To make dd1 stay in her bedroom for the rest of the day?

[Lovemyshoes]

DD1 (9, nearly 10) watched what she wanted on television for a while this morning and has been upstairs for the last hour, I decided to put on one of my old favourite films and 10 minutes into it she came down with dd2(6).

They wanted something on disney channel and I explained no I was watching something. DD2 accepted this but DD1 went into a rage,stamping about and shouting etc.

I have literally had enough of her, she is constantly obnoxious, arguing back and picking on her sister, I took them to the pictures yesterday, and, afterward went to see a friend, because she had done what she wanted she threw a tantrum and started arguing and being nasty to me.

I have now, just sent her to her room, would it be unreasonable to make her stay there with no television etc. And just let her have her tea downstairs.

I am fed up of constantly battling with her and her attitude.

That would be a few hours of utterly lazy parenting then Nekabu

It would do nothing, acheive nothing, that could not be acheived in one hour. No child needs longer than that to feel excluded, punished, lonely, heart-broken, have time to think. Then you can go in, talk about it and learn

How utterly, utterly miserable that a parent would think that hours on end was ok.

what happened op? i see you posted she'd come down and apologised after 10 mins, did you send her back up again?

I'd have gone for an hour too but the OP set the punishment. I don't think it's good to be swayed out of it because it leads to children pushing and pushing to get the adult to give in and that's what the OP's dd sounds like she is already doing. She was already downstairs within less than 10 minutes of the OP posting.

In the past I have banned my son from watching any TV or going on the computer for 24 hours for similar behaviour. He is seven years old and it works really well as punishment.

It is hard work as a parent because it means I cannot use the TV or computer as baby sitter. He ends up doing nice art and craft activites or playing outside or with his toy castle or reading instead which is probably better for him.

In the circumstance of a child unreasonably hogging the TV then withdrawing TV completely for 24 hours certainly fits the crime.

I don't think that sending a nine year old to her room is unreasonable, but all day is excessive. The usual rule of thumb for time out is one minute for each year of life.

I also think with children that its a important not to brood on bad behaviour from the previous day. The bad behaviour should be punished on the particular day and then the child forgiven.

As you've already said girls do something then you do . Why don't you swap that over do your thing first and if she behaves she gets her thing if she doesn't then it's down to her that she doesn't get to do her thing as she knew the rules and consequences. A great lesson. I started doing this and it quickly took on.

It's just not necessary to stubbornly, rigidly stick to this IMO - it teaches the child nothing other than as an adult you can dish out unfair punishments in the heat of anger and not have it in you to admit when you were wrong.

It would teach FAR more in this situation IMO if the parent went up, took the child's apology, and said "You made me so very angry that I said stay up here for the day, which I would never normally do. Luckily you are so good at realising what you've done wrong and so good at apologising that I can let you come down now anyway".

I cannot see how that could be teaching the child anything bad at all, it seems a very constructive way out of it all.

It teaches a child that she can behave as she pleases - and as soon as she apologises she will be immediately forgiven and her punishment will be over.

All day until bedtime is too harsh. Until an early teatime isn't, IMHO. She's been bratty.

LAzy parenting isn't sending them to their room where they don't want to be. LAzy parenting is capitulating because it's easier than dealing with a stroppy nearly 10 year old not getting her own way.

I've learned to say no without saying no, which works better.
dd1 'can I watch bugs life'
me 'yes sweetheart, you can after my programme has finished'
dd1 'how long til it finishes?'
me about 20 mins so why don't you do a jigsaw then the time will pass quicker'
dd1 OK.

Op do you say no and then give in?

or give threats and then not follow them through?

if yes then the issue is with you as she has learnt that is the way to get her own way.

This really pisses me off. The kids can be doing something for hours peacefully but you can guarantee that as soon as I sit down to watch Andromeda, they'll 'suddenly' want to watch TV

YANBU

I agree that all day is maybe a bit much for a 9 year old.

I am very good at handing out 'unreasonable' punishments on temper, but then I will go and taslk to my dcs and explain that I was angry and I'm sorry then we talk about their behaviour and generally sort things out.

I think it is a good lesson for my way too temperamental dd to learn that everyone is capable of losing their temper and that is normal, but you must apologise for hurting / upsetting people in a temper.

what I described though coldtits wasn't capitulating - it was a more reasonable length of punishment with a talk at the end when they could actually have benefitted from the whole situation. I agree that capitulating immediately would have been just as lazy as the other option.

Carbonel's approach is what i was talking about - and dillydaydreamer I like your style!

leo LOL as its quite easy with mine cos she is only 3yo!

That is foul behaviour, and needs to be dealt with (as I know from personal experience - my DS can be vile when things don't go his way). However, I wouldn't send a child to their room. I think their bedrooms are their own special places where they can go to be safe and sleepy (and away from pestering siblings) - I wouldn't like to associate a bedroom with punishment.

I don't think I'd go in for an all-day punishment either, though I can see the appeal . I have been known to send myself off to my bedroom just to calm down enough not to shout at the children and inflict disproportionate punishments on them.

But I do wish I had a solution to foul behaviour. I have thought of letting DS have a go on the computer only in order to ban him from it as a punishment once he's got really addicted!!