Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should have got a phone call to let me know DS1 couldn't get his little brother from school.

29 replies

shinyshoes · 09/02/2009 16:08

Just a rant really.
DS1 is getting a bit 'kevin' lately at school, attitude, little man syndrome etc, etc, this has given im a few detentions at school including today.

Now DS1 was told, by me, he had to get his brother from school, baby isnt well, and I really dont want to be dragging her out especially in this weather when it hasn't stopped raining all day.

I phoned DS1 10 mins after school had finished to remind him to stop off on his way home and pick up his brother. He informs me he is in detention. I asked him if the teacher was there and to put her on the phone (he got a telling off for using his phone in detention, and rightly so, but at the time I didnt know he was in detention.)

I explained that I would have liked a phone call just to say DS1 is in detention therefore is unable to get to the DS2 school on time please make other arrangemnts ot have him picked up.

All I got was 'his attitude this his attitude that, he has to have detention yadda yadda yadda,' her tone was quite aggresive and loud, obviously she's pissed off as she now has to sit there with my hormanal son that believes his 'tude is fine, it's her' roll eyes emotiocon

I told her its not the detention thats the problem it's the fact that I wasnt informed, now I'm going to have to wake the baby from her bed, put her in the pram and walk in the rain to get DS2. Like I said other arrangements could have been made for someone else to either sit with the baby or collect DS2 .

She tells me we dont have to inform parents if the detention is under 20 mins (this is true) oh and by the way he has one tomorrow as well for not doing homework.

She didnt seem to understand that it wasnt the detention I had a problem with its the failing to let me know if he has told her he needed to pick up his brother.

rant over

OP posts:
bellavita · 09/02/2009 16:10

Would it have made a difference if DS1 would have told the teacher he had to pick up DS2 for you with regards to you getting a phonecall?

boredveryverybored · 09/02/2009 16:12

Actually I'd have expected your Ds to call you as soon as he knew he was going to be in detention to let you know. If the school don't have to inform and you're aware of that, then you can't be angry at them for not informing you.
Ds must have known before the very last minute that he was to be kept back surely?

mindalina · 09/02/2009 16:21

Did he tell the teacher? If he told the teacher he was supposed to be collecting his little brother and she refused him the opportunity to let you know, then that would be extremely unreasonable imo.

But I think your annoyance should be directed at DS rather than his teacher, it's his responsibility to let you know he can't pick his brother up surely?

Idrankthechristmasspirits · 09/02/2009 16:24

How would the teacher know what your childs pick up requirements are?

Your son has a mobile? Well why didn't he use it to tell you he was in detention then? After all, he wasn't handed the detention right at the last minute was he?

And i expect the teacher was probably pissed off because she was getting a mouthful for something that is actually nothing to do with her.

YABVU.

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 09/02/2009 16:27

YABU, your DS should have phoned you to tell you he was not able to pick up his brother, nothing to do with the teacher.
Also less than 20 mins detention? wtf? How old is your DS?

Original poster
shinyshoes · 09/02/2009 16:29

He told the teacher when he first walked into the detention and during the converstaion with her said 'I should really confiscate his phone' which then would have left me up shit creek without a paddle as I would have had no idea he wasnt collecting his brother.

I have since phoned the school to explain that while the baby isnt well and DS1 may need to be called upon to get his brother, if he has detention could a courtesy call be made to me so arrangements can be made for DS2 to be collected or baby could be sat with.
The teacher (head of house I think) reiterated again that anythin g under 20 mins we don't have to inform the parents, but she could see my predicament.

It transpires DS1 has had an attitude all day and hasn't been respectful, hence the teacher in detention perhaps not listening to him when he said he had to be elsewhere.

We have come to an arrangement that he's to serve his detention at breaktime, lunchtime or the next day. Just while that baby isnt well so he can fufill his duties.

Blloming kids and their attitudes, i'm sure I wasnt like this at his age

OP posts:
Twims · 09/02/2009 16:32

Agree yabVu.

You have rightly said that your son is behaving badly and has already recieved detentions yet thought he would be responsible to pick up a younger brother and not get a detention? How far is the secondary school to the primary would he have been able to be right at the school gates on time anyway? Why didn't you arrange other solutions as you said in your post?

Would also say that it is very bad form for not only your son to have his phone on in the detention = which I know you reprimanded him for but also for you to question the teacher - I imagine you signed a home school agreement in year 7 explaining about detnetions etc - and especially seeing as your son has recently had detentions.

