Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think being a SAHM is enough?

31 replies

Frasersmum123 · 05/02/2009 16:02

I recieved a friend request from a girl I went to school with, which I accepted. She messaged me and we traded messages for a while. Se asked me what I did and I said I was a SAHM to 3 children, to which her reply was 'Three at out age - wow! what happened to all your ambition :S'

I know its just from some stupid person that I knew from ages ago, but she confirms all the bad things I feel about myself. I am only 25, but I love being a Mummy and so I dont know why I am so upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
Frasersmum123 · 05/02/2009 16:02

I think it was the stupid smile face on the end - which is the same as this iyswim

OP posts:
Hassled · 05/02/2009 16:05

What a witch - defriend her this minute. Such a nasty thing to say. As long as you're happy and feel fulfilled, that's all that matters. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone, especially not some silly cow from school.

becstarlitsea · 05/02/2009 16:05

Really sorry you're upset. I guess she doesn't have kids at all? It sounds like she's not very happy or she wouldn't need to have a go at you. She got back in touch with you, probably because she was feeling lonely, then hears that you're a much-loved Mum of 3, whereas maybe she's not so much loved as you are? Maybe, who knows. Either way, of course being a SAHM is enough (and being a WOHM is enough and blah blah blah!)!

TheCrackFox · 05/02/2009 16:06

You do not have to justify yourself to anyone. I would, though, text back with "shame you are on the self ". But then I am a cow.

Dillydaydreamer · 05/02/2009 16:07

I would just take it as a touch of jealousy, especially if she has no kids or hope i.e. partner atm. I would say actually I am living my dream with gorgeous DH and family and am really happy to be a mum If you get no response it proves the point.

2shoesformyvalentine · 05/02/2009 16:07

yanbu
I had a similar thing said, she didn't seem to think caring for a severly disabeld teen was a job!!

LoveMyLapTop · 05/02/2009 16:09

What a cow!
What does she do for a living that is so fabulous?

chocoholic · 05/02/2009 16:10

YANBU
I agree with Dilly, reply back saying how happy you are.

No wonder you didn't stay in touch with her!

thumbwitch · 05/02/2009 16:10

lovey, ignore her! she is either jealous or immature - either way, she has no business denigrating your choice. Good for you staying at home to look after your DC, and for having them nice and early - I wish I had been able to have my DS at least 15 years ago so he doesn't have such an ancient mummy when he gets old enough to realise!

Divineintervention · 05/02/2009 16:13

What a cow?? I got back in touch with uni mates when I was expecting at 27, they replied that they were having far too much fun for babies.....makes me laugh my arse off as I hear they're all still having too much fun single and childless at 34 .

Divineintervention · 05/02/2009 16:14

PS. I responded by saying how happy I was, btw and then never wrote again.

TsarChasm · 05/02/2009 16:14

She sounds nice

You are living your life, she's living hers. It never ceases to amaze me - even on here - why so many people have a problem about what anyone else gets up to.

You sound a lovely mummy, enjoy every minute. You don't have to justify your choices or your life to real friends.

Nekabu · 05/02/2009 16:17

Before writing her off as a bitch, maybe you were burning with career type ambition when she knew you and the last she saw you were off to conquer the world, so she's just surprised at your choice? I'd just say I was really happy in my choice and find it just as fulfilling as the career I'd previously planned, especially as I could always do that later and then I'd have had my cake and eaten it!

georgimama · 05/02/2009 16:20

It may just be what Nekabu said.

Plenty of 25 year olds are completely settled - in LTR/married with kids and very happy (with or without careers) but at 25 my brother was still at uni and quite unsure about life. I think that's quite common.

She may just be intimidated by your maturity.

shootfromthehip · 05/02/2009 16:20

Ok, I'll be honest- this is exactly what I would have thought before I had kids (emphasis on the thought). You do NOT understand the pull and the joy and the guilt that children bring until you have some! I fully intended to go back to work when I was pregnant as I thought that being a SAHM would not be enough and I have now been a SAHM for 5 years!! That said there are days (and MANY of them if I am honest) where it doesn't feel enough for me as in idividual. Other people (without kids) often don't realise what a sacrifice it can be to stay at home with only little children for company. I'm glad I have done but it is not easy.

