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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to invite children to a party just because DS was invited to theirs?

31 replies

mylifemykids · 19/01/2009 13:57

I really wont be offended with the replies to this but I'm a bit stuck with what to do!

DS is 4 in a few weeks. We can't afford a big softplay/hall with bouncy castle type party so are having one at home. This means we can only invite 8 or so children from his nursery class. I'm really torn as to whether to invite 2 children who invited DS to their parties - the reason being DS (and I) had no idea who these children were until we got to the party! The parties were big parties and I think most of the class were invited.

So, do I invite them or not? It would mean 2 of DS's friends he actually knows and plays with wont be able to come but is it just polite to invite the ones who invited him?!

Does that even make sense?!!

OP posts:
loobeylou · 19/01/2009 13:59

no, makes a mockery of the whole thing, invite who you like, or more precisely, who DS likes! My DS will be 4 in MArch and asked this morning if he can invite all his nursery teachers! Aw!

traceybath · 19/01/2009 14:00

As you're just doing a small home party i think its fine to invite the people you want too.

I personally think its only a bit off if you invite say 16 out of a class of 18 which you are not doing.

DrNortherner · 19/01/2009 14:01

Well personally, I always invite kids if ds has been to their party. Tis only polite imo.

loobeylou · 19/01/2009 14:02

PS the "pay off" for a party invitation is the persons company and a present not a return invitation from the guest IYSWIM

Pingping · 19/01/2009 14:03

I agree with LoobeyLou

catsmother · 19/01/2009 14:03

I'd say invite who you want, and whose prescence will mean the most to your son.

Most people who organise a party for their kids look upon it as a hopefully fun thing on the day, and not with a view to getting invites back ..... if they do, it's a nice bonus, but most understand that many people have space and money restrictions.

loobeylou · 19/01/2009 14:03

some kids can afford to invite the whole class every time tho DrN, others can't and have siblings/cousins/out of school best friends to invite first

islandofsodor · 19/01/2009 14:03

YANBU. Some people have class parties, some people have smaller ones with restricted numbers.

Your child should choose their closest friends according to how many you can accomodate.

funnypeculiar · 19/01/2009 14:04

DS has a small at home party this year, which means he isn't inviting some children who have invited him (along with the whole class). Acceptable, imo (although I have to admit to feeling bad) - totally different to excluding a couple of kids when having a big party.

cory · 19/01/2009 14:05

I don't think you have to invite the whole class if you can't afford to/haven't got the space. As far as I am concerned, you "pay" for the invitation by bringing a present. We've always done small parties.

choccynutter · 19/01/2009 14:07

invite who you and ds want their not some kids you don't really know

purpleduck · 19/01/2009 14:13

If those children invited everyone, and DON'T play with your child, then by all means, don't invite.

If your child DOES play with them (i seem to remember that it changes nearly daily at that age), and their party WASN'T the whole class, then I would be inclined to invite them - I am of the "more's the merrier" opinion though.

RubyRioja · 19/01/2009 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 19/01/2009 14:16

Gosh yes - only invite who you want to otherwise you'll never get the kind of party you'd like to have - you'd be forever condemned to huge soft plays etc. I could never have fitted 30 kids into my little house in the middle of winter! and dd would have hated it.

ipanemagirl · 19/01/2009 14:19

I think you have to invite the genuine friends when it's a small number. I've had big hall parties and don't mind when ds isn't invited to smaller ones. I've just had a smaller one and was tortured by who to include and who to leave out. It's really hard. But if you stick to the real friends that's best imo.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 19/01/2009 14:23

Invite those who your ds is closest to.

Maybe send in something to school on or near ds' birthday for the whole class to share in a treat - if that is allowed.

My ds can't eat cake so I send in a small packet of chocolate buttons for everyone but if I could (and I was able to bake without burning down the house ) I would send homemade cupcakes or biscuits.

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/01/2009 14:30

I think purpleduck is right - the more the merrier - especially as it's only 2 more children. If it meant doubling the number of children coming, I might have second thoughts, but 10 isn't an unreasonable number to have (and that's if they all turn up, after all).

Original poster
mylifemykids · 19/01/2009 14:38

I agree that 10 isn't an unreasonable number but I'm also thinking the parents wont want to leave their children with someone they only really know from nursery (ie. ME!) so I'm going to have hte parents here too (or at least some of them I'm guessing). My house isn't that big unfortunately

OP posts:
ThePellyandMe · 19/01/2009 14:45

I would just invite the children your ds wants to be there. Thats what we did for DS1's 6th birthday, I think we had 8 and baked some cookies for the whole class.

Clarissimo · 19/01/2009 14:48

I think invites to whole class partiess can be discounted.

If your child was one invited to a small party then I'd invite them. have done so today, in fact.

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/01/2009 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/01/2009 14:49

That is a good point, mylifemykids - my ds's are so much older than yours that I'd forgotten that aspect. Call it a senior moment!

One thought - if they invited all the children from nursery to their childrens' parties, then their children are going to get plenty of invites in return, and are unlikely to notice those who don't invite their dc's - and it's unlikely you'll be the only parent making this decision.

Bottom line - do what makes your dc happy and keeps the occasion as stress-free as possible for you - and if that means ignoring my sage advice.....

NewAmazingBeginning · 19/01/2009 14:49

Invite the children he knows and wants to play with.

Lotster · 19/01/2009 14:54

Agree with inviting the children he knows and wants to play with.

I once read that one guest for each year of their life is a good way to go. Less stress for you, and him.

naturalbornmum · 19/01/2009 14:56

Just invite who Ds actually wants.