in thinking that there might be something 'wrong' with this girl (bit long)

[mamas12]

A family member, is 11 in June and will be going to secondary school in sept. Now tell me if I abu but she cannot/ is not able to do anything for herself yet. Let me clarify, she is acting and being treated (maybe that's the problem) like a toddler with regards to still cutting up her food for her getting her drinks opening things for her, she is always spilling her drinks and various other random liquids by accident and still makes a mess just like a toddler would.
She doesn't speak when asked a simple question i.e. would you like sqaush or coke? either her sister or her mother answers for her.
Now are my expectaions too high or what?
She also imo is a bit slow in following conversations and is always butting demanding an update because she was 'in her own world' and she gets it as she is insistant about it.
Would I bu by suggesting to her mother that maybe she is not ready to move up to high school yet and to let her do year 6 again as I think she will benefit so much because as a june child she will still be in her age range.
Does this sound like anyone you know?

Balloon
it is incredibly difficult isn't it.
I know my DS has extreme issues but I think you are on the right track in accepting his struggle with organization but insisting on his working on support and strategies to minimize problems.

With DS2 we have visual ( pictures plus words) lists showing him what he has to get ready in the morning.
When his big brother was struggling with move into secondary I usedthe same thing - we had a list by the front door for him to check each morning before he left the house so Monday - gym kit, snack, physics homework etc etc. I got him to do the lists himself. I also made him put things away imediatley when at home so that he got used to the notion of clearing up all the time.
We lost loads of stuff in the first couple of terms but it works and he has a whole loads of personal habits that help him. He accepts that he can be disorganised IYSWIM which makes it easier to feel like we are helpinghim rather than nagging.
He is really on top of it now and actually remind me of stuff sometimes

Sorry . Long winded but wanted you to know it can get easier

well well thankyou so much peachy that site does identify her so much so that I counted 11 out 18 things applied to her on the first list. That is a great site and I feel better about her going up to secondary school now and not so worried about her being upset which is why I posted. I'm worried for my niece. Will read more on this.

Peachy, thanks but no he is not dyspraxic. I am not an expert but I have a good friend with a son with severe dyspraxia and the two are miles apart.

Also DS has been assessed as having increased joint mobility in his legs but it's not serious, and they looked at his hands at the same time and saw a slight difference but nothing of significance.

Both DH and I are un-coordinated, took us both ages to learn to drive, neither can dance etc. When I see DS1 using his hands it's exactly like DH. DH is often in a bit of a muddle but is highly successful.

DS1's writing is fine though and he can make complex lego models.

It's more the lack of being bothered to remember to do things properly. This whole vague "oh, I have people to sort that out for me" attitude. I identify with the babying thing - it's as if he still expects me to pick things up after him, and that in his heart-of-hearts he thinks I should still be wiping his bum and putting his shoes on.

He'll be OK but what he really doesn't need is this side of him being ignored by us, or written off as "just him." Even with improvement his daffiness is likely to drive all his girlfriends round the bend (voice of bitter experience!) Improved personal organisation was his only target in target setting last year - we are trying! I am confident he can cut the mustard, the intellect is there - some brain cells just need to be deflected from Doctor Who and redirected to thinking to put your coat on when its -2 outside.

its always ahrd to know whether to mentioon anything, esp.- dyspraxia- still so unknown

Oh and I don't think AS either - I have only just noticed that you mentioned that. Again only from him being nothing like all the other people I know with ASD.

pagwatch, those are all great ideas, I will pinch them

I have worked in a secondary school and I think some people just don't know how different it is from primary, what a total bloody shock it is to most of the kids.

DD3 17 has dyspraxia and she was very much like that at 11. She is a lot better now but still takes time to answer when she is spoken to by someone she does not know very well.

mamas12, something you said earlier made me think that perhaps the parents already have a diagnosis? Her mother said she's a crystal child? Well, when I googled ADD which is what my ds1 has, I discovered that he is an "indigo" child! Apparently there are also rainbow children, although I didn't read through all the signs for that! I think it is possibly a nice way to look at SNs but don't think it would wash well in our ds's school, somehow!

Here you go, Crystal children

I teacher secondary ( oh i am desperate to get out)

You would be suprised how many are still lack many things when they get there.

Granted she does sound spoilt - I mean is their a physical reason why she cant cut her food up?

I tell my DS (3) off if he interupts a conversations as he has to leatn these manners, he has started to ask are you finished before asking/telling me his stuff.

But I wouldnt get involved, I would wait until you have a conversation with said friend and offer opinion then.

I have a child very, very like this in my year 7 class. As first, I thought she had SN and needed a lot of support, but then I realised she was actually pretty bright. TAs would come in and she would hog all their time (with children of greater need in the class) getting them to do work I knew she was perfectly capable of! Once a TA told me in exasperation that the girl had done no work at all, so I marched over and said (in a tone her mother would no doubt disapprove of heartily) "Look, I KNOW you can do this work. You are getting Miss to do it all for you and you need to put your own effort in. I am telling her not to help you for five minutes and when I come back there should be a paragraph more writing on this page." Not the way I usually encourage students! Lo and behold, when I came back, she was writing away perfectly happily without signs of distress or upset. Turns out she just needs the firmest of firm hands, because if anyone is sympathetic she manipulates them shamelessly, which does nobody any good. It's not my usual style, but this girl thrives on me not being particuarly nice to her. It's like she was waiting for it.

On three occasions I have (silently!) accused parents of babying their child and holding him/her back. On each of these occasions it has turned out that there was SN involved of which I was not aware.

Ds needs a lot of help because of his dodgy joints; it's a fine line between letting him be independent and buying new crockery every month. Naturally, I want him to achieve independence, but it may have to be independence without chops

woooooow chipmonkey!!
That is her aswell!!
Havn't read it all yet though.
Wonder if that's where she got it from.
Thankyou for that.