I have just found out that my friend receives £500 a month as disabled carer's allowance for her teenaged daughter. She has a genetic condition which I will not name for fear of someone recognising her in this post. She has had various health and physical developmental problems in the past admittedly, which led eventually to a diagnosis. Once diagnosed the problems were dealt with and are now under control. The bottom line is that she looks, and sounds like any other teenager, she is in mainstream school, taking mainstream qualifications, she has no sensory problems, no mobility problems, no communication problems. She is not considered to have any major learning difficulties or behavioural ones, and is of normal intelligence. she receives a bit of SEN help, no more than my own child who is mildly dyslexic. She does not require any specially adapted items for the home or travel, she is not in pain, she goes out and about independently and her parents are not unduly inconvenienced or limited in their lifestyle by her condition.
Her only real issues are social and emotional ones, she seems somewhat immature and finds it hard to make close and lasting friendships with girls her own age. They all seem so much more sophisticated in comparison, and she can sometimes struggle to understand subtle social signals, read body language etc. Having said that she is outgoing and talkative, goes to parties, sleepovers, joins clubs etc and lives a perfectly normal and fulfilling life.
Loads of teenagers have those issues to contend with but because they don't have a label attached to them their parents don't get money for it! My friend now seems happy to define her child as 'disabled' whereas I have known this family for years and previously I feel they would have baulked at the word. I can't help feeling a bit cynical TBH.
I don't mean to be uncharitable. I know it devastating for them to discover that their child had to deal with a lifelong condition and all the negative things that go with it, and I don't blame them one bit for taking the attitude that they'll claim what they are entitled to. I know I would, as a way of softening the blow, and to be able to give her treats and pay for hobbies etc, when she's feeling a bit lonely or left out.
I'm just not sure I'm comfortable with the 'disabled' label and the notion that she needs extra care, requiring extra money. She may always be at a bit of a disadvantage socially due to her condition but she will be perfectly capable of living independently and doing a normal job as an adult. I'm not questioning their motivations, rather the assessment procedure and the criteria in place here .....am I being mean?