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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for being V angry with FIL for purposly stopping DS from having his lunch?

31 replies

Cheekster · 18/01/2009 22:56

DS is 6 months, he has always been faddy.He takes his bottle, pureed food fine when at home with me and dh but if anyone speaks to him, distracts him or tries to play with him he refuses to eat or take his bottle. FIL knows this!

BUT, that didnt stop him today from pinching his toes, tickling him, chatting away to him and the rest while I was trying to feed him.
MIL told him to stop, DH made a comment in a joking way to DS something like 'Stop looking at your Grandad' but still he would not stop!

I didnt say anything because I knew if I did I would have exploded as Ive already spoke him previously for this. I explained before how he wont take his bottle unless he can relax and is not distracted. I also told him that health visitors have been worried on 2 occasions for his weight gain being poor and he has had to be monitored so dont want that to happen again. But obviously it didnt sink in.

So anyway, it resulted in us having to come home from their house with a screaming hungry baby and feed him at home. I am so cross about it but DH doesnt seem bothered, says Im over reacting and in future we wont go to their house when he needs feeding. This seems crazy to me!

AIBU, or too pfb?

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 18/01/2009 22:57

too pfb

edam · 18/01/2009 23:00

Um, somewhere in the middle? Dh's plan looks like a good idea to me.

Do you think grandad is just so taken with his gorgeous lovely scrummy grandson that he can't stop himself, by any chance? I can see how intensely irritating it must be, especially as you are in that lioness phase where no-one must do anything that goes anywhere near upsetting your baby.

beanieb · 18/01/2009 23:00

Yes, too pfb. Maybe you need to stop worrying about the silly weight charts a bit, though I can understand why it might worry you with a first baby.

violethill · 18/01/2009 23:01

Your DH's solution sounds sensible to me.

If you are seriously concerned about weight gain, and you have a faddy baby who will actually refuse to eat with any distractions around, and then scream with hunger, then I think you're making a rod for your own back by taking him out at meal times.

Grandparents are supposed to play with and interact with their grandchildren.

Your FIL hasn't done anything wrong - but your relationship with him could go tits up if you carry on making him feel like he has.

mumeeee · 18/01/2009 23:01

too pfb. Just do as DH says and feed him at home.

moondog · 18/01/2009 23:02

Oh FGS
I've heard it all now.

hester · 18/01/2009 23:02

Breathe deeply. I do understanding why it's a big deal for you; it's not for your FIL. Yes, he 'knows' your ds is faddy, but he's probably forgotten and he certainly won't be appreciating the implications of this or sharing your level of worry about your ds' weight issues. The sad truth is that people who don't share the consequences will always be more blase about the problems they are creating: my 3-year-old dd's dad (who is not with me) still doesn't see any problem with letting her nap between 5 and 7. Of course he doesn't: he's not the one who's then trying to get her to sleep again at 8, 9, 10 o'clock.

I wouldn't go so far as to say YABU, but I think for the sake of your own blood pressure you should just try to move on. Your dh is right: avoid the in-laws at lunchtime, at least until ds is feeding well.

Original poster
Cheekster · 18/01/2009 23:02

Not easy though, when you dont live too close, would have to time it right and not stay too long, or feed him in the car

OP posts:
PoloPlayingMummy · 18/01/2009 23:03

I think it's somewhere down the middle - your DH's plan sounds spot-on but your DS will have to get used to distractions at meal times eventually.

Plonker · 18/01/2009 23:03

A little pfb IMHO, although I can see why its annoyed you. Thats said, I know that my FIL would react in the exact same way as yours (as would my dad) and my dh would have reacted the same way as your dh. Men eh? Or maybe us mums have a tendancy to over-react

If he's so easily distracted couldn't you have taken him into another room to feed him?

BexieID · 18/01/2009 23:03

My parents do this too. We only see them 3 or 4 times a year and it's hard to keep them up to date on Toms 'little ways'. You have to vacate the room for him to eat his breakfast! And at other meal times, if you look at him the wrong way, he goes into a 'hissy fit'. Even me and DP get it wrong, and I know it must be hard for my parents and the PIL!

