To have been upset by DH...

[Thankyouandgoodnight]

2 young kids - 2.1 and 6 months. The baby breast feeds every 2-3 hours at night. I haven't been out much at all since the baby was born.

Some people who we barely know on our street invited us to their party on friday night. I thought it would be good to go but DH said he wasn't bothered so we agreed I would go on my own rather than get a babysitter.

Huge discussion about him saying to go for as long as I liked etc. I walked out of the door at 8:15pm. The baby usually wakes for a feed any time between 10:15 and 11pm. We have ready made formula in the cupboard.

I was so busy trying to 'make friends' and chat to people that I didn't realise the time until 11:30pm and then went home horrified because I knew I'd have to be up loads of times before 6am when i'd have to be up for the day.

Got in to bed. DH still awake but clearly pissed off with me and he turns his back on me.

Baby wakes at 2, 5:30 and up for the day at 6:30am. I get up with both of the kids and leave DH in bed for a lie in (he usually gives me lie-ins but I thought it would be very cheeky to be out at a party and then lie in too). He gets up at 9am. Barely looks at me and then tells me off for not letting him know that I would be missing the evening feed and it was my responsibility and he needed to know to plan his evening and that he had no idea where I was etc. He was completely over the top and I felt like a teenager being told off by my mother. I was gobsmacked. And furious. I told him that he could have texted me if he needed to know anything and that I hadn't noticed the time. He told me it was my responsibility and also basic courtesy.

I was so upset. All the childcare and night feeds without complaining and I go out and am expected to clock watch and decide at time 'x' what I'm doing etc. I totally expected him to assume that he was doing the feed unless I happened to walk through the door.

AIBU?

You have all absolutely hit the nail on the head:

Curly - yes you are right. Totally. 100%. I do think it's unreasonable for me to have to clockwatch and keep an eye on the time pre midnight and to be texting when I've only really just got out and am trying to get going with a new crowd of people etc. I DO think that he should have texted me if he wanted to check anything (like whether I thought I'd be home in time for the 2nd night feed for example) if that was what was bothering him - I would have done - very reasonable. Or, as you say, to check I'm ok. But he didn't - out of principle as he said it was my responsibility to text him, not the other way round.

100year - spot on!

Dandy - again spot on - this has been a huge problem in our relationship and it raises its ugly head from time to time and I come down on him hard about it - it starts as him niggling away at me about everything for up to 4 weeks before I realise what's going on (ie it's him not me) and then there's a huge upset over something (instigated by him) which warrants me having to remove myself from his company for a few hours as he just won't stop his verbal 'abuse'. I then email him as that's the only way to talk to him by then. He admits he's been an arse and off we go again. I have identified it as when he's stressed but he won't/can't recognise what's going on until after a big blow - before then he feels justified in all his irritation with me. I am actually quite stumped as to how to deal with it. It is happening slightly less often but if has fundamental effects on my trust and emotional warmth towards him. Rather sad really.

curly - my comment was in addition to what you were saying!