to wish that my friends wouldn't keep raising the stakes in terms of having friends round outside of school?

[eekamoose]

????? well am I ??????

Does anyone know what I'm on about ??????

Erm....not sure...

I don't often have other children round after school. Largely because I can't be bothered and dd rarely asks

Are you talking about the quantity or quality of playdates?

lol@raising the stakes

Sort of. My DS is still at nursery, but there is already a competitive birthday party culture (sigh), so i assume the playdate competition is coming soon.

It's such a drag when you make a few out-of-the packet fairy cakes and crack out the Now That's What I called Music for a few rounds of musical statues and some other evil bint devoted mum hires a two level restaurant for 50 kids and has a chocolate fountain and bloody Coco the bloody Clown...

Yup, competitive birthday party culture alive and well in these parts too. Grrrrrrrrr.

In our circle, we have moved on from playdates (with some mums issuing invitations almost every bloody day of the week) to sleepovers!

A girl in dd's class is having a sleepover for 4 others this weekend and it isn't even her birthday .

I don't want extra children sleeping in my house thank you very much except on VERY special occasions but if I don't return the invitations my dd gets then I'll be seen as rude and dd will think I don't lurve her etc, and it just gets right on my tits actually.

But there you go!

I'm pregnant with dc3 and the main upside is that baby is due 2 weeks before DS1's 5th birthday - i am therefore handing all responsibility for party over to DH.

With regards to play dates as with everything you just choose not to compete - its just not worth it.

how old are they when sleepovers start? the thought of them scares me!

DD (4) is definitely getting more playdate invitations. But they are very low key - as in pop over after lunch on Wednesday and have a drink and a chocolate biscuit in the kitchen while children run riot play quietly in the sitting room.

Some of the birthday parties are outrageous, though - multiple nannies and entertainers, exotic cakes, party bags that would be a Christmas Stocking in other households...

oh I see what you mean, my closest mummy friend has got very into the sleepover lark, and I don't think DS is ready, and more to the point I don't want overnight responsibility for an extra 4 year old in non-emergency circumstances.

I wasn't aware that is was a competition. Can't you just ignore what they are doing and do what you want?

My son has his friend round almost every evening. It makes no difference to me; if he slept over it wouldn't make much difference either. I don't really know what other Mum's do. It is much easier just to do what you want.

Is the problem that your child will get upset if she is different? Because that is a tricky one.

Will you really be seen as rude, or do you just think you will?

No way would i have sleepovers for the hell of it, you'd be lucky if i had one for a special occasion. Luckily my DCs already think i'm a meany.

Have to say that I like it when dd has friends round. She is an only child. In my experience I get far more free time after school if dd is upstairs playing with a friend.

Only extra work for me is to cook enough food for one more.

I don't expect playdates in return. We do it to make my life easier.

Dd has only had sleepovers with two of her close friends, one at a time. I know their parents very well. She is 6, started at 5. Again it really causes very little hassle for me to have one sleep over.

We're the same Hula but not sleepovers yet (dd is 4). I'm forever having other people's children round after school and in the holidays.

We had sleepovers just because it was the end of the summer holidays, it was a nightmare, they never went to sleep until 4am and were awake at 7am with a cafe style order for breakfast (perhaps i shouldn't of promised a cooked breakfast in exchange for sleep )

I know a friend of dd1 (they are nearly 11) have sleepovers every other week, as the mother works every other weekend.

my dc's have friends over after school on a regular basis. but i dont feel the need to compete.

I would rather chew off my left leg rather than host a sleepover.

I did host one for dd's birthday last year Soupy. She was 7 and wasn't having a party or anything.

She invited 3 friends...

Lts just say it was similar to tots2ten's experience and not one I wish to repeat in a hurry!

Which is why I wish my (otherwise perfectly lovely) mum friends weren't issuing invites willy nilly.

Am an old grump .

I run a Rainbows group, they can get a badge for doing an overnighter at the scout hut.........we don't do it (do I LOOK mad!!)

DDs 9 and 7 sleepover one night only at GPs thats it.

some of these sleepovers start way to young I think, unless you have known the other parents/kids for years or have an incredibly spacious and tidy house, why would you do it?!

Dd (7) has a sleepover or a playdate every week, but she is an only child and her best friends mum has other children with age gaps that mean they dont play that well.

Nothing competitive about it, more convenient.

Don't get that many school friends round after school as we live in a different village, but do seem to have the neighbours children living here most days (or so it seems)...

Whoever comes to play though, they get abandoned to what they want to do, so I can get on with browsing forum websites work, chores etc. No competitive spirit here!

And I would rather sit naked, in the street, watching my feet burn, than host a sleepover.

Well yes Twinset, your situation is different to mine.

My DD and DS both have friends over here to play/have tea and they go out to their friends houses too. I quite appreciate how convenient it is to have dcs occupied by other friends (esp. if they both have a friend on the same day).

My issue, as per my thread title, is that I wish this wasn't now morphing into sleepovers for a group of girls for no apparent reason (ie. not birthday) because if I do not reciprocate then I think that will be perceived as all take and no give on our part.

Or maybe people don't keep a subconscious tally? I remember being offended last year when DS was not invited back to a little boy's house after he had been to ours.

I dont formally tally tbh, I dont really care. But often I will say I will have the girls Friday to Saturday afternoon and then dd will go to theirs until Sunday evening or we will do alternate weekends.

I'm always inviting children over - I love a houseful. My children have people over more often than they get invited - but I really don't mind. Apart from anything else, I would much rather my 13 year old had her friends over here where I know roughly what's going on than her going I don't know where with I don't know who!

My son is an only child and I too love a houseful of friends and cousins. I also want him to feel happy to bring his friends home. I also have fairly big parties - in the park or in the backgarden as cant abide the thought of leaving a child out in the class. Some parents have invited ten boys and left two out. Not a good example