GrimbleTheResourceful · 18/01/2009 23:03

"....pinching his toes, tickling him, chatting away to him...."

He just loves him, he didn't get it about the feeding, didn't mean any harm. Your DS won't starve if this happens every now and again. (I do understand the anxiety though, having a toddler myself who's a very reluctant eater).

Original poster
Cheekster · 18/01/2009 23:11

Shit! Why AI ALWAYS BU?

I was sure when I posted this everyone would pity me and say FIL was being totally unreasonable.

I think I'll try going into another room next time and say something on the lines of 'Im just going to feed him in the dining room because he wont eat around others.'

OP posts:
moondog · 18/01/2009 23:13

Blimey Cheekster.The first MNer ever who hasn't flown into a rage when someone suggests yuo are BU.
I'm staggered.
What a woman!!!

hester · 18/01/2009 23:14

I DO pity you! I'm on your side! That's why I want you to take a deep breath, pour yourself a glass of wine, and forget about it

Original poster
Cheekster · 18/01/2009 23:21

Well thanks for that moondog, at least thats made me feel better.

Glad youre on my side hester

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheekster · 18/01/2009 23:22

Ran out of wine tho

OP posts:
Kbear · 18/01/2009 23:26

Next time why not let FIL feed him then he chat to him while he's eating, feel like he's being involved and you get to have a cup of tea and let them get on with it?

Kbear · 18/01/2009 23:26

ie, he can't tickle his toes whiles he's holding a spoon and a bowl!

Original poster
Cheekster · 18/01/2009 23:29

Like that idea Kbear, sitting back with a cup of tea watching him have a go at it, he may realise it aint all that easy, not with ds anyway.

But picky little DS will only let me or DH feed him!

OP posts:
Kbear · 18/01/2009 23:31

Is that because you don't let anyone else feed him though? If he's hungry he will let anyone feed him - let the ILs get involved.

Original poster
Cheekster · 18/01/2009 23:38

Yes, I admit it is my fault that he wont let anyone feed him, when he was newborn I wouldnt let anyone feed him - probably because I felt a failure in not being able to bf. Then when it got too much when he was a few weeks old I relented and let DH feed him, but no one else. Well this has gone on for months now and trust me no matter how hungry he will only take it from me or DH.

Still working on this though, he will take finger foods from others so hopefully Im getting there

OP posts:
ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 19/01/2009 00:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

souperdahrlink · 19/01/2009 12:17

I'd try not to worry about it too much. Babies change so fast, in a couple of months he may be a completely different beast when it comes to feeding and it won't be a problem any more. In the mean time an occasional disturbed meal needn't be such a big deal. In future though I'd make a point of taking him somewhere quiet saying loudly about needing to not be distracted from his food. Hopefully he'll get the hint.

angel1976 · 19/01/2009 12:44

Try telling yourself that your DS won't starve from one day of not eating... My DS is almost 11 months old and I still worry about him. At my inlaws' place, everything goes t* up cos they want to do things their way, feed him whatever they want to feed him etc... I take a deep breath and try and tell myself that 2/3/4 days of not eating much will not kill DS. It's worked so far! At 6 months, he doesn't need the solids as such so try to see that as a bit of fun. If possible, give your inlaws finger food-type lunch to feed DS to avoid the whole feeding drama... I used to get so stressed out at my FIL giving my DS a bottle. He just couldn't get a hang of the Tommy Tippee bottles and hold it the wrong way so the milk would be pouring down DS through the 'air vent'. Now I think back and I do feel slightly embarrassed to have been so PFB about it! It's not easy though and I empathise... We have to take DS to see his great-grandad this weekend (he's dying...) and it's 2.5 hours drive up north and it's not going to be fun whichever way you look at it as DS doesn't sleep much in the car and he's a baby who needs his sleep (can you tell my DS is PFB as well?!!!)...