To be feeling extremely down and anxious and worried that I have just found out I am expecting my 3rd!!!

[Sails]

Its due 19/09. Total shock definately not planned. My 2 boys will be 4 (just not yet at school) and 22 months. DH works long hours so as it is at the moment I often have to but the boys to bed on my own! How will I cope with 3? Also ds2 was born with hereditary condition ( now absolutely fine) but he was born ill and spent the 1st 2 weeks in hospital and had to have an operation in a hospital about 70 miles away. What if this one has it? Scared and verydown and tearful atm

Hey, you do know you dont have to keep it?

Dont feel that you have to, you may end up resenting your life.

YES I DO!!! No way would I even consider getting rid of this baby I just could not do that! It isn't this babys fault that this baby was unplanned and yes tbh at the moment unwanted. It is a precious life and became a life the moment it was conceived imo. I will cope because I will have to but not for a moment have I even considered another option.

I felt the same when I realised I was pregnant with my third. Ds1 was 5 and ds2 was 2 when dd was born and we were just beginning to realise ds1 is autistic when I was pregnant. To be honest a lot of the things I stressed about before she was born weren't that big a problem when it actually came to it. Try not to worry about the health issues as you just don't know what will happen, plus the docs will be aware this time. If it helps, mine are now 8,5 and 3 and it is relatively easy!

Thanks! Am begining to accept that it maybe isn't the end of the world that I first saw it as. Thinking of selling our car though. Family we bought it from had their 6th about 7 months ago!

PG no.3 was a total [unplanned] shock for us. DP nearly had a breakdown, was off work for weeks. I felt awful and for a few seconds considered termination. Change came for me when I had a bleed at 8 weeks. Suddenly realised this was my baby and I wanted it and bonded. There were many ups and downs afterwards-High chance of Downs and CVS, we had to put 9yr old in tiny boxroom [not permanently, just as her bedroom but as others have said we have coped and she is gorgeous now and we wouldn't be without her.

I'd sell the car...just to be on the safe side. Three is one thing...

seuss!

We'd just bought a very small car when I realised no.3 was on the way - think maybe it was tempting fate?

Congratulations!

YANBU - I'd be shitting myself too but you'll be fine, once you've got over the shock.

Mind if an old bird jumps in? Mine are 16,13 and 12 . Only 22 months between 2 and 3. I don't think I know anyone who planned no.3 and most people I know have 3 kids. It will be fine but it is a really big shock...I wouldn't be without my 3 and 3 does make for a fun life! Just off to get DS 1 from girlfriend's house.. (Large glass of wine only 10 mins away)

Congratulations. My ds's have the same age gap - 4yrs and a couple of days and nearly 22months. I did find it hard work but it is great to have them close together. They fight like hell BUT are such a close knit unit it is fab to see. You'll manage - we just do, don't we!

Oh and DD2 and 3 born on 9th and 25th Sept, two years apart!

Told my parents and my inlaws today. My mum had guessed. Dad was shocked to say the least. When I said it wasn't planned he basically told me off saying I should have been more careful and made me feel like a young teenager not a 35 year old woman married for over 10 years! He said it was something I could have done without I said I know and started crying again!! Inlaws also shocked but said they can hardly talk as they had 3 under 4 at one point(sadly her 3rd died of a cot death.) She said really regrets telling everyone when pregnant with her 3rd that it was unplanned especially after what subsequently happenend. Anyway begining to accept the situation now. I guess its the sheer hard work that worrys me especially as dh works such long hours.

I'm not going to pretend, the first few months are very hard but, given your eldest ds's age, I'm guessing he will start school after Christmas, it may be possible to get your other son into some sort of playschool for a few hours a day and you will feel so much more in control. My 3rd dc is 9 months now and already the whole, draining juggle of the early months seem a long way behind us. You will be fine once you get used to the idea, begin to work out the logistics and start to look forward to it. Best of luck.

I'm not going to pretend, the first few months are very hard but, given your eldest ds's age, I'm guessing he will start school after Christmas, it may be possible to get your other son into some sort of playschool for a few hours a day and you will feel so much more in control. My 3rd dc is 9 months now and already the whole, draining juggle of the early months seem a long way behind us. You will be fine once you get used to the idea, begin to work out the logistics and start to look forward to it. Best of luck.

No ds1 won't be starting school until the following september. However he is at preschool. DS2 a bit young for preschool I think.

