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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be disgusted with this dad?

64 replies

FimbleHobbs · 27/01/2009 17:57

Picture the scene: DS's 4th birthday party on Sunday, a dad arrives with one of DS's friends and says he will be back at the end of the party. I only know the child by sight but there is another parent staying who has had him at their house for a playdate. So I am happy for him to be left and ask his dad for a contact number.
He replies: 'oh well I'm going out and haven't got my mobile on me'
Its clear he has no intention of staying and the little boy is already running around having fun, so I decide theres not a lot I can do and agree to see the dad in 2 hours time.
10 minutes later the little boy has an asthma attack and asks for his 'puffer'. I didn't know he had asthma and nor did anyone else at the party. There is no inhaler in his pockets.
I take him out into the fresh air with the parent who knows him slightly better than I do, and call an ambulance.
Ambulance arrives and gets him stable, but wants him in hospital. None of the adults at the party can be classed as responsible for him so the police have to attend to accompany him to hospital.
I try various methods to get hold of dad or mum, but no success, so at the end of the party dad comes back and I tell him about the asthma attack and not having an inhaler.
He says a very lame 'sorry' and assumes he is still at the party. Huffs and puffs when I tell him he is in hospital and sets off to pick him up (having a fag on his way back to his car!!)
The dad hasn't rung me since (I asked him to let me know how the little boy was), didn't thank me/the other parents, blanked me this morning at preschool, and has told the pre-school staff that I 'totally over-reacted'. I don't expect a medal or whatever but if that was me, I would make a point of apologising and saying thankyou, certainly not start slagging off my actions!
I said to the little boy that he could come round for tea one day because he was upset to miss the party, I am going to arrange this with his mum though rather than his dad...

OP posts:

lilymolly · 27/01/2009 17:59

YANBU Sounds like a price w**ker to me

ScarletA · 27/01/2009 17:59

God - what a complete ! Poor you, you did EXACTLY the right thing and the man is obviously embarrassed - hence the dumb way he is behaving.

wotulookinat · 27/01/2009 17:59

YANBU. It sounds like you acted in a very sensible manner.

AnyFucker · 27/01/2009 18:00

YANBU, he sounds like a bit of a dead-beat dad

you did the rght thing to call an ambulance, anything could have happened

lesson learned, always get a contact number

Divineintervention · 27/01/2009 18:00

Having been taken to hospital I would think the SS will be involved.

compo · 27/01/2009 18:01

god, that's crap
sounds like he might have been embarassed
wonder if the police and hospital staff had a go at him

Ronaldinhio · 27/01/2009 18:02

I didn't know the police had to go with the child in that circumstance?
Didn't you have responsibility for him as he had been entrusted to you by his father?

cocolepew · 27/01/2009 18:02

YANBU.

Some parents held a party for the p7's finishing the 11+, 3 parents came on the night and said "Oh DD/DS is allergic to xyz, here's their epipens" and left as quick as possible. They had to fill in a form to let us know about numbers and not 1 wrote anything about allergies on it and didn't bother to find out if any of us knew how to use the pen.

becstarlitsea · 27/01/2009 18:02

You might have saved his DS's life and that's his reaction! My DS has asthma, and I know you did NOT overreact - if ambulance crew wanted him in hospital, he was clearly wheezing badly.

And he's SMOKING! With an asthmatic child! No mobile number, no inhaler, and no thank you to the person who might potentially have saved his kid's life! Bad, bad man. The only thing I can think is that he was so ashamed of himself when he realised how badly he'd behaved that he couldn't talk to you. No excuse for smoking when you've got an asthmatic child though... Grrr...

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 27/01/2009 18:03

Asthma can kill. You did the right thing and that dad is a fool.

You do NOT piss about with your child's inhalor. EVER.

ShannaraTiger · 27/01/2009 18:03

poor little boy. You are definately not being unreasonable. I would certainly be only talking to his mum in the future.

jetsetbaby · 27/01/2009 18:03

How rude...and irresponsible!! The poor child must have been so frightened. Clearly the dad just wanted somewhere to dump the child for a couple of hours, I would be livid!!YANBU!

2shoes · 27/01/2009 18:05

yanbu(but no idea ahet ahving a fag has to do with it)

QueenEagle · 27/01/2009 18:05

If the police attended they may be required to complete an "at risk" form given those circumstances. Of course it depends on knowing the full story once the parent(s) have been spoken to.

I couldn't leave my kids at a party without giving the organising parent a contact number.

Original poster

FimbleHobbs · 27/01/2009 18:06

Divineintervention - believe it or not the dad actually IS a social worker!!! (works with adults rather than children though)

AnyFucker - I know, I was kicking myself - next time I will refuse to accept a child without a parent's contact number but I just felt sad for the little boy

Ronaldinhio - apparently they do - there was no formal arrangement for me to be in charge of him (like a preschool would have) - eg the father had signed nothing. TBH I was glad the police did have to be notified and present as I would not have been comfortable giving medical consent etc even if I was entitled to - I just don't know the child or either of his parents.

OP posts:

noonki · 27/01/2009 18:12

2shoes - if your child has asthma you tend to give up smoking as even if you smoke outside when you go inside the particles that come off your clothes etc can affect them longterm.

My friend had to give up after her little lad got asthma. After the GP gave her a talking to.

Ronaldinhio · 27/01/2009 18:12

He sounds like a complete fucknugget

How stressful...have an Aftereight and a pint of Baileys

lljkk · 27/01/2009 18:12

It's not clear to me from OP that the boy was in severe danger, so I don't know about whether OP really needed to call an ambulance. Or are you supposed to do that with every asthma attack, however mild? (obviously I have no experience).

I don't like the word 'disgusted' -- it's too nasty and elitist for me (I don't really understand what people mean when they use it like OP did). But "annoyed" with the little boy's dad complaining at preschool, that's how I'd feel.

laweaselmys · 27/01/2009 18:13

Your response was textbook perfect for what to do. Can't believe what an utter twat the dad is though.

Ronaldinhio · 27/01/2009 18:13

Can you tell I'm still trying to shift the Christmas plunder

Leeza2 · 27/01/2009 18:13

YANBU

I know someone who DIED during an asthma attack. A healthy rugby playing father of two young kids. You did absolutely the right thing

The dad is pissed off because it will probably get him in trouble at his work. thats his problem. no sympathy

all he had to do was go home, get the inhaler and his mobile. no big deal. couldt he have left his home number and the child's mother mobile no? or another relative? STUPID man

laweaselmys · 27/01/2009 18:14

without medication an actual proper attack won't get better. If you don't have any medication to give them, they need to go to hospital.

2shoes · 27/01/2009 18:15

noonki oh I see, I thought it was ok as he was outside and not with his son

CarGirl · 27/01/2009 18:15

any asthma attack can turn into one that is fatal, at least that is my understanding.

CharCharGabor · 27/01/2009 18:17

What an idiot! Yanbu

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