To be miffed at a) why my mother told me & b) why my DC didn't get the same?

[MrsMagooo]

My BB (Bastard Brother) has recently announced he & his new wife are expecting.

I don't particulary get along with my brother, he's an arrogant, self centred, selfish, big headed, I'm-better-then-you moron & my mother thinks the sun shines out his arse! Anywho - I did the sisterly thing & offered them our crib & baby clothes.

My mother phoned last night to waffle on & on about said new baby & decided to tell me how she was going to throw SIL a baby shower & give them £100 towards a cot. (As well as the bouncer chair & clothes she's already bought)

Lovely gesture.....yes, but I didn't get that.

My mother didn't even come to my baby shower, she decided to go on SILs hen night instead.

And as for the £100 I didn't get anything like that when I was PG with either of my DC. The most we got was a playgym lol!

I was miffed as to why my mother told me this as it's just ended up making me feel like poo & like my DC aren't as important.

AIBU to miffed?

YABU - This is now and that was in the past - if you were pregnant now and they weren't giving you money then YANBU but circumstances change.

YANBU

If I was you then I would tell my Mum all that and say how upset you feel - otherwise it will fester and maybe spoil your relationship with your new DN.

It certainly doesn't sound fair!

Is there a reason behind it? Does she come from the old school of favouring boys, you know, them being the heir and all that rubbish? Or maybe she can just afford it a bit more this time?

The other thing might be that she's trying to buy her way into their lives? If he's such a pain, maybe she thinks this is the only way she will have a chance to enjoy her grandchildren by him.

YANBU to feel miffed. I feel if you give to one, you should give to all. Try to ignore you mums gifts to bb. Honestly, it will only make you fester.

Tell her you are upset. i would (but i also think 'baby showers' are bonkers).

Yanbu, that is a disgrace, could you see yourself in years to come doing this to either of your dcs(who are absolutely gorgeous, had a sneaky peek at your profile)

I'd be miffed too, so I don't think YABU. Perhaps your mother is more flush at the moment than she was when you were expecting? (Devils' advocate - am trying to see what perspective she might be coming from).

It's horrible to feel that a parent treats one sibling better than the other.

How did your baby shower and her hen night come to end up being on the same day?

DS is only 5 months old so it's not like it was years ago.

DB has always been her favourite & this is somethig that me & all my other siblings notice, as does most of my other family - she doesn't hide the fact she favours him.

Just makes me sad that she doesn't treat my DC the same way.

YANBU. You could be me talking! My brother is certainly golden boy in my family and my parents would no doubt choose to go to my bitch of a SIL's do rather than mine. I'm trying very hard to not let it bother me too much.

LOL Wot we refer to my DB as the 'Golden Boy' too, well apart from DH who has dubbed him Golden Bollocks!

My mother seems to think SIL is the best thing since sliced bread - odd as she hated her at first!

Same here! Occassionally my mum rings me up to slag SIL off, but then the next day she is a goddess again. Ho hum.

Charming isn't it!

Bang don't really know tbh - my best friend threw mine & they ended up on the same date!

YANBU. She should've either given you the same amount or not said anything. Have you ever pointed out that you think your DB is treated differently?

Tidey have broached it before but it all blew up horribly.

I don't get why she told me tbh, what was the point?

I just could never treat my DC so differently, what one gets the other gets too.

My mother promised to buy my DD a cot (about £150) and then her partners son's girlfriend got pregnant at the same time so we got £75 each instead. Of course now mum is neither with the partner nor is the son with the girlfriend and I only got half a cot, can laugh about it now but it pissed me off at the time.

How many sibs/nieces/nephews do you have? Have any of them been offered anything?

Thinking about this I have come to the conclusion that mothers expect their daughters to bring the DGC home to them and be adored but shit themselves that the daughter in laws will run off with their sons and DGC and that's why they make a huge effort with the boys, it's the only logical explanation.

I really like my pil but they do favour dh's sister and her dc over ours and bil and his brood. She announced in the middle of December that she was emigrating the first week in January to Australia. Pil thought we should jump through hoops to go to Scotland (8hr journey) to say cheerio. Now pil are in the huff because we didn't, then sil swanned off to Austria skiing anyway.

YANBU.

Chance I have 6 siblings, all younger & no neices or nephews on my side only on DH's side.

YANBU I'd be livid.

My mother did, and still does favour my sisters little girl to my three sons and really grinds on me.

so what did you say to her?

i'd be inclined to pull her up on it. something along the lines of 'gosh, i hope they realize how lucky they are! we never got anything near to that!'

Warthog believe me I gave up a long time go trying to talk to my mother as it always ends up the same way - her making me feel like utter shite & apologising for something I haven't even done.