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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking this driver was RIGHT to shout at DD

39 replies

dilemma456 · 14/02/2009 17:48

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OP posts:
Original poster
dilemma456 · 14/02/2009 17:48

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfGhosts · 14/02/2009 17:50

I think that as long as you, as her mother, are happy with his response and feel that it taught her a valuable lesson, then that should be good enough for others. After all - she's YOUR dd!

nannyL · 14/02/2009 17:53

agree... if it stops her getting run over in future and you dont have a problem, then there is no problem!

Rindercella · 14/02/2009 17:53

YANBU - terrifying for you. Someone I know was out with his two DDs a few weeks ago. About to cross the road, the elder girl (11 years old) asked if she could press the button at the pelican crossing. Her father said yes, so she pressed the button & then just went, without looking, without waiting for the man to turn green. A car hit her and threw her about 30 yards down the road. There was nothing the driver could've done. There was nothing her father could've done. Thankfully the girl was only badly bruised (and obviously very very shocked).

Her father said he really thought that was it. Bloody terrifying. And bloody lucky.

bitofadramaqueen · 14/02/2009 17:53

I suspect the driver probably got a bit of fright, thinking he'd come very close to hitting a young child hence the shouting.

gingernutlover · 14/02/2009 17:53

i think he reacted on the spur of the moment and although it isnt pleasant to shout at other peoples children like that, you are probably right, he probably had far more effect than you would have has if you had shouted

dont worry about the woman next to you, afterall she doesnt have a dd whos foot nearly got hit by a car

and i'm guessing you are shakey about what could have happened rather than him shouting. We all have close calls and its understandable you are shaky still

gingernutlover · 14/02/2009 17:55

at your post rinercella - thank goodness she was okay, and to think that most 11 year olds walk to school without their parents - lucky girl

BrownSuga · 14/02/2009 17:56

I think it's quite good, might sink it a bit more rather than just hearing it endlessly from mummy and daddy.

I'm dreading all the dangers I have yet to help protect DS from, every time I see something bad in the news I add it to my "Things I must teach DS" list

smartiejake · 14/02/2009 17:59

dilemma- it's nice to know that there are some sensible mums out there who are not so precious about their children that they object when someone tells off their child when justified in doing so.

You are probably right- she will probably remember not to do it again. The man who shouted was probably very shaken after nearly hitting her and I think lots of us might have been inclined to yell under the same circumstances.

Glad your DD is OK.

curlygal · 14/02/2009 18:09

If that had happened to me and DS (3.5) I think I would;'ve been shocked but not annoyed with the man for shouting.

I am forever telling DS not to do things and he just blythly ignores me - a car screeching to a halt and the driver shouting at him woudl have more effect than my constant reminders..

OrmIrian · 14/02/2009 18:14

YANBU. It will have much more effect from driver than you. My DS once slipped away from me and ran out between cars in a car park. Woman driver who had to screech to a halt, parked up and came to ask me if I wanted her to speak to him. I said yes and she very gently but firmly told him how silly it was to do that. He didn't say a word for about an hour and held my hand firmly all round Safeway. Does no harm at all.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 14/02/2009 18:16

I agree, will probably sink in better as it has not come from you, my DD tends to tune out when I tell her off or ask her to stop something.

Nekabu · 14/02/2009 19:16

I had a similar situation where a little girl nearly ran out straight into my car. They were both waiting by the side of the road but she just dived into the traffic. Luckily her mother grabbed her back and I did an emergency stop without anyone shunting me but I was shaking as I wound the window down and told her (not shouted) that I had very nearly hit her and that she was very, very lucky her mummy had managed to save her. Her mother was white and shaking and telling her the same thing and she could see by my face that she'd scared me. I think that is one little girl that learnt a lesson very thoroughly that day. But my goodness it still makes me shudder when I think how very close I was to hitting her.

2shoesformyvalentine · 14/02/2009 19:20

yanbu and are very sensible.
hope you have stopped shaking

Original poster
dilemma456 · 14/02/2009 19:57

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chefswife · 14/02/2009 20:12

quite a shocking way to learn a lesson but awesome it worked out.

noonki · 14/02/2009 20:14

dilemma - My Ds is the same age and tbh I think it is good for them to have a good scare as my DS is getting a bit cocksure of the road.

My pet hate on those crossing is when people cross before the cars stop.

A friend of mine is now in a wheelchair (broken spine) from being hit by a driver who went through a red light.

LadyGooGoo · 14/02/2009 20:20

YANBU - Saw woman at crossing today with 2 in pushchair and 3 other under 5s milling around terrifyingly close to busy road, while mum/world's worst childminder tried to light a fag .
Sometimes a good row is what's needed - road safety's too important

morningpaper · 14/02/2009 20:22

YANBU

so clearly this must be in the wrong topic

minesacheeseandpicklesandwich · 14/02/2009 20:23

The other way around - when I was quite young (around 6 or 7 I think) I was at the bus stop with my mother on a busy road in town and was pulling at her jacket about something or other. I did this quite violently and my mother, in turning to stop me, lost her footing on the kerb and went over into the road. We are both very lucky that nothing was coming just at that moment and when she got up she gave my leg a good slap. Again, Dilemma, it was the woman next to us at the stop who looked disgusted at my mother's behaviour but it has to be said, I needed the shock.

She has never had to slap me again.

onepieceofbrusselssprout · 14/02/2009 20:44

One of my neighbour's children is about 6 years old and allowed to roam fairly "free range". On one occasion he and his friend were cycling backwards and forwards across the road without looking. (thankfully it is a fairly quiet road)

They did this directly in front of my car. It was never a near miss as I had been observing them and was driving very slowly like 5mph. However I did stop, wind my window down and have fairly stern words (not shouting) - they looked a bit sheepish and I think I did the right thing, so I think yanbu.

Original poster
dilemma456 · 14/02/2009 21:07

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Qally · 14/02/2009 21:35

I think you are being incredibly REASONABLE, refreshingly so. It must have scared this man a lot for him to get out and address it - and she is a lot less likely to do it again! Good for you in not instantly reacting with a my-kid-right-or-wrong defence. (And you can't have eyes in the back of your head - it wouldn't be better parenting not to model looking for the green man, you know? Plus you can't predict a kid doing everything they do - they're, well, unpredictable.)

EustaciaVye · 14/02/2009 21:41

Probably just the lesson your DD needed NOT to do that again.

ThingOne · 14/02/2009 22:18

How frightening all round. I think being very scared of cars and roads is not a bad thing. I was gutted one time when I completely lost it with my DS1 over a car thing but everyone I spoke to, to share my guilt, said they thought that virtually terrifying them over roads was the only option. I'm still a bit eek about the whole thing but he hasn't done anything so crazy since, and it's more than six months ago. Let's hope your DD takes it to heart as much too.