to think that it is actually quite offensive to suggest that someone who doesn't like performing certain sexual acts is uptight/buttoned up/lacking in some way...?

[wannaBe]

yes thread off the back of a thread I know. So shoot me I don't really care...

As women we are told that we should be in control. That we should never feel forced into doing something we are not comfortable with.

And yet I have just read comments on another thread basically criticising women for not feeling comfortable with certain sexual acts. Calling them selfish if they do not perform certain things for their dh's gratification. Suggesting that women who don't like to do certain things are uptight.

Since when should anything go just because it's what someone else would find pleasurable? Since when did it become wrong/unacceptable/even frowned upon to find something horrible and refuse to do it?

What other people do in the bedroom is their business. So surely what I and others refuse to do in the bedroom is also our business and no-one has the right to judge that?

I offend very very rarely, but I find it pretty offensive tbh that there are people who think that all women should do whatever the hell their dh's want because we somehow owe it to them..

Do women not have the right to say no any more then?

ilbj, not your fault

i love bj's. well, there's a shock!

but if others don't, hey ho. live and let live.

i would never volunteer to try butt fucking, but others would.

DH has never had butt sex.

And he ain't getting it from me.

Just read the other thread and found it quite entertaining!

However i don't think the op was being unreasonable. Seemed to just be a perfectly civilised discussion until a couple of people got a bit insulting and called those who didn't like oral sex uptight. Which is unreasonable (not being deliberately evasive either - can't remember who the poster was)

I know! I wish I could remember enough of the text to find the whole thing. I tried googling that quote, but that obviously didn't end well!

yes 100, and the sad thing is that is often women who judge each other (if MN is anything to go by....)

no it was definitely not the op's fault. And the initialpart of the thread was certainly amusing!

I started this thread though because IMO the comments low energy and others made I think raised other questions re the expectations of women on a sexual level and I think it's worthy of discussion on a thread of its own iyswim.

Expat your poor deprived dh. . Am I allowed to admit my dh wouldn't get but sex from me either? or is denying but sex as well as blowjobs even more of a sin.

Each to their own I say...I noticed twinset had posted when I saw it on active convos, and had a peek to be amused by her saying she asked her DP how he'd feel never to experience it again, and had to laugh when she reported him saying wearily "What are they saying on mumsnet now then?"

Other than that, I missed it really- what people like to do in bed is up to them as far as I can see.

Been thinking about this as I loaded my dishwasher and listening to Wicked
I think this is down to personal taste/preference (no pun intended) !
I genuinely like sex, like receiving, and I do like giving (it gives me great pleasure to give pleasure IYSWIM)...
My relationship with STBXH was pretty nasty/abusive and the sex certainly bordered on controlling at times , especially around BJ's....this hasnt put me off and sex with NM is rather wonderful and giving him BJ was rather wonderful too
I think it depends on the woman and the man and as long as they are both happy and fulfilled then I really dont think it matters a jot what they do - its the happy and fulfilled that is important .....
FWIW he is now asking how I feel about bum sex LOL

Test

Nope, yanbu.

Sex is private and personal.

There is a whole scope of sexual acts that I would absolutely NOT consider performing (and probably more that I don't know about) so each to their own.

I don't that it is offensive that 1 woman would make judgements about another woman's sexuality.

Sexuality should be about the whole way that a person responds to the sexual and sensual nature of the attractiveness and emotional content of the world around them.

The idea that how uptight or relaxed someone's sexuality is can be defined mainly by the sexual acts they are prepared to carry out for a man in the bedroom is utterly bizarre.

That should have read I do find it offensive!!

Sorry.

Name changer here! Each to their own. It's a very personal decision and no one should question what another deems to be appropriate or not.

I personally don't give DP blowjobs, I just can't, but have no problem doing them for my OM. I just don't fancy DP enough to do it. I love him and care for him but any sexual attraction is long gone and OM has something that DP just doesn't. I can't help it and can't change it. I stopped wanking DH because he complained that I didn't 'do it like I do' and there's me thinking that was the whole point! We're doomed methinks!! And do I care? No!!

I don't care what acts other people do or do not perform in the bedroom. - I'm not there and they're not asking me for help, so why should I care?

It amazes me that anyone would care. Totally amazes me. I mean, how does it affect you in any way if someone else closes the door and does or does not give their dp oral or anal or buggers them roughly with a chunky kitkat?

What Hecate says. And how do you know that any one individual man is going to be unhappy if he doesn't get to perform one particular sexual act? I wouldn't be surprised to hear that there are people who've never had sex at all and are still happy. Or unhappy for totally different reasons. People are individuals. With different sexual desires/sex drives whatever.

agree wannabe

a woman must do what they feel comfortable with

I haven't read the other thread, but I think it is a bit blinkered to suggest that you (or anybody else) is uptight cos you don't like or do x,y,z... you do want you wanna do wannabe!! You are perfectly entitled to be you and to like what you like and dislike what you dislike, and if it were clothes or a handbag or a sofa, people would say, of course..

well read the other thread first that wasnt the OP AT ALL!!!

Ah, see, I think calling someone else 'uptight' because they don't do X is rude.

I also think saying 'ewww! gross! how could you do X' is rude. Nobody on this thread has said this - but this sort of comment happens all the time on buttsex threads, for example.

It's a delicate area, and people are not as careful with their words as they should be.

YANBU.