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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling extremely down and anxious and worried that I have just found out I am expecting my 3rd!!!

49 replies

Sails · 16/01/2009 21:01

Its due 19/09. Total shock definately not planned. My 2 boys will be 4 (just not yet at school) and 22 months. DH works long hours so as it is at the moment I often have to but the boys to bed on my own! How will I cope with 3? Also ds2 was born with hereditary condition ( now absolutely fine) but he was born ill and spent the 1st 2 weeks in hospital and had to have an operation in a hospital about 70 miles away. What if this one has it? Scared and verydown and tearful atm

OP posts:
ExtraFancy · 16/01/2009 21:09

Oh sweetie, no advice to offer but I didn't want to read and not post. How do you feel about it? Is the condition something that can be screened for, so you could know in advance if hosp treatment would be needed? Is there a chance your DH might be able to cut his hours back if you did have another baby?

Sending you a big un-Mumsnetty

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 16/01/2009 21:10

Sails you will cope but YANBU to be worried, things will work out.

My mum assures me that the jump from 2 -3 ws much easier than 1-2 (she better be right no 3 is due in june and with similar age gaps.

As for the heriditary condition there is no easy way to prepare for this, it is the last thing you want (I've been there too) but you could waste valuable energy worrying unnecessarily between now and then.

Sit down have a "nice cup of tea" and relax talk to your dh and see what kind of family friend support you can getand if that's not good enough think about amothers help....

BarcodeZebra · 16/01/2009 21:11

Gah! I feel for you. But I bet whoever you get will be wonderful.

Hope you feel more up for it soon. Tricky times...

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 16/01/2009 21:13

Just had a thought would they be able to test in utero for the condition.... we were able to have cvs for this pregnancy and so know that LO is a carrier but nothing else...

alicet · 16/01/2009 21:15

Getting pregnant just now would be my worst nightmare (ds1 nearly 3 and ds2 15 months) so I understand where you are coming from and I don't even have the hereditary condition to worry about...

Again no advice but sending you big hugs and the congratulations you will be more than happy to accept in a few weeks when the shock has settled... And I bet you will not imagine how you oculd have been without him / her in a year's time!

When my 2 were little I roped in a friend to help with bath and bed when my dh was workign away. Is there any friends / family you can ask to help like this too?

PoloPlayingMummy · 16/01/2009 21:18

YANBU at all but you will cope

kitkat9 · 16/01/2009 21:18

don't panic! I was in your position last April - ds2 now sleeping beside me...he was not planned either, and I won't lie, it's hard going, but it is do-able. I promise. Sorry, I have no advice on the hereditary condition but I assume you will be able to talk through your options with your midwife? Are there prenatal tests that can be done?

Remind yourself how much you love your dc's - you will love dc3 just as much, and it's that love for them that gets you through the hard times. Because no matter how tired and fed up you get, there are little moments every day that make you smile.

When I first found out I was pg with dc3 I cried loads, I couldn't cope with it, the idea of going through the newborn thing again horrified me but I muddled through and got there in the end - and you will too!

Congratualtions!

noonki · 16/01/2009 21:19

Does it help to say a bit of me is very jealous.

I am gagging for a third - my two are a similar age to years but a little younger.

it will be difficult for a while. But imagine all the extra cuddles and love and .....

Once the baby is a bit older you are up at 7 anyway. The 4 year old will be dressing hteme=sekves, the toddler will be like the 4 year old and you will have a snuggly baby.

My DH works most evenings so I understand the fun of bedtime!

See if you can get some help in such as a cleaner/childminder for the first few weeks. Let it be known that you dont want any pressies for the baby but a £5 towards a cleaner would be most welcome. (we got 'tokens for a childminder' from our family)

naturalbornmum · 16/01/2009 21:19

YANBU. But as has been said you will cope - we do because we have to.

naturalbornmum · 16/01/2009 21:19

YANBU. But as has been said you will cope - we do because we have to.

Original poster
Sails · 16/01/2009 21:19

Yes they can screen for it but it was not diagnosed until ds2 was 2 days old and by then he had become a very sick little boy indeed. This time things will be different in that respect as they will know to look out for it. However they don't do neonatal surgery locally so s/he will still have to go to Leicester as before. THanks everybody for your kind words!!