I've got bigger gaps than you (DS1 was 5.5 when my DC3 arrived and DD was 2.9) and my DC3 was planned. I found having my 3rd an absolute joy! I have tried to savour every moment as he more than likely will be my last, even the early stages which everyone seems to hate. I am a cup half full person but, really, it goes so fast that you (I) have to enjoy each stage/phase for what it is.

You will find a way. Take no notice of your dad. Mine's the same and i'm 47!! Use all the help you can get. The best thing a friend of mine did when No 3 was born was to take and pick up eldest from pre-school for the first half term. It meant I didn't have to get out. Think of practical solutions and don't be afraid to take people up on their offers. You will be able to repay them in the future. And honestly a 3rd costs no more once you have the car in place. Get your dad to help! Big hugsxx

Sails- hope it's sinking in abit more now, sorry about your dad's response none of mine were "planned" in the convention sense, we kind of went Oh it'll be ok and a month later we found out it wasn't ( I guess by the third time we really should have known better) Dh is off the the vets as soon as I'm well again ( hyperemersis)

I will have 3 under 4 initally (for 2 months) dd1 will be 4 in Aug and dc3 is due in june there will be 23 months between 1 & 2 and 23 months between 2 & 3, Thinking of you....and don't write the wedding off just yet nothings impossible!!!

When DD3 was born 6 months ago DD1 was 5 days away from being 4 and DD2 2 1/2 so 3 in 4 years practically exactly, my DP also works long hours and I have no family help.

Won't say it's not hard and most days I only sit down to feed DD3 but I wouldn't change it for the world, DD3 is the sweetest baby ever, adored by all around her.

My DD3 was totally planned (also had a mc a month before so made her extra special) family were shocked that as I think they thought the one I lost was an accident so why was I having another and was I allowed to have another so soon after a mc, my Mother even told me it was probably for the best I lost it and no one has 3 these days and I was mad. She has seen DD3 twice since she was born.

I had a hard pregnancy with SPD and no help but DD1 was in nursery 5 mornings a week and DD2 3 so that helps a bit, lower your standards around the house and savour every minute of that newborn-ness, you will cope fine.

Sails, our #3 was a shock, I wasnt planning to have any more and it took a bit of getting used to. My first reaction was to cry. Dh always at work so I knoew I'd be doing everything without any help and it really worried me. God, how I love her though. She is perfect, brilliant, everything you could want. I am so ridiculously pleased that I accidentally got pregnant, I wouldnt have planned it but it has worked out to be bloody fantastic. Lucky you!

Sails - happened to me too, gap of 3 1/4 years then 19 months! It was hard and I had to borrow a friend's teenage daughter to walk colicky baby round garden while I fed the others as DH either home late or abroad! But after the first few months he was very much easier, probably benefited from having to get out of the house for school runs etc and 2 and 3's closeness in age was fantastic as they have always been able to play together which was good as 1 is ASD. Couldn't imagine life without my little accident (and had huge guilt/worry throughout my pregnancy as I had had an x ray for back pain even though I couldn't give a last period date as I had just stopped breastfeeding - didn't think I was pregnant.

I'm the middle of three girls (none of my own yet) and my little sister was an accident. There wasn't the problem of having several little ones as my sister and I were 8 and 6 when she was born. However, my parents were absolutely sure they'd had all their children, and my mum came as close as is possible to having a termination, but obviously didn't go through with it. My mum was a student, while my dad was a SAHD after being made redundant, so we were very poor, but had a plan all in place to make things better.

In all honestly, my sister ruined all that by being born. But do you know what? They coped. We were poor, but my older sister and I absolutely adored the baby and it was fun being in a boisterous, largish family.

The baby is now a gorgeous, very clever, and absolutely lovely teenager and none of us could imagine life without her.

Sails, I was in almost exactly the same situation as you (child number 3 now almost 2). All I could think was, I will never have a tidy house, I will never be able to cook a meal, how will I manage bed time, the school run, we will always need a bigger house, car etc. And do you know what? None of that matters at all. It has sometimes been hard and often chaotic, but he's a joy, he adores me, he's added so much love to our house, and I now feel so lucky to have had that extra baby time. I would even consider a fourth if we could afford it.

And it sounds like you are coming to terms with it already if you've told people- everyone guessed with me before I told them because I was so much in denial.