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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so sensitive about nursery comments

27 replies

debs40 · 28/01/2009 09:18

I'm off to bloody London today. It's an hour and a half away from where I live but I've got a supervisory meetting on my phd that I can't get out of.

Dh works an hour away and dropped ds1 off at school. I dropped ds2 off a bit earlier at nursery and mentioned that I was in London.

Keyworker who is room manager was not happy and asked if dad was in town. I said no but that I had arranged my meeting at Waterloo so I could get back easily and I had a friend who was my emergency contact for nursery and she was around. She just humphed and that was it

I'm sitting on the train going to a meeting I don't want to attend and feeling like crap. I never go out of town and I'm really nervous about this meeting. Was there any need for that or AIBU?

OP posts:
Divineintervention · 28/01/2009 09:20

What is the nursery's issue? If you have arranged emergency contacts I don't see the problem!

Lizzylou · 28/01/2009 09:20

YANBU, you have it all covered.
Don't worry, get your meeting out of the way, hope it goes well, and be secrue in the knowledge that your DS's are being well looked after and you have emergency cover if need be (your friend).
Hope your day goes well

BlameItOnTheBogey · 28/01/2009 09:20

None at all. YOu sounds like you have arranged a good back up system (your friend) should anything happen so ignore them and concentrate on your meeting. To be honest, they will have forgotten about it by now so don't let it bother you.

Good luck!

potoftea · 28/01/2009 09:24

She was totally out of order, and you shouldn't feel bad at all.

People go on holidays without their children, and everyone survives.

Your friend is available in an emergency, you even told them you aren't available, so they won't waste time contacting you if they did need someone quickly, so you've been really correct in this situation.

spicemonster · 28/01/2009 09:25

How absurd! I am usually at least an hour away from my DS during the day - that's how long it takes me to get to work.

What a silly woman.

cory · 28/01/2009 09:26

I would never even think I had to tell the nursery where or how I was spending the day. As long as they have the contact number of someone who can come out in an emergency, it is really none of their business.

spicemonster · 28/01/2009 09:28

I meant the keyworker is silly, not you of course

Original poster
debs40 · 28/01/2009 09:30

thanks guys. I thought it was a silly thing to ask. I have just emailed with another contact just in case. Don't they know these things upset mums!!

OP posts:
onepieceofbrusselssprout · 28/01/2009 09:32

What cory said. Also you presumably have a mobile so if they were to ring you in an emergency you could easily either ring your friend yourself, or ask them to do so.

cmotdibbler · 28/01/2009 09:33

I never tell my nursery where I am - DH and I are both regularly well away from there during the day. And our emergency contact is an hour away anyway.

When we lived in Sussex, many of the parents worked in London, and it was 50 minutes on the train, and a train every 30 minutes, and that was never an issue

herbietea · 28/01/2009 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

happybeingme · 28/01/2009 10:11

I don't understand what their issue is. You have an emergency contact is 'around' and besides it is not really any of their business. What if both parents work and hour away? Try not to let it get you down.

Acinonyx · 28/01/2009 11:01

I never told nursery either! I do tell my childminder but she wouldn't think it odd to have to go out of town.

Good look with the board today - tell us how it went

Frasersmum123 · 28/01/2009 11:28

Same as Herbietea - I worked in a nursery and never knew where the parents were at any given point.

fryalot · 28/01/2009 11:32

when dd2 started nursery, I got into the habit of telling the staff every day where I was likely to be at any particular time... just in case.

They soon got fed up of me and made it quite clear that it was highly unlikely that I would be needed but if I was needed they would find me. Or they would ring her dad. Or they would ring one of the three emergency contacts I had. Or they would cope without anybody.

She was being unreasonable and it was unfair of her to put added pressure on you.

stealthsquiggle · 28/01/2009 12:27

DH and I are often further away than that (2-3 hrs) - and I do get a bit annoyed with nursery assuming that I am never more than 10 mins away, but to be fair I think most of the parents at this particular nursery are fairly close by.

YANBU. Good Luck with your meeting.

MadMarg · 28/01/2009 12:37

YANBU at all! How awful for you!

My DS's nursery is local to me, but I have on occasion gone to London which is an hour away. My DH and the emergency contact are both in London and would take an hour to get there if there was an emergency (I'm pregnant, so there could well be such an emergency at some point!!! ). The nursery is actually located close to a mainline station and MANY of their parents work in London as a standard.

But that is why you sign consent forms, isn't it???? If there was an emergency and I couldn't get there in time the nursery would take DS straight to the doctors themselves, or if he has a fever, would give him some calpol. They have protocols for these things and to make a fuss over it just shows THEIR ineptness quite frankly.

Poppycake · 28/01/2009 12:55

She was definitely just being silly. Normally I'm in the office, but sometimes I have to travel to other cities for meetings and stuff. Sometimes I go swimming at lunchtime and don't take my mobile into the pool with me so would be incommunicado for a good 40 mins, and then would have to travel back. You're not meant to be sitting at the phone 10 minutes away waiting for that call!

mylifemykids · 28/01/2009 13:02

'She just humphed and that was it' Did you want her to wish you luck or give you a hug?

How do you know she was unhappy with you being in London?

I do think you're being a bit sensitive about 'comments' as she didn't really say anything.

But YANBU about the fact that you're more than 10 mins away if you have an emergency contact anyway

Original poster
debs40 · 28/01/2009 13:14

She did make comment by asking me where dad was when I said I was in London and contactable by mobile.

Perhaps I took that the wrong way as she's always such a misery. I'm sure you'll agree that how people say things is as important as what they say sometimes

But of course I didn't expect her to say good luck! Don't be silly/facetious! She didn't know why I was in London anyway

Thanks to you all x

OP posts:
theresonlyme · 28/01/2009 13:16

I would be tempted to say something but then I always tell the staff where I am going if not straight home while DS is in playschool.

Tiramissu · 28/01/2009 16:46

'i 'm sure you ll agree that how people say things is as important as what they say sometimes'.
I agree.

But also it is how we interprete things, how WE feel, how stressed we are that particular moment/day.
Tbh i am always a bit surprised with these threads, i mean do really people get sooo upset by something that it hasnt even been said?
Or perhaps i have very thick skin....

mylifemykids · 28/01/2009 16:58

do really people get sooo upset by something that it hasnt even been said

That's what I was trying to say in my heavy handed way! I just wondered what you expected her to say once you'd sorted out that, even though you weren't close enough for an emergency, you had people who were. I suppose she could have said 'ok that's fine' but, like you said, she's miserable so perhaps that's just not her style (friendly I mean!)

Katiestar · 28/01/2009 17:01

YANBU
You pay them to look after your DC so you can work ,not be sitting at teh end of the road 'just in case'

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/01/2009 17:07

YANBU

tbh it is none of the nurseries business where you are AS LONG there is someone to collect in an emrgancy OR they can contact you via phone