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 16/01/2009 21:20

oh my third pregnancy was hard, but once I had her (was DD3), she fitted in like a dream.

in fact, would have been nice to have had DD3 when I had DS1 and DS2 she was that much of a dream........like many DC3's in fact.

congratulation....it will be fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine

Original poster
Sails · 16/01/2009 21:22

Good advice re cleaner or mother help etc but can't possibly imagine being able to afford it for long though!

OP posts:
Lilyloo · 16/01/2009 21:24

Sails give yourself time to get over the shock!
Mine will be 1 on Sunday , i had my complete family of 2 before dd2 came along and she is a joy !

You will cope x

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 16/01/2009 21:25

If they can screen then you can plan and that gives you sooooooo much more control, I just remember not feeling in control of anything and not knowing what was coming next.

Good luck there's lots of us in the same postion on here.

FWIW when mums of one ask how I cope with 2 I just say my standards aren't what they were and I guess that's how i'm going to cope again, they've just got less to fall this time!!!

lalalonglegs · 16/01/2009 21:27

Welcome to the three club. That's exactly the same gaps as my children. Mine were all planned so I know it is different for me but it's brilliant to have that sort of range of ages between them - they will all have a far better chance of getting along and the difference between a 13 month old and a 22 month old is staggering: your ds2 will seem such a big boy and so independent by the time the new baby comes along.

You sound anxious about how you will cope but haven't mentioned that money will be an issue so buy in as much help as you can - if you can afford a nanny or an au pair to start coming to the house a few weeks before the birth to take the boys out a couple of afternoons a week and if you can enrol both ds in a pre-school facility to start in September (before the birth so they don't feel pushed out), you will find life far breezier. It will be fine and you will think that life was so dull before you had three .

psychomum5 · 16/01/2009 21:28

I will just add that my DD2 had an immune deficiancy, and then DD3 was born with chicken pox which gave her a different immune deficiancy, which meant lots of hospital visits and also transfers to a hospital 30miles away. (and at that point DH worked in manchester.....we live in bournemouth!)

yes, it was hard, but also......I would not swap or change what I went thru.....it has made my family what it is, and it is (mostly) fab.

I know that you are looking forward to the unknown, and therefore are scared, but whatever happens will happen, and you will cope. even if you think you won,t!

macherie · 16/01/2009 21:29

Congratulations!

I got pregnant with my third at the worst imaginable time, I just couldn't believe it, it took me a long time to come to terms with the pregnancy.

She is 4 now, and is the joy of all our lives. At bedtime tonight she and her two brothers were having a tickling competition on our bed, and I thought how incredibly lucky they are to have each other (I am an only child, and would give my right arm to have siblings!).

It is hard in the beginning but you get through it, and the rewards are immesurable.

duchesse · 16/01/2009 21:31

It seems bad right now, but you will cope and you will love this baby and handle anything it throws at you. Plus the children will be close together in age, which will be lovely for them. I had 3 in 4 years, and yes, it was hard work, but have never regretted it.

schprooz · 16/01/2009 21:35

This is exactly what happened to me, and it took me until ds3 turned 1yo to come to terms and love him. I wish I'd got counselling - the pregnancy and 1st year are like a black hole in my life, though now everything is great at home. I really recommend you talk about how you feel with a real life professional rather than pretending you're OK because you feel like a bad mum for saying you're not.

sleepycat · 16/01/2009 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sails · 16/01/2009 22:09

Oh and my sil is getting married on 26th Sept 100 miles away in Yorkshire. Looks like we'll be missing that then!

OP posts:
mumeeee · 16/01/2009 22:31

Congratulations. You will be able to cope with 3

Lilyloo · 16/01/2009 22:34

Sails why would you have to miss that ?

Original poster
Sails · 17/01/2009 20:22

I suppose it would depend when the baby was born if it was early or late iyswim. Anyway thats the least of my worrys really. Still don't feel any better today. We have a small house and no way could we afford to move. I just can't even beaar to think about it at the moment.

OP posts: