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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be disgusted with this dad?

64 replies

FimbleHobbs · 27/01/2009 17:57

Picture the scene: DS's 4th birthday party on Sunday, a dad arrives with one of DS's friends and says he will be back at the end of the party. I only know the child by sight but there is another parent staying who has had him at their house for a playdate. So I am happy for him to be left and ask his dad for a contact number.
He replies: 'oh well I'm going out and haven't got my mobile on me'
Its clear he has no intention of staying and the little boy is already running around having fun, so I decide theres not a lot I can do and agree to see the dad in 2 hours time.
10 minutes later the little boy has an asthma attack and asks for his 'puffer'. I didn't know he had asthma and nor did anyone else at the party. There is no inhaler in his pockets.
I take him out into the fresh air with the parent who knows him slightly better than I do, and call an ambulance.
Ambulance arrives and gets him stable, but wants him in hospital. None of the adults at the party can be classed as responsible for him so the police have to attend to accompany him to hospital.
I try various methods to get hold of dad or mum, but no success, so at the end of the party dad comes back and I tell him about the asthma attack and not having an inhaler.
He says a very lame 'sorry' and assumes he is still at the party. Huffs and puffs when I tell him he is in hospital and sets off to pick him up (having a fag on his way back to his car!!)
The dad hasn't rung me since (I asked him to let me know how the little boy was), didn't thank me/the other parents, blanked me this morning at preschool, and has told the pre-school staff that I 'totally over-reacted'. I don't expect a medal or whatever but if that was me, I would make a point of apologising and saying thankyou, certainly not start slagging off my actions!
I said to the little boy that he could come round for tea one day because he was upset to miss the party, I am going to arrange this with his mum though rather than his dad...

OP posts:

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 27/01/2009 18:17

lljkk- the op didn't even know the child had asthma, let alone whether it was mild ar severe.

I think that her actions were beyond reproach, and given the situation (I hope) most of us would have done the same.

The actions of the father in question were disgusting and inappropriate given the situation.

Fairynufff · 27/01/2009 18:19

YANBU and I would go so far as to predict that something like this will end up in the headlines as having tragic consequences it happens so often. I can think of two similar circumstances at kids parties I've been to. One was an asthma attack and no one had contact numbers, another was where a 5 year old kid had been left at a whacky warehouse party but when it came to food time no one knew where, or even who he was - he was just a name on a sheet.

Leeza2 · 27/01/2009 18:21

lljkk - this is how the person i know died. he had an asthma attack , his first, at home one evening. his DW called the GP out of hours service. a dr arrived from the deputising service and gave him a prescription . His Dw had to wait for relatives to arrive to stay with him and the children while she went to the all night pharmacy, which was a few miles away.

Neither of them know how bad it was. He was embarassed to call out his relatives in the middle of the night

He died. If she had called an ambulance he would probably have been fine

Unless you are qualified its not a good idea to try to decide yourself if an attack is " severe" or not. It wasnt the OPs child and he didnt have any meds. she did the right thing.

sarah293 · 27/01/2009 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

becstarlitsea · 27/01/2009 18:23

Yes DorisIsAPinkDragon, spot on. If you don't know the child, it's so hard to judge how bad their attack is. Sometimes a dr has seen my DS and initially said he's okay but when I tell the dr 'no he's not, have a closer look' we've usually ended up being rushed into hospital for the nebuliser and steroids (it's tricky to assess DS because he carries on running around until his blood oxygen dips to the point where he loses consciousness, so he looks like he's fine if you don't know him). If they don't have an inhaler and they're having an attack, better to err on the side of caution.

TotalChaos · 27/01/2009 18:24

yanbu. far better to be overcautious with a young child and a disorder like asthma.

laweaselmys · 27/01/2009 18:26

it's not really a case of 'mild' and 'severe' attacks anyway. mild asthma is totally different to regular asthma. If you can tell somebody is having an attack then it already IS bad.

littleboyblue · 27/01/2009 18:27

God, that's awful. That poor little boy. How frightening for you. You def did the right thing IMO, for all you'he'we know, you saved that boys life, if I was the parent I'd feel totally indebted to you.
How can you leave an astmatic child or any child/person practically alone without medication.

izyboy · 27/01/2009 18:28

I think having a word with Dad and Mum would be entirely appropriate. Disgusting behaviour!

