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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my brother and his gf to visit every Sunday afternoon ??

48 replies

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 14:46

I love my brother to bits and so do my kids but for the past few months he and his gf (who i'll admitt isn't my fave person), have taken to ringing every sunday afternoon at about 2:30 to say they are on their way over.

Now I don't mind them visiting at all, but I never know until each sunday afternoon wether they are coming or not, so just have to assume they are, and they stay for hours meaning that dinner, bath and bedtime is late.

Last week it got to 3:30 and I assumed they weren't coming and so me and the dc settled down to watch a film. Half an hour into it they rang to say they had just set out.

Today I thought they weren't coming as i thought his gf was working, but he has just rung to say they will be over in a bit once he has had a shower.

I really don't mean to sound like a cow, but fgs can't we have one Sunday to ourselves.

OP posts:

MissisBoot · 01/02/2009 14:48

YANBU to want a bit of family time - can't you say no to them?

cmotdibbler · 01/02/2009 14:48

Well, just say that it's not convenient when he rings then !

lucysmam · 01/02/2009 14:49

yanbu at all!

My bil and his pg gf moved in next door to us yesterday & keep wandering in n out of our house today! It's driving me nuts.

Tell them you want your own family space on a Sunday but they're welcome to come overif it's been arranged between you, not decided on by them.

I'm going to have to after today, we're not getting any peace & our lo is playing up like a monster today and yesterday with all the comings and goings!

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 01/02/2009 14:50

YANBU.

Could you just explain to your brother? Or failing that tell him you wont be in next Sunday.

alicet · 01/02/2009 14:51

I don't get why you are waiting around on them if they don't tell you they are coming until they are setting off?

Tell them that they need to give you advance notice of their plans.

Then if you haven't heard anything by Sunday get on and do whatever you would choose to do and then when they call either you will be out and not able to take the call or in but busy when you can politely tell them that its not convenient as you are busy.

Or tell them that you have other plans so they can't come this week.

I understand that this situation is irritating but to be honest you are as responsible for this happening if you have lways sat around waiting for them before making your own plans and if you always let them come whenever they like without saying you have other plans.

Original poster

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 14:51

Thing is, if i said it wasn't convenient then i'd have to think of a reason why it wasn't, and stuff like 'we are watching a film', or 'playing a borad game' all sound a bit 'we don't want you invloved'.

As I said, my kids, especially ds loves my brother to visit but it is just getting a bit much it being every week.

Last week when they came, my brother loooked knackered and was really quiet and so it was fairly obvious that coming over wasn't his suggestion.

OP posts:

Original poster

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 14:52

I don't sit around waiting for them and if we were going out then i'd just go, but I am on about when we just want to lounge around and do nothing, watch tv etc.

I just end up spending all afternoon making tea and small talk.

I wish we had a dog to walk lol.

OP posts:

alicet · 01/02/2009 14:53

FGS what is wrong with just saying 'this weekend we want to have some quality family time - how about you come over next Sunday afternoon instead?'

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 01/02/2009 14:53

Is there a reason that they come over every Sunday? Do they have their own house?

Original poster

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 14:54

We tend to use Sunday afternoons for doing homework, watching films and stuff like that. I didn't mean that they are stopping us from going out.

OP posts:

eNABlemetobebetter · 01/02/2009 14:54

Don't answer the phone.

Or tell them it isn't convenient. You don't have to explain yourself.

lucysmam · 01/02/2009 14:55

how about mayybe invite them over once a month by prior arrangement so they still get to visit? but when it's convenient for you all rather than just them.

Personally I've used watching something with the lo as an excuse for a mate or my mil not to come round. If they think it'sa poor excuse then tough, it's up to you whether you want visitors in your house anyway

Original poster

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 14:55

They would think that odd Alice tbh. Not sure why you are getting huffy about it.

They don't have their own place no. My brother lives with my dad and she lives with her parents.

The visits are her idea for sure.

OP posts:

alicet · 01/02/2009 14:56

crossposted again...

If they come over when you are just lounging around and you al lget on well why can't you tell them to get their own tea etc? 'I have had a really busy week and I'm really enjoying chilling with my feet up - stick the kettle on would you - mine's a tea!'

thomsc · 01/02/2009 14:56

Might be way off here, but is the gf perhaps broody?

Original poster

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 14:57

You are all right, but at the end of the day I can't lie or be economical with the truth because the kids will know.

I don't want my brother to think I am being funny with him.

OP posts:

Original poster

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 14:58

I have alice, but it falls on deaf ears.

The gf is probably broody yeah but my kids aren't babies though. She is just very in your face and controling and it's like she has to be invloved in everything.

OP posts:

alicet · 01/02/2009 14:59

I'm not getting huffy about it.

What I'm getting at is that this situation is entirely under your control. If you don't like it (which I can understand - I value our family time too even if we're not doing anything in particular) then do something about it. Either tell them how you feel - that you don't actually want to see them every weekend - or do what I would think would be a lot less hurtful and put it in terms of wanting to have some time together as a family.

Or tell a little white lie that you have a lot of chores to do so its not convenient.

I feel for your frustration at this situation but to be honest I think that either you need to do / say something to change it or unfortunately if you do not want to say no to them you will have to suck it up.

If you are just having a rant to get it off your chest then fair call but it sounded more as though you wanted advice so this is my viewpoint

Original poster

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 15:01

Last week i deliberatly started clanging pans about in the kitchen and mentioning that we were having to rush because dd2 wanted a bath before the skating and stuff and my brother did eventually get the hint and they left after about 2 hours.

OP posts:

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 01/02/2009 15:01

The probably want some time away from the parents as you said your bro lives with your Dad and his GF lives with her parents. Its a pain when you've got to go out but have nowhere to go I suppose.

MarlaSinger · 01/02/2009 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 15:03

I just don't think my brother would get it tbh. I don't want him to feel unwelcome.

I have to be honest and say that if it was just him visiting then it wouldn't be so bad as i'd just carry on as normal, plus offer him dinner if he was still here when i started it.

I can't do that with his gf though as she is a pain in the ass as far as food goes. Not allergies, just hugely fussy.

OP posts:

Original poster

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 15:04

My brother has a bedroom and sitting room at my dads so they do have their own space.

Tbh it is like his gf sees my kids as her entertainment for a sunday afternoon.

OP posts:

alicet · 01/02/2009 15:04

Sounds like you have tried to get them to muck in and also dropped hints to get them to go (cross posted AGAIN ) and they have fallen on deaf ears.

Very frustrating. Maybe you need to be a little more blunt then.

How about saying something to your brother like 'Its lovely to see you and gf but we are not getting to spend much time as a family / time to do all our chores (whichever would go down better - or anything else). Ever weekend is a bit much - how about you come round every other Sunday afternoon and on the week you don't come how about dinner here in the week instead?'

This won't eat into the kind of Sundays you are talking about so much but won't make him feel as excluded. Plus you might get to know gf better in that setting? Could do takeaway / take turns to cook so you are not doing everything?

Could that work?

MarlaSinger · 01/02/2009 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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