I think that it depends on the sort of person that you are. You are obviously happy with your lot and from that POV you can be smug and think that she has all these hard decisions ahead of her should she have kids but it isn't enough for everyone and obviously not everyone has the luxury of a choice.

charitygirl · 05/02/2009 16:22

Message back saying 'Fulfilled them! '

That's not rude, but if she is being snide/jealous it'll piss her off that you're blissfully happy AND not rising to the bait

Litchick · 05/02/2009 16:28

I agree with Shootfromthehip - at 25 all my mates and I were single and childless. We would have hooted with derision that having kids was a career in itself.
Most of us have re-assessed now we're 40 . Some of us still would never want to be SAHMs but we wouldn't sneer at those who chose it.

GrapefruitMoon · 05/02/2009 16:30

I agree with Shootfromthehip - I also had no desire to have children at the age of 25. Of course, now that I have realised that I will probably still have kids at primary school when I am 50, I wish I had had them younger!

Madmentalbint · 05/02/2009 16:31

She sounds jealous!

Similar happened to me a few years back. An old friend got in touch and kept hinting that she thought my life was dull and mundane and full of nothing but nappies and snotty noses. In reality I was very happy with my life and wouldn't have swapped with her for anything. She was supposedly a high flying business woman but it didn't seem to make her happy, and even now, she's still unhappy, single and living with her mum!

Don't let it bother you.

Original poster
Frasersmum123 · 05/02/2009 16:37

Thanks everyone.

I am so happy with my lot, my DC's are fantastic as is my DH. I dont know what she means about my ambition as I only ever really wanted to grow up and have a family - I did go to to college though, whereas she went straight to work, so she may mean that?

Its more the age comment that upsets me, I know I am quite young, and I dont feel bad about it, but I always get 'Your only 25' comments!

OP posts:
Nontoxic · 05/02/2009 16:44

You're so lucky to have had your DCs this young. You'll still be young and vital when your youngest leaves primary, or whenever you feel ready to get back in to the workplace (if rhat's what you want to do.)

Nekabu · 05/02/2009 16:45

Yes, perhaps she thought you were heading off to college as you had ambitions to do whatever it was you'd gone to study? If, the last she'd heard, you were heading off to college prior to setting the world on fire, maybe she is just surprised.

As for the age comment; I think perhaps you are reading more into that than was meant. "Three at our age - wow!" doesn't smack of disapproval to me, just surprise. She and probably quite a few of her friends don't have one child and so she just evinced surprise that you've managed to cope with 3! I think it's more "Wow! You've managed to do all that!" than nastiness. After all, if you were a top brain surgeon at 25 you'd get "You're only 25! Wow!" comments then too!

raff · 05/02/2009 16:45

My bestie mate had her 3 kids in her 20's when I was supposedly the one having the high life (aka staying in waiting for undeserving lowlifes to call; being away from family and friends; drinking too much and eating crisps) Now I've got my 3 lovely darlings and we're both 40 this year.... But she remains gorgeous, full of energy and has a brilliant social life as well as 3 totally lovely teenagers who both her and her hubby still have a really good laugh with; and I'm happy at home but look like somethimg even the cat wouldn't drag in and living my social life through her! Like everyone says, this woman is no friend of yours, but if it cheers you up- just think you'll still be gorgeous and energetic when she is all haggard and grey. Tell her that!

cheshirekitty · 05/02/2009 16:51

YANBU. You have brought 3 beautiful children into the world. You are nurturing the next generation, this is surely the most important job in the world?

Enjoy your life, your dc and your dh. Ditch the friend.

TsarChasm · 05/02/2009 16:52

Nontoxic is so right. I am 44 and have trouble keeping up with my 3.

To be content and settled and in a happy relationship shows an enviable presence of mind. I wish I'd been so mature in my 20's, I wasted a lot of time faffing about.

Swipe left for the next trending thread