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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make dd1 stay in her bedroom for the rest of the day?

40 replies

Lovemyshoes · 15/02/2009 14:25

DD1 (9, nearly 10) watched what she wanted on television for a while this morning and has been upstairs for the last hour, I decided to put on one of my old favourite films and 10 minutes into it she came down with dd2(6).

They wanted something on disney channel and I explained no I was watching something. DD2 accepted this but DD1 went into a rage,stamping about and shouting etc.

I have literally had enough of her, she is constantly obnoxious, arguing back and picking on her sister, I took them to the pictures yesterday, and, afterward went to see a friend, because she had done what she wanted she threw a tantrum and started arguing and being nasty to me.

I have now, just sent her to her room, would it be unreasonable to make her stay there with no television etc. And just let her have her tea downstairs.

I am fed up of constantly battling with her and her attitude.

OP posts:
mummysaidno · 15/02/2009 14:31

No you are def nbu, now go and enjoy your film

NeedCoffee · 15/02/2009 14:31

No YANBU, I have the same problems with dd1(nearly 9) She is so ungrateful and selfish.

llareggub · 15/02/2009 14:33

One thing that really stands out about your post is the repeated reference to the television. Is it very much a feature in your house?

Original poster
Lovemyshoes · 15/02/2009 14:33

Thank you.

She has just come down, all tears and apologies, but, I know within 10 minutes she will be back to her ways.

OP posts:
mummysaidno · 15/02/2009 14:36

Dont give in ! My dd is just like this and not watching tv wont do her any harm, tell her to read a book

Simplysally · 15/02/2009 14:36

I wouldn't make her stay in the bedroom as a punishment (we were never sent to our rooms as kids) but you're quite in order otherwise. Maybe she was just over excited yesterday after the film?

Original poster
Lovemyshoes · 15/02/2009 14:40

llareggub, yes television is a feature in our house, and we do watch far too much, I have tried to tell DH but doesn't/won't listen as he himself is television addict. I would be quite happy not to have the television on at all.

Simplysally, she wasn't over excited, unfortunately she is like this all the time, I've had to send her to her room otherwise she would be sat with us constantly pestering, answering back etc.

OP posts:
Spidermama · 15/02/2009 14:42

Swutch off the telly and do something nice together. Bake a cake. Go for a walk. What a boring Sunday to sit and watch TV. There's more to life.

Simplysally · 15/02/2009 14:43

She sounds like my daughter .

It's hard to advise really - maybe have some hours when the TV is on and when it's not? Even a rota for who chooses a programme?

barnsleybelle · 15/02/2009 14:43

YANBU.. God, we never watched any tele at the weekend as children as my dad had the sport on all day!!

I wouldn't make her stay in her room all day, but tell her to find something else to do. If she creates send her back up til she apologises again.

By the way llarggub... what exactly was the post of your post?

TrillianAstra · 15/02/2009 14:48

No need to get all judgey judgey just because there's a lot of television being watched.

Being sent to room until teatime (or some other alternative that means she doesn't get any attention for her bad behaviour) sounds fine.

barnsleybelle · 15/02/2009 14:51

Well said trillion...

What i meant llarggub was, what was the point of your post?

Coldtits · 15/02/2009 14:52

It's television

not crack

Some perspective please people?

I think you are not being reasonable to send her off until she can behave herself, rest of day is harsh.

Thunderduck · 15/02/2009 15:36

I think all day is too harsh. A few hours yes.

Geepers · 15/02/2009 15:46

Way, way, way too harsh. No child should be banished to a room alone for the whole day. How do you think she's feeling up there alone while the rest of the house carries on as normal?

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/02/2009 15:52

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dashboardconfessionals · 15/02/2009 15:52

This reply has been deleted

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ladymariner · 15/02/2009 16:01

yanbu, but maybe all day is atoo long. Definately leave her there till tea-time then go and talk to her and see how she is then. If she's calmed down then let her come downstairs, if she kicks off again then its tea and bed!!
And you can watch dancing on ice in peace

thisisyesterday · 15/02/2009 16:09

yes, it would be very unreasonable to make her stay there all day.
I would have told her that if she cannot be civil then she can go upstairs and calm down. when she is ready to act nicely she may come down again.

once your film is over I'd go and talk to her and explain that how she behaved is not very pleasant.
but making her stay in there all day isn't really teaching her anything is it?

llareggub · 15/02/2009 16:14

To those who queries the point of my post, it was to point out the link between the television watching and the bad behaviour. Had I not been so tired from being up all night with a toddler refusing to sleep, then I might have expanded on this further.

Anyway, the OP doesn't seem bothered by the lack of detail or point to my post so I shall retire.

gagarin · 15/02/2009 16:15

Don't be too harsh.

From her point of view I expect she sees the TV in the daytime as belonging to the dcs - I'm assuming you don't watch TV during the day?

So she played happily upstairs - then presumably made a plan to coma and watch something on TV only to find (quite unexpectedly?) you were watching daytime TV.

So yes she should be sent upstairs to calm down and then apologise. But the rest of the day sounds quite harsh.

Leo9 · 15/02/2009 16:27

I have a six yr old and i have to say I would never expect to be able to sit down and watch one of my films during the day...not in a million years.

However I am certainly not saying my way is right! I don't know - I do tend to feel the day is for family stuff and I'd watch a film for me in the evening, am I a mug? Is this how others do it or do most people expect to sit and watch a film on a Sunday? i am truly interested to know.

BTW do agree that a kid shouldnt' be sent to their room for a whole day. Way, way too harsh and unrealistic and also over the top - could all be sorted and forgotten within an hour tops, rather than dragging on all day.

Nekabu · 15/02/2009 16:29

I think some of you are missing the reaction of the OP's dd on being told 'no':

"DD1 went into a rage,stamping about and shouting etc"

That is not acceptable and she needs to learn pdq not to do that when she doesn't get her own way. The OP posted at 1425. At 1433 the dd had been downstairs (after being told to remain in her room) and tried to sweet talk her way out of her punishment.

As the OP told her dd to stay in her room for the rest of the day, then the rest of the day it should be. Have tea early and she can come downstairs then. It's only a few hours.

Don't set punishments you won't stick to though. That will make the meekest of children start to push to see how far they can make you give.

Leo9 · 15/02/2009 16:39

but the point is it is a ridiculous punishment to give, positively victorian. I think it is worse to stick to a punishment like that. Of course she shouldn't stay in her room all day just because her mother said so in a moment of anger. That would be truly cruel.

What would be better in this situation would be mum giving it a certain length of time and then going up and having a good chat through the situation. The DD, AND the mum are at fault here, TBH.

Nekabu · 15/02/2009 16:45

It's only a few hours. The OP posted at 1425. An early tea and downstairs from then on is a few hours!