PlumBumMum · 27/01/2009 18:48

and that was before I even got to the part where he slagged you off to the staff at the preschool
If something had went wrong they would be calling you stupid for not ringing an ambulance
some people

nickschick · 27/01/2009 18:58

OMG!!!....when eldest ds had bad asthma he went nowhere without his puffers and a lot of fone numbers (for me,dh,the dr,the hospital,his consultant,all his deatils all laminated and fstened around his puffers.

This is no word of a lie he rarely gets wheezy now but out of curiousity ive just checked my handbag for his inhaler and yes theres one there ,dh assures me theres one in the car and theres one in ds coat pocket.(every xmas I put in a repeat prescription for them !!)

nickschick · 27/01/2009 18:58

forgot to add hes 15

MrsMattie · 27/01/2009 18:59

YANBU. Irresponsible twit!

Horton · 27/01/2009 19:08

Christ, that father is a tosser of the first order. How utterly irresponsible and selfish. YANBU in any way, not even a bit. Thank god you were so sensible and did all the right things.

LucyJones · 27/01/2009 19:22

I don't know how sensible it is too dump and run with 4/5 year olds at these type of parties
I went to one at the w/end for a reception class
one 5 yr old girl fell over and when she did looked around for her mum but she'd gone
yes, she'd left a number but I don't think she'd asked anyone to watch out for her (and why should anyone else to be honest unless the favour is reciprocated, in this case she always goes so it never would be reciprocated)

dangfando · 27/01/2009 19:24

If the ambulance staff thought he was bad enough to need to go to hospital then you blatantly didn't overreact and I can't believe anyone is suggesting you did! Never mind the father's behaviour leaving him there without puffer or phone number. That's downright careless and uncaring , on top of rude!

Gavlaar · 27/01/2009 19:38

hope his wife ripped him a new one.

TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2 · 27/01/2009 19:53

I can't believe people have said you over reacted! I took Tink to the GP not long ago with D&V, she was running around the waiting room, playing on the toys etc. Got called in, the GP examined her tummy and said she thought she was breathing fast so counted her breaths. She said she wasn't happy so gave her ten blue. She sent us outside and called her next patient to see if she would settle. She didn't, we ended up in the paediatric A&E. It took them three days to bring her out of her attack and a week to wean her off the drugs.

I didn't even think her breathing was a problem, but when an attack starts they can progress quickly!

As you've said you didn't have any responsibility for the child, the only thing you could do was call someone who could take that responsibility and in the absence of parents that's the authorities. It wasn't your place to take responsibility for not treating him.

cheshirekitty · 27/01/2009 19:59

Asthma kills, plain and simple. You did not over react. You did the right thing. If the ambulance crew thought you had over reacted they would never have taken the child to hospital.

Cannot believe people have said you overreacted.

YANBU.

The father sounds like an idiot.

Leo9 · 27/01/2009 20:00

Agree with the poster who said your actions were beyond reproach. Well done you - don't be undermined by this man's reaction, he just knows he's been shown up for being very irresponsible.

OrmIrian · 27/01/2009 20:00

I suspect a terminal case of guilt. Or perhaps I am being charitable. Perhaps he was just a selfish tw*t.

If the paramedics wanted him in hospital you weren't overreacting.

fryalot · 27/01/2009 20:02

If you had been overreacting, the ambulance people would not have had to sort him out, they also would not have wanted to take him in to hospital.

They would have said "gosh, you're overreacting a bit, aren't you!" and gone to rescue someone who needed them.

The reason they didn't do this is because he did need them, he did need the hospital and thanks to you, he got them.

I shudder to think what may have happened if someone less astute had been hosting the party.

Well done

kitkatqueen · 27/01/2009 20:20

Hold your head up high when you go to the preschool. Potentially you saved that childs life and no-one should mock you for that especially his own father. I wouldn't bother bringing it up with whoever he was telling that you over-reacted unless they bring it up with you, then give them chapter and verse on what a complete T**t he is.

The guy is obviously a complete ar*e Biscuit of the highest order!!

Thanks for all the info though everyone - my dd's party is coming up soon!

Sorry about the bad language by the way!

pollywobbledoodle · 27/01/2009 20:22

he's an irresponsible twat and knows it so is trying to cover it by making you out to be irresponsible instead.....how awful for you and the little lad

hope your child managed to enjoy their party!

Lotster · 27/01/2009 20:24

YANBU - God what a cocknocker.

Really hope his mum is a better parent than he is. You did good girl.

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