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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my brother and his gf to visit every Sunday afternoon ??

48 replies

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 14:46

I love my brother to bits and so do my kids but for the past few months he and his gf (who i'll admitt isn't my fave person), have taken to ringing every sunday afternoon at about 2:30 to say they are on their way over.

Now I don't mind them visiting at all, but I never know until each sunday afternoon wether they are coming or not, so just have to assume they are, and they stay for hours meaning that dinner, bath and bedtime is late.

Last week it got to 3:30 and I assumed they weren't coming and so me and the dc settled down to watch a film. Half an hour into it they rang to say they had just set out.

Today I thought they weren't coming as i thought his gf was working, but he has just rung to say they will be over in a bit once he has had a shower.

I really don't mean to sound like a cow, but fgs can't we have one Sunday to ourselves.

OP posts:

alicet · 01/02/2009 15:06

Ah just crossposted about the fussy eater thing so my last suggestion might not work....

Drinks in the week instead then or takeaway food so you can each choose what you could eat? Or might be easier to accomodate her allergies if you're only catering for 4 of you rather than children too?

Original poster

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 15:07

LOL Alice, unfortunatly the regular take away nights that we used to have here have almost stopped because of this gf.

It's a long story and I have posted about it on here under another name which I can't reveal because of problems with my ex.

Basically, the gf doesn't like the food we have from take aways, even though we have 3 times changed the take away to suit her and then she has ordered an omlette.

It's hard to explain but she is a pain in the ass.

OP posts:

Original poster

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 15:08

I so can't wait until I can drive, then we will be out at the park alot of sunday afternoons.

OP posts:

alicet · 01/02/2009 15:09

OK...

Good luck

MarlaSinger · 01/02/2009 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SadMarg · 01/02/2009 15:20

Why don't you ask if next week you can change it to Saturday instead, or Saturday night, or something. Just say you've got a few things you need to get done on Sunday afternoon. Or ask if they could bring something (you can make it as specific as you want) for lunch at 1.00.

That way you make it clear you still want to see them, but that the time will need to be more convenient for you. If they can't come, then just say, oh well then, we'll see you the week after then, shall we?

A few of these 'pre-arranged' times and they might get the message that they need to make a time with your input, and not just pop up on their own when it's convenient.

lizziemun · 01/02/2009 15:28

Tell them your tired on a sunday afternoon after working and being a singlemum so you want next sunday just you and your dc.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2009 17:13

being harsh here, you need to grow a pair

and don't post in AIBU if you don't want honest opinions or are not willing to see what is staring you in the face when it is pointed out to you

you don't like your db's gf, that is clear

I also think they are using your home to hang out in, cos they lack their own

if you are happy with that, just show them a bedroom and say "knock yourself out", but I'll be downstairs doing homework/the ironing/watching a film etc

its your home, it would piss me off mightily to be invaded every single week

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 01/02/2009 17:15

Don't answer the phone.
get up, get ready and go out for the day.
tell them that every single sunday is too much and you'd like to keep it to once a month from now on.

You have many choices. You just need to bite the bullet, as it were

Lulumama · 01/02/2009 17:21

YANBU

but if they are thick skinend and don;t take the hint and it is impinging on your enjoyment of the weekend ,then you have to tell them

or carry on seething

or make regular arrangement for every 3rd week. or ask them to take the DCs out to give you a break

just being open and honest should not be an issue if you get on well usually

better than a big row 6 months down the line

pavlovthecat · 01/02/2009 17:26

Could you invite them to stay for tea? Or get them to go and get fish and chips? Or why not just presume he is coming, get all your chores done before midday and lounge watching films. When he comes, they can sit and watch them with you?

And ask them to make it every other sunday.

Original poster

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 17:54

Don't tell me where I should and shouldn't post AF.

I have read all of the replies and taken them on board. Tbh I think my brother is starting to tire of the visits anyway as they seem to be getting shorter. He fell asleep today aswell.

OP posts:

Original poster

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 17:55

Believe me, if we were actually going out or whatever then I would say that, and have done infact.

OP posts:

salsmum · 01/02/2009 18:08

CrackerNut I had the same thing with a single friend of mine every w/end he would bring his young man he cares for over at a minutes notice [in his w/chair] and almost ignore my daughter [who is also w/chair bound] I started feeling that he was only using me for convenience to tell young mans parents he'd taken him out sometimes we would come home and he'd be parked outside waiting for us or he'd turn up late in evenin @ 9pm in the end I told him that I want quality family time at w/ends. He sulked quite a bit but we reclaimed our w/ends...you have to be cruel to be kind sometimes.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2009 18:10

I am failing to see the problem then crackernut ???????

I didn't tell you where to post either.

Original poster

CrackerNut · 01/02/2009 18:13

You said don't post here if you don't want honest opinions. Where have I said that I didn't want honest opinions ?

I have been on here long enough to know wethjer to post in this section or not.

OP posts:

negril · 01/02/2009 18:14

AF u did tell her where to post but u do make a good point.

Sparkletastic · 01/02/2009 18:14

Go out and leave them to babysit

compo · 04/02/2009 11:46

just relaised who you are

2pt4kids · 04/02/2009 11:53

How about you cook up a big Sunday Roast/order a takeaway etc and then when they ring say 'Oh, sorry I didnt relaise you were coming, we've just ordered/cooking dinner. Of course you are welcome to join us, but Iknow gf isnt too keen on the food, so will understand if you want to make it next week instead. If you come earlier next week then you can help cook so you know that gf will definitely eat it! Or you bring main course and we'll do dessert!' or something like that?

Lemontart · 04/02/2009 11:58

Crackernut, don?t make up excuses and lie about being busy etc. I you really can?t be honest with him as in a quiet chat saying that you understand they need time together away from their parents BUT you are not a free cafe etc" then try to break the cycle in other ways: Just go out next Sunday - straight after lunch wrap the kids up warm and go out for the afternoon somewhere fun. Not saying you will need to vacate your home every Sunday for ever, just the occasional busy Sunday to break the habit they have fallen into. Or why not invite some of the chilren?s friends over and be busy in the house - if/when they ring, just tell them that you already have visitors this Sunday but are sure you will meet up soon.
Otherwise - how about getting them to babysit as they are over anyway and use their company to give yourself a breather and go out!

spambolina · 04/02/2009 12:05

Its hard to say no to family, but its also important to think about what you need, time together and time to relax etc. I'm the same with my Mum, it got to the point when she was calling 3 times and week and coming over every saturday. Its great for her to see her Grandaughter and I have appreciated all the help she has offered but the calls during the week were for trivial things and if she couldn't get me on the landline, she'd try the mobile so I was rushing around the house trying to answer call after call - and she always called when my baby had just gone down for a sleep or I was trying to feed her or put her to bed. I'm afraid I had to start ignoring the phone!! It was driving me crazy!
I think perhaps if your subtle hints don't work, maybe try and speak to your brother alone and suggest every other weekend for example?
Good luck.

sobloodystupid · 04/02/2009 12:14

it is awkward, but if you don't say something now you will explode in resentment a few weeks done the line as someone else has already said. I would arrange to go out the odd sunday to break up the habit a bit, if you really can't face saying it to your brother. But if he's tired and it's the girlfriend wanting to come over, perhaps say something to him "God,you look knackered. I'm tired myself after the week. How about we treat ourselves to the movies Sunday after next? Let's go the matinee etc and we can have a catch up after"
Honestly, honestly, make yourself say something otherwise there will be tears

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