To want a bit of time to get over the fact that he left me for someone else?

[MadameOvary]

I dont want to see him, its too upsetting. I need some space to get back to me fgs.
He wanted me to be all civilised about it and continue our arrangement of seeing each other once or twice a week.
He said "You cant stop me seeing my daughter"
I said I didn't want to (and never would btw), and we could arrange something at a contact centre.
He said he wanted nothing to do with contact centres and would be taking advice from a solicitor and going for custody.

FFS nothing like the subtle approach is there?

do you have a friend or a family member that can help with exchanging dc?

totally sympthise with not wanting to see him

No family and I couldn't impose on friends like that.

He's not interested in a gentle approach. Poor DD, thank god she's too young to know what's going on

how old is dd?
can't you drop her round at his without actually seeing him?

mrsjammi, prob supervised visitation as DD is too young for drop off (and still feeding)

has he been abusive to you?

If not I guess from his point of view the words contact centre sound like social services involvement and he might think its extreme?

Not criticising you in any way, mind.

10 months old. Just a baby

YANBU

Sending you lots of hugs too.

Why do you want to use a contact centre? And why do you think he needs to be supervised?

Ah, ok didnt know that about contact centres.
There is a history of abuse and controlling behaviour.
He can be trusted alone with her, absolutely.
I need a break from him as the whole business has been a huge shock and I want a bit of time to myself.
He thought it was fine to still come over and tell me about his new girlfriend
I am not talking about months here...just a breathing space.
I could understand if I'd ever threatened him with never seeing DD, but I haven't, not once.

He doesn't need to be supervised, I just want to find a way for him to see her without seeing me.
DD is too young for overnight stays atm.

Not really sure what to suggest but i can only imagine how awful and upset you must be feeling.

What about consulting a local childminder to see if you could drop dd there and her dad picks her up 15 mins later? Same arrangement for her return to you? Not sure if this is the kind of thing childminders do but perhaps a sympathetic one would be prepared to help for a minimal charge?

xx

I bet he doesn't really want her to live with him, he was just reacting to you suggesting a contact centre. And I can understand why he reacted - they're bloody awful places and he's maybe thinking that you're going to get difficult and insist that he is supervised or that that's the only place he can see his daughter.

mrsjammi and tinseltot, that is good advice.
I cant stand the thought of her being away from me for longer than a couple of hours, is this normal?

surfermum, that is true, he doesn't. It woudl severely disrupt his lifestyle.

would

good god, of course its normal! she is ten months old!

He should really only have her for a couple of hours at that age - just enough time for you to get a haircut or a pedicure or something.

Yeah i totally understand that you would feel unhappy/anxious/uncomfortable if dd is away from you for a while. Especially if she is you first child, it is a totally normal reaction especially if you are breastfeeding.