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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have things delivered to PIL house when we live abroad?

33 replies

Moop · 02/02/2009 08:13

We are visiting UK in a few weeks time and staying at PIL. We have one child and another on the way and we live in Belgium where everything is really expensive. I have been ordering stuff on the internet and getting it delivered to PIL and they have started complaining. They have a 5 bed house and outhouses and say the house is getting like a warehouse! Obviously there is a limit to what I can order as we have to get stuff back in the car so they are exaggerating. It is causing them no bother at all that I can see at yet they want to whinge. On top of which they are commenting on the money I am spending (none of their business). I want to order a couple more small things but dread phoning them up and asking if it is ok. The stuff will be in their house for 2 more weeks. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
TheThoughtPolice · 02/02/2009 08:19

YABU, it is their house, their choice. It sounds like they feel that you have taken advantage of their goodwill. Whether you feel it isn't 'too much' is kind of irrelevant here, I'm afraid.

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 02/02/2009 08:21

YABU - sounds like you're taking the piss. What happens when they aren't in? Do they have to goto the post office and pick it up for you. Surely you can buy most of the stuff when you are actually here?

hunnybun1981 · 02/02/2009 08:22

did you ask them to start with?

i dont thik you are being unreasonable and they should be glad that you are able to save some money.

Original poster
Moop · 02/02/2009 08:33

Yes I asked them to start with and no they do not need to go to the post office because one of them is nearly always in and the stuff gets left outside.
NOt sure what YABU means but what they forget is that every holiday they have had for the last 7 years I have arranged - looked on interent for hotels, carhire, flights - the lot - none of their 3 children do any of that legwork - it has always been me. They even asked me the other day to get them some brochures ordered off the internet for a new boiler and to look up savings rates and stuff - so it is not one way traffic.

The stuff is in their big house - in one unused bedroom for about 4 weeks in total.

OP posts:
Niftyblue · 02/02/2009 08:37

YANBU
I do this
ESP at christmas order it to MY parents house and then sort it when I get there

In fact They are bringing loads of things over this weekend that I have ordered in the U.k cos its cheaper

Original poster
Moop · 02/02/2009 08:38

Also I can't get some of the stuff when I am here - some was in the sale and other stuff is Amazon which will not arrive in time as we are only there for about 5 days.

It is interesting to hear what people say because I would have no problem with helping someone out but clearly not everyone feels like that.

OP posts:
AliceTheCamelHasGotTheHump · 02/02/2009 08:39

Are they actually complaining or just moaning? If moaning just ignore them. Some people need to moan and YANBU.

Original poster
Moop · 02/02/2009 08:40

I am not able to deliver to my parents as they are no longer with us and I have no brothers or sisters so would have to ask friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moop · 02/02/2009 08:42

I guess I find it hard to tell with them whether it is genuine complaining or moaning - they do so much of the latter that I get sensitive about upsetting them and have paid extra money to have stuff delivered to belgium which is crazy when we will be in the UK in 2 weeks time.

OP posts:
wheresthehamster · 02/02/2009 08:42

Can't you ask for the deliveries to be made when you are here?

I don't know how old they are, but they still have to answer the door and cart the stuff into the spare room. SO I think YABU saying 'it's no bother at all' because it is a bit.

loobeylou · 02/02/2009 08:44

If I were you I would be finding someone else who is willing to have your stuff delivered and go and stay with them instead, they sound miserable!

have you explained to them how much you are saving doing it this way? tell them you could save money by not visiting if they'd rather you did that!

Original poster
Moop · 02/02/2009 08:44

Last one

I still have lots of little things like clothes and stuff to get when we are there and they will no doubt complain about the time and money spent doing that - and it's like make your mind up - you don't want me to pre-order and send to your house but you also don't want me to shop when we are there!

OP posts:
belgo · 02/02/2009 08:45

YANBU. I never order anything off the internet, but my dh does and gets it delivered to my parents' house in England.

Original poster
Moop · 02/02/2009 08:45

They are very fit and healthy - and his dad builds walls and plays tennis so that is not an issue.

I know I have to get used to the fact that they will find fault with almost everything I do!

OP posts:
BonsoirAnna · 02/02/2009 08:46

Did you ask them first whether or not they would be all right with you having things delivered to their house? And did you ring up and warn them about each order? They aren't a PO box.

DaisyMooSteiner · 02/02/2009 08:49

So what if it's a bit of bother? They're family ffs, you're supposed to help each other out. Of course YANBU, honestly, I do wonder at MN sometimes when people say YABU for something like this!

belgo · 02/02/2009 08:54

exactly Daisymoo. Why shouldn't families help each other out for something like this? (unless of course you're having three piece suites delivered!)

wheresthehamster · 02/02/2009 08:56

Hang on Daisy - we don't know if we're talking about a 3 piece suite, dining table and 6 chairs etc here

Most family wouldn't bat an eyelid I agree. Maybe Moop's dh should have taken charge because it sounds like they are annoyed with her.

edam · 02/02/2009 08:56

how many separate deliveries will they have had? Because I can see that even if they have the room, it will be irritating if the doorbell is constantly going.

BonsoirAnna · 02/02/2009 08:56

No-one should take their family for granted. It is only polite to ask and warn and thank for every favour rendered.

belgo · 02/02/2009 09:04

You're right Anna, it is polite to ask and say thank you, but I would consider it very impolite for the PILs to refuse or complain about it. My parents would never refuse.

Original poster
Moop · 02/02/2009 09:08

I have ordered a twin pram and car seat which I appreciate take up a lot of space. The other things have been 4 small parcels. My DH wouldnt' get this organised - but I have saved maybe £200 ordering in the UK so common sense would say to do this. But you are right maybe I need to be more careful and solicitous. I think it just annoys me a bit when I do stuff for them that none of their children can be bothered to do.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfGhosts · 02/02/2009 09:14

so stop doing it.

loobeylou · 02/02/2009 09:16

Moop, what would they do/say if you said you couldn't afford to come over this time/this year because you had just had to spend so much on new car seat and buggy etc?

DaisyMooSteiner · 02/02/2009 09:26

Jeez, I have friends who live abroad and order stuff (sometimes for me to post on to them which means I ahve to actually go to the post office when I wouldn't otherwise). We have a tiny house and sometimes have had to store things in the car because there's no other room. I do not mind in the slightest because they are my friends (never mind family) and I was brought up in this weird old-fashioned way where people don't mind putting themselves out for others.