to give her treats and pay for hobbies etc, when she's feeling a bit lonely or left out.

I'm just not sure I'm comfortable with the 'disabled' label and the notion that she needs extra care, requiring extra money. She may always be at a bit of a disadvantage socially due to her condition but she will be perfectly capable of living independently and doing a normal job as an adult. I'm not questioning their motivations, rather the assessment procedure and the criteria in place here .....am I being mean?

Why's she getting so much? CA is £40 oddish a week (taxed) and there are all sorts of rules on getting it (I can't for example despite caring for my son - because I am studying more than 15 hours a week - I do the same amount of caring as I was when I wasn't studying, come home early to care for him and start again when he is in bed- he is severely disabled and will require 24 hours care for the rest of his life).

I'm not sure you have the full story as the figures don't make sense.

carers alowanceis not£500 pcm,i get £51 a week

it is assessed on the basis on dla which IME requires paediatric evidence and often a lot mopre

socialand emotional difficulties can be devastating, isn't that in many way ASD under a different definition? Well I get CA for that.

I wopuldnt judge- its ahrd to know the true effects and I suspect she'sspinning you a few wrong 'uns from what I have read here

So yes YABU as the facts you give ae not right: not necessarily your fault by CA id not £500

i think the £500 a month is the only thing you're concerned about.

stay out of it.

(mrs T there is an income assessed portion which is why I get £51 I think)

£500 a month?

You are right to question the assesment.
I work in social care and often fight to get half this for people who have truly debilitating conditions.

Sounds very unusual, could there be anything you are'nt aware of?

accurate figures

now, if daughter gets dla at higherrate and mobility at lower she might add tat to ca to get @ £500 but the dla belongs to the child

YABU. I'ld be inclined to give benefit of the doubt and assume that there are factors/difficulties this girl has that you aren't fully aware of.

mind your own business

I am sure that's the amount she said. I was a bit gobsmacked TBH, I didn't give her the third degree over it, I thought it was rude. Is it possible it could include travel expenses to regular hospital appointments or some such thing? (She is on long term medication and has regular assessments).

AIBU to think you friend really doens't need a 'friend' like you

expenses onl;y if you'reon IS- DLA expected to cover that type of thing IIRC

If she'son IS though she won't get actual CA but a premium: I think they take away the CA but give you a smaller amount or somesuch because CA is taxable

Emotional ? social diificulties can seriopsuly affect a carers life: they can prevent a childa ccessing nursery provision for example and thats enough to screw you, frankly (from my own experience!)

Sounds like she's including DLA. I get higher rate DLA care and higher rate mobility (well ds1 does) but tbh to get higher rate is not easy and to keep it is not easy so I would assume there is a lot you're not aware of and butt out tbh.

No. Carers allowance is £50.55 a week. An extra £30 a week can be paid if the carer has a spouse, but not, I think, if that person is working. CA is means tested.

you can only get it if the person you care for (for 35+ hours a week) is on middle or high rate dla or atttendance allowance (i think, not sure on AA)

If you are thinking £500, you are probably thinking carers allowance plus DLA - which is the daughter's money, not the mother's.

You have no idea how much help someone can need socially in order to look to an outsider like they don't need any help . If you think that care only means wiping someone's arse, you are sadly mistaken.

She may well be playing the system, if she is - that's disgusting, but do not think that because the daughter looks 'normal', that she doesn't need help. A high level of input may be the REASON she now functions so well. If she had never had that, where would she be now? If you took that input away and said, right you're on your own now - how would she be?

I agree with anyfucker

Is it that you're a little put out she gets so much. Everyones struggling at the mo, I sometimes get a little frustrated that my friend has her fella living with her, yet she claims all sort of working tax credits, family tax credits etc as a single parent. She even told me she loves her benefits and she gets more 'top ups' than wages .

She's shafting the system but I keep my nose and and bite my tongue. I have often told her what I thought when she constantly rubs my face in it saying she is having 4 holidays this year an I can't afford one.

Is it because you are concerned she might be getting more than she's entiltled, because we could all do with a whopping £500. a month extra.

I thought DLA was very strict in the way it's worked out anyway.

I do wonder how many people would be to know the support we get without knwoing the bys tbh as their needsa are only evident when you get to know them (well bar ds3's bits anyway)

But really DLA is for the childsa needs: they add up!. I but lots of replacement furnityure /clothes as they destroy the,. books for myself and SENCO, special foods for tehir dietary needs,treats for them and brothrs as they miss out on so much (we got a weekend in Butlins last year to cover for the fact ds1 couldnt ahve a birthday party (he doesnt know this but nobody would come).

There arepoeple who fiddle DLA of course but I'm at a loss as to how as most poeple I know get less than they are entitled to (including us atm)

yabu
keep your nose out

To the people who have commented stay out of it, and mind your own business, I'll say this:

I agree I may not have the full facts but the CA is funded by the tax payer and therefore how it is apportioned IS (indirectly) my business, and in the public domain. I assume you feel entitled to have an opinion on the Fat Cat Bankers who have earnt millions of pounds in bonuses and are now being bailed out by the government, on the basis that you are a tax payer and the info is in the public domain, even if you do not have the full facts, and are not an expert in the workings of financial institutions? Stop being so defensive.

But it's stillodd you would say this about a friend- either she's not a friend or you're not.

If you really think she'sfiddling report her but we'veproved concisively that she is not getting £500 pcm in CA.

And remember- you only AIBU if you are happy to be told yes.

sigh. 1)DLA is given after filling in a very lengthy detailed form, with various professionals commenting on the disabled person's needs. Often the form needs to be completed again a couple of years down the line. I.e. it is only given after lengthy official scrutiny.

2)The intimate details of this girl's medical/psychological needs are not really any of our business.

shinyshoes - your friend is not playing the system if she gets more top-ups than wages - that is the system: whether you like it or not. However, if she is benefiting from a partnership while claiming to be 'single', that is wrong, and - though I understand your reluctance - I would be inclined to report it.

OP: YABU, I'm afraid.

I don't understand these kamikaze threads. I presume from your post that you don't think she's fiddling the system, so the only conclusion I can draw is, you are a little envious of the £500: this makes you sound a little mean-spirited. Would you rather have a child with an incurable genetic condition? Your DC has dyslexia - wouldn't you pay £500 to "take it away", if you could and if you thought it hindered them? Why begrudge another person something to which - like it or not - they are entitled, according to the current system?

As far as I understand it (and regardless of what the DM would have us believe), it is very difficult to claim disability and carer benefits and allowances. Therefore, if she has been assessed at this level, I would assume the necessary checks and procedures had been followed.

Lots of people are going to pile onto this thread, TiggyR, and it may get ugly.

Hope the posting was cathartic for you...

I don't know what you can honestly do about it to be honest, She would have needed all sorts of doctors notes, consultants notes etc to get it surely. (don't know the rules and regs regarding DLA)

Its not like you can ring up and say X is claiming this and that and she claims she living alone. This is a whole different scenario. I don't know what you can do, do you want to do something about it or a generally pissed off?

I do hear where you are coming from though, If she is getting money she isn't entitled too then that isn't on, I'm a taxpayer so it all comes out of the public purse. It pisses me off that taxes go up to cover benefit fraud etc.

yabu
for all reasons already offered by everyone else on this thread

If she is getting money that she is not entitled to then I think it is disgraceful.