Thankyouandgoodnight, YANBU. But......just pondering how his mind may have been working......if he's anything like my DH used to be, then is it possible your DH got himself majorly stressed when he realised the baby had woken up and needed feeding and he hadn't got himself all prepared for it. I can kind of picture him running round like a blue arse fly panicking, trying to sort the bottle out, and the stress of the screaming baby really getting to him. Men are just generally pathetic in situations like that, and I think that deep down, they realise this when the situations arise, hence the reasons why you got all the flack for it. What he REALLY wants to say to you is "I couldn't cope, it all got too much for me and you weren't there to sort it all out and calm things down! I just feel so inadequate" but of course there's no way he'd ever admit to being unable to cope! So instead you get the type of silly treatment that you got.
As I say,DH used to be like your DH. I got wise to this very quickly, and used to give him a little list of what needed doing when if I was going out. Just for the first couple of times I went out, and by the next time, he'd pretty much got the hang of what needed doing but I always reminded him when I walked out the door eg "Don't forget - he'll need his bottle at 11pm if you want him to sleep through!" Cue lots of "Yeah, yeah, whatever....." but at least I'd covered my back!
Also, when DS2 was 1, I started working all day Sundays, with DH being in sole charge of the kids. My god, was that a learning curve for him! Took him quite a while to learn their little routines and exactly how they preferred their sandwiches cut (and fussy crap like that), but as a result of that I can walk out the door now without another thought, knowing that they will be more than fine in his care. It's been good for everyone and I think it has helped DH's confidence in caring for them on his own. I pesonally think you just need to go out more often, but give him a bit more guidance on what needs doing and when (NEVER assume he will remember what to do - he is a man!! They need to be reminded!)
Oh,and I know on this occasion you simply didn't realise the time which is why you were back late. It's fair enough, he shouldn't have given you such a hard time if it was a one-off! Did he text to ask if you were ok? In that situation, my DH's only reason to text would be to check I was still alive! And not because I wasn't back at curfew time!! But again, I'd bet anything that all that behaviour is because he was stressing out trying to cope at home without you.
If that is the case with your DH, then it doesn't excuse his behaviour but gives a reason for his unreasonableness. It needs discussing. And hten you need to start going out more often, giving him lots of reminders, and text updates if need be (eg have decided to stay for one more drink, is that ok?) To me, if whoever is at home is having an ok night with the baby then they should text back saying "Fine with me, enjoy yourself", but if they're having a particularly bad time, eg, baby developing a temp or something and not sleeping, then it's equally reasonable of them to text back saying "Can you make it v quick, LO quite upset and not well".
Sorry, have droned on a bit. It just struck a chord with me because he sounds exactly like how my DH used to be when my boys were tiny. He just found it difficult when they were very little and got stressed v easily. We kind of get used to being stressed, dont' we? My DH is the best dad ever now, he really is. He does MORE than his fair share at home re childcare and cooking etc, I'd say, and really encourages me to go out with my friends. He just needed a bit of training to get there!