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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel patronised by this?!

62 replies

chelseamorning · 20/01/2009 13:19

As is often the case with these things (and life in general) some people at our local toddler group don't pull their weight with helping to put out or pack up the toys. However the majority of us do.

At yesterdays' session, the Chair of the group announced that it was tidy up time and then said things were going to happen a little differently. She pulled some cards out of her pocket which had different tasks written on each one. She then asked us all to go over and take a card and then carry out the task on it!

How utterly patronising! As I said, the majority of people there do pull their weight. It was interesting to see that those who wouldn't normally help out just slunk away and didn't take a card/task. Therefore I really can't see the benefit.

And for the record, 'no', I didn't take a ruddy card. Nor did a number of others near me. However I did do my bit and tidied up as usual.

AIBU to be expected to be treated like an adult and not a child at a toddler group?!

OP posts:

BoffinMum · 20/01/2009 13:23

Some people forget how to talk to other adults. I avoid toddler groups for this reason, amongst others.

Lauriefairycake · 20/01/2009 13:23

well seeing as you always help out the poor woman was probably just trying to get all those whonever do to help so that you (and your ilk) wouldn't get pissed off.

Ham-fisted but I feel sorry for her.

laweaselmys · 20/01/2009 13:26

I suppose it was nice that she tried. But yes, I would also be a bit insulted!

solo · 20/01/2009 13:29

Agree with Laurie. It was a way of trying to haul everyone in to help without telling people in a grown up way that they are lazy buggers. Don't feel patronised, feel glad that they actually do notice that there are some lazy arses that don't join you grafters in helping out.

Nekabu · 20/01/2009 13:31

I agree with Solo and Laurie. It must be quite difficult to think of a way to get the sluggards to join in without coming straight out and saying that they are lazy dollops and need to do their share. I'd say that was very firmly aimed at the idlers, not at those who are already helping.

chickenfortea · 20/01/2009 13:34

Perhaps they should get the toddlers to take a card and get their grown up to help!

PinkTulips · 20/01/2009 13:38

might have been better if she'd taken those of you who do pull your weight to one side and asked your opinion on how to get others to help all right but i guess she was just trying to make the lazy ones pull their weight without directly confronting them.

don't think you need to feel patronised tbh

laweaselmys · 20/01/2009 13:39

That's actually an awesome idea chickenfortea - you can't just slide off if your dc are excited about tidying X away.

BexieID · 20/01/2009 13:46

One of the toddlers groups we goto started a rota system, which included preparing the tea/coffee, juice and biscuits as well as tidying the toys away. Was a good idea, but I never got a sheet saying when it was my turn and only found out on the day (and i'm usually running late ). We now all just muck in. Everyone helps, even the kids!

mrsseanbean · 20/01/2009 13:49

I think it's a good idea actually. It's mayhem at tidy up time at our group - everyone trying to squeeze in and out of a tiny door at the same time, children helping getting under everyone's feet - I would love a bit of organisation.

wotulookinat · 20/01/2009 13:50

hmmm it's hard one. I might have felt a bit patronised too, but I would have been glad that she was trying to get others to help too. Make a pact with her to put the nicer tasks on one side of the batch so that the lazy sods get the horrid ones
I once heard some mums at one of my toddler groups saying that they always left early to avoid clearing up. Charming.

Original poster

chelseamorning · 20/01/2009 13:53

I take your point, Solo, Laurie, Nekabu...

In life, there are those who help and those who are just lazy. No matter what system you have in place, if you're lazy, you'll always find a way to shirk your responsibilities.

To be honest, the jobs are always done as the majority do muck in. We also have a rota system where you can volunteer to help set up or put everything back. Also, there are regular 'nudges' from the Chair encouraging people to help.

As for your suggestion, Chickenfortea, I'll suggest it!

OP posts:

wotulookinat · 20/01/2009 13:56

or charge more for the mothers who don't help

chickenfortea · 20/01/2009 13:59

or you could spit in their tea

wotulookinat · 20/01/2009 14:00

giggle. Yeah, or don't pass the biscuits to them.

NellieTheEllie · 20/01/2009 14:13

ok, I'm probably gonna get jumped on for saying this...
But why should they have to help?
Most playgroups I've been to have volunteers to help run them. These are people who actually actively offer their services to help set up/tidy away etc.
I pay my money and go to these things so I can actually get out of the house and not have to spend my days tidying up!
I'm forever being roped into doing the craft table/the tea/the door at these playgroups, when all I want is for a chat with an adult for an hour, and let my Dc have a run about and play.
This doesn't mean I'm lazy and don't do 'my bit' but not everyone wants to be 'involved' with the whole playgroup thing.
(for the record though - I DO tidy up)

RubyRioja · 20/01/2009 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smallorange · 20/01/2009 14:19

I run a toddler group and there are occasions when I feel like screaming - like when I'm washing up and someone comes and chucks their mug into the bowl and breezes out again.

I feel like their skivvy.

She was probably trying to make a point in a subtle way - maybe trying to share out the tasks in a random and thus fair way. Don't bitch about her, it's not fair.

wotulookinat · 20/01/2009 14:20

Smallorange, how did you start up a toddler group? It's something I would love to do.

chickenfortea · 20/01/2009 14:22

excellent All round to wotulookinat's house tomorrow at 9. bagsy not clearing up!

Drusilla · 20/01/2009 14:22

I expect the poor Chair has some of the mothers who do tidy up constantly harping on at her to do something about the ones who don't. She is in a no win situation, whatever she does will piss someone off!

wotulookinat · 20/01/2009 14:23

hee hee I don't mind a mess here! The dog can clear the crumbs up when the kids have gone, and the washing up can go in the dishwasher. Only £1 entry!

StepfordKnife · 20/01/2009 14:25

I don't think I could muster up the enthusiasm to be patronised and insulted. A little perspective required here I think!

What are your ideas for getting lazy arses to pitch in (rather than standing on the side lines and inwardly heckling the Chair for her 'unsuitable' ideas)

mrsseanbean · 20/01/2009 14:25

I don't know about anyone else, but I think I would almost rather clear up single handed than the current mayhem I have to endure.

And they need someone to look after dcs until it's finished as well. Having 19mo running free range just makes it even more stressful.

It is so bad it puts me off going. I am no skiver - but it's a 'too many cooks' situation at the moment. Madness.

IwishIwasamermaid · 20/01/2009 14:27

I stopped going to toddlers after I was told to put the wooden ride on cars away and then hoover the floor, its held in a reasonably large church hall.

Fair enough usually but I was 37 weeks pregnant and unable to hoover my own house never mind anywhere else.

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