Original poster
shinyshoes · 09/02/2009 16:33

BTW I didnt give her a mouthful, I told her that I would have liked a phone call just to let me know that he was in detention because

a) he was told he had get his brother from school

b)because I assumed he wasnt allowed to use his phone in detention even to phone me, and it was the last lesson he attended and she kept him back.

btw he's 11,

OP posts:
Idrankthechristmasspirits · 09/02/2009 16:44

So if he is only 11 and has in your words been "kevin" like lately, why are you trusting him to pick up your younger son?

It's not the teachers responsibility to call you and let you know that he is in detention.
Your childcare arrangements are not her concern.

fatzak · 09/02/2009 16:48

Does your school not have a policy to give parents at least 24 hours notice before a detention? That's quite unusual to be able to keep them back for up to 20 mins without prior notice. What about children who get schools buses etc?

memoo · 09/02/2009 16:51

In our primary school no children under the age of 16 are aloud to pick up other children even if it is their sibling. Think its a bit riskt tbh. My DD is 10 and there is no way I would allow her to be resposible for her younger brother

Original poster
shinyshoes · 09/02/2009 16:52

He is trustworthy, he's just got an attitude at the moment. He's pushing the teachers he knows he can.

Anyway IMO, I would have liked a courtesy call, just because he was meant to be elsewhere and the school knew this. Even if it isnt 'their problem'. On the other hand I know I signed an agreement to the fact that anything under 20 mins they dont have to inform me.

OP posts:
Fimbo · 09/02/2009 16:52

Why don't the school let you know if they are in detention? In my mind 11 is still quite young. My dd is 10 and I have only just in the last few weeks or so let her walk to school by herself. I would be worried sick if she was home late.

Original poster
shinyshoes · 09/02/2009 16:55

School has to give notice if the detention is more than 30 minutes, otherwise no.

Memoo, the school has no such poilcy above year 3 I beleive, on occasion I have picked DS2 from school and the teacher has shut the door, leaving him outside.

OP posts:
Fimbo · 09/02/2009 16:56

Which LEA are you with Shiny.

I am quite amazed tbh especially this "emoo, the school has no such poilcy above year 3 I beleive, on occasion I have picked DS2 from school and the teacher has shut the door, leaving him outside."

memoo · 09/02/2009 16:57

that is shocking that the teacher shut your DS outside school! Even if a parent is very late we would never do that.

I have even stayed late to look after a child when her parent was late picking her up

NAB09 · 09/02/2009 16:58

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I think once the school were aware that you had a child that was meant to be being picked up by your son, they should have phoned you to check as your older son could have been using it to get out of detention, but a younger child could have been left uncollected.

NAB09 · 09/02/2009 17:00

Do they often only have a 20 minute detention to save having to call parents?

Original poster
shinyshoes · 09/02/2009 17:00

Havering.

The children under year 3 (the infant building) has a teacher who looks for the parents then lets the children leave. Year 3 and above the teachers (that I have seen) let the children walk out once the door is opened. Last week I went to pick him up, his door was shut and he was outside, I asked him why he was there and he said 'the teacher just shut the door' This has happened on about 3 or 4 occasions lately.

OP posts:
Original poster
shinyshoes · 09/02/2009 17:03

My son has had a few detentions only one of them being over 30 mins, I was asked if he could do it there and then or he could do it the next day, I said he could do it that day.

He mostly gets 20 minute ones, which the school dont have to inform the parents of

OP posts:
compo · 09/02/2009 17:04

'In our primary school no children under the age of 16 are aloud to pick up other children even if it is their sibling'

for any year?
I find that quite astounding tbh

2shoesformyvalentine · 09/02/2009 17:06

yabu
Your son is the one in the wrong not the teacher. if she let someone out of detention, then she would have to let everyone.
it used to drive me up the wall when I had to wait for ds when he had a detention. but he did wrong so I shouted at him not the teacher.

memoo · 09/02/2009 18:52

Yes compo for every year.

It came into force a few years ago after a year 4 pupil was picked up by her year 9 sister. The year 4 pupil was hit by a car outside of school after falling out with her sister and trying to run away from her.

loobeylou · 09/02/2009 18:59

memoo, that is awful!

memoo · 09/02/2009 19:05

fortunately the girl wasn't too badly injured and left hospital after a few days with a broken arm and lots of bruising.

Can you imagine though how her sister must have felt! Its a tad unfair to give children responsiblity for their younger siblings

We also have a few ongoing child protection issues that mean the child can only be picked up by a certain parent/carer

Swipe left for the next trending thread