or was my friend a bit rude?

[bangandthedirtisgone]

Went out with my friend at the weekend for her birthday.

She doesn't have DC. She always reminds me that I'm her 'party' friend who I can be myself and not jsut a Mummy with. Well, I kind of get her sentiment so that's ok.

But sometimes I feel as though she expects me to actually pretend I'm not a mother, or at least doesn't display any understanding for my situation.

e.g. she told me off for 'not making an effort' with my appearance. Actually, I tried as hard as I could but none of my old clothes fit because of the baby weight and I didn't really need to be made to feel more shit about it.

She stayed over and (ok she'd had a drink, but still) told me the house is a mess and I should have made more of an effort to clean as I had a guest.

While I think she's right on both counts I didn't look a complete state and neither did the house. I also thought we were good enough friends for me not to need to scrub my house before she comes over.

It's incredibly rude for anyone to ever comment on personal appearance or your house - and I think drinking is no excuse.
I would imagine she's jealous of your child and afraid of being replaced.
Not a good friend for you I'm afraid.

Blimey, she sounds a bit harsh!!! Has she always been so blunt, and are you like this with her too or is it all one way?

xx

Ask yourself what does she do for you? She expects you to make an effort with the house when she stays over, does she recipriocate? What was her reasoning for you making more of an effort appearance wise - did she say "so you feel good about yourself" or is it because she wanted you to look a certain way when out with her?

No I'm not like this too!

The appearance thing came up because I said to her 'you're looking very glamorous this evening' which she was. Then she sort of looked me up and down and said I could have made more of an effort.

Sorry, but

those that matter, don't care
those that care, don't matter.

I would tell your friend to take a long walk off a short pier.
I wouldn't have dreamed of saying that to any of my friends with children in my pre-ds days.
Frankly she is being a bitch and I'm in form agreement that she has a touch of the green eyed monster!

How very rude! She was a guest in your home, so even if you were living in abject squalor, rubbish blowing across your muddy floors, pigeons flying through holes in the ceiling, she should just keep her mouth hut and say 'thank you for having me'.

And as for the crack about your appearance, I would have had to say something. You are clearly a better friend than she deserves, and are not BU.

I wouldnt mind so much the first one, about appearance, i would think that maybe she means well. In my case, anyway, because it is true.i don;t make much efford.

But the second one, about the house, it would make me

has she always been like this?
Is she jealous that you are married and have kids and seh doesn't?

She is rude. You sound lovely.

Re-read NABs post.

she is right.

I wouldn't dream of saying that to anyone dcs or no dcs, what a bitch.

Thing is, I wasn't exactly out in jogging bottoms or anything.

I'd done my hair and make up, had my nicest jeans on, a pretty top - I was even wearing 4 inch heels too for the first time in ages.

Sort of made me feel like, well, if I look that shit when I've gone to town then there really is no hope for me.

Er, I'd tell her to fuck off! Actually in reality I wouldn't but I would be seriously pissed off and you have every right to be. As for how to deal with it? I'm not sure, as I am not very confrontational. But YANBU at all.

Do you think you may have actually looked better than her? Just a thought!

YANBU - that's incredibly rude!

I agree with New!

A nice thought LL, but noooo!

She is is big boobed, tall, slim blonde with a face like Sophie Dahl.

I probably showed her up.

Newamazing - That saying is so true.

OP - your friend is a bitch, dump her.

Blimey, what a cow.

Methinks she protested too much. Something else at work there. Jealousy perhaps? No way is that kind of reaction about your appearance/home reasonable or without motive.

What a bag.
Ouch.
and for you.

Will you just let it go and not say anything or do you want to say something about it to her?

I don't really want to say anything as I don't want her to know she hit a nerve.

Kids or no kids, she was rude and nasty to you.
Is there some other baggage with this friendship? I'm not sure what I'd do in this situation.

What a whinging cow bag

Great comment from amazingnewbegining! i am sorry to hear about your up her own ass friend, i had a friend like this also although she said different things then what was said to you she said them on a few occasions after 'a drink' i spoke to her about it and she didnt change so im afraid i had to dump her in the end which was a shame because she used to be a brilliant friend then just got all up her own ass due to certain circumstances (which actually were nothing to be proud of). I know that i am better off without a friend that puts me down though! maybe talk to her and if things dont change then its better to just let go