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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say to my kid" if you can't do your homework then take it back in UNDONE"

156 replies

AugustusGloop · 16/01/2009 16:44

rather than me trying to explain it?
Because that is what I ( very rarely) do.

Primary.

OP posts:
cornsilk · 16/01/2009 16:46

No you are not.

Original poster
AugustusGloop · 16/01/2009 16:46

I FANKYOU

OP posts:
giraffescantdancethetango · 16/01/2009 16:46

YAnbu home work is supposed to be a recap of class work to consolidate the learning, not for the parents to teach something new.

Tamarto · 16/01/2009 16:47

I do that but usually it's because i know he can do it, but can't be bothered.

If i genuinly think he has no idea i'll try and explain it, if he doesn't understand then back it goes undone.

southeastastra · 16/01/2009 16:49

we try to explain it, then end up pulling out our hair. but never send it in undone.

maybe we should

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 16/01/2009 16:50

yes and no. (cor that fence is rubbing my piles )

Yes because it's better to support them in learning by helping them to understand things. Otherwise it gives the impression you're not interested.

No because you say rarely, so I suppose it's not such a big deal - it's not like you never help out or participate in his education, is it? You mostly do. So as long as it doesn't come across like you can't be bothered to help him, I don't suppose once in a while hurts.

It would be good to let the teacher know he's struggling though.

Buda · 16/01/2009 16:50

I do this. I write a note to say that he didn't understand what to do. I think it makes sense as then the teacher knows he doesn't know it rather than seeing completed homework and thinking it.

My other argument is that I am not paid to teach him!

Niftyblue · 16/01/2009 16:52

southeastastra
thats what we do

but after reading this think we will send it back not done otherwise the teacher will think they have grasped it

juuule · 16/01/2009 16:55

If they are keen to get the homework done then I do help them.
If they don't understand then I put a note in
to that effect.

cory · 16/01/2009 16:57

I may not be paid to teach them, but I do anyway, can't help it, it's in my blood. IF they haven't grasped it then I try to explain it in a clearer way so that they do grasp it. This is not the same as doing the homework for them.

Ingles2 · 16/01/2009 17:02

I'll sit on the fence with Hecate if that's ok
if homework is not done here, they get detention and as ds1 is seriously anxious I think it would just make things worse.
I have told his teacher he needs a lot of support with homework though
If I had a dc who couldn't be bothered though I would send it back undone.

juuule · 16/01/2009 17:03

Tbh 'not paid to teach them' doesn't wash.
Surely part of being a parent is to teach your children things.

brightonlad · 16/01/2009 17:05

Saying that a school is solely responsible for your child's education is rarely going to end well. If you don't support your child with their homework will you do so with coursework? Will they carry your attitude forward and refuse to engage in any learning that isn't spoon fed? The government can do what they like to improve access to higher education but if kids expect to sit down and have knowledge poured in, and parents undermine teachers efforts by condoning homework dodging there is only so much they can do.

blueshoes · 16/01/2009 17:08

If you know the answer and can explain, why wouldn't you?

I would. But if dc still did not understand, then I would send it in done or undone, depending on where dc got to, with a note for the teacher that dc did not get it.

rachels103 · 16/01/2009 17:09

YANBU. They should have more than one night to complete it so get them to look at it before it's due, then they'll have time to take it back and ask the teacher for further explanation. As a teacher I would much prefer this especially with maths, as parents often explain concepts differently from how we now teach them and this can confuse matters further.
Homework does consolidate what has been learnt in class but for some children once they are outside of the class room without explanation directly before they start a task, they can forget what they need to do without a prompt.
Either that or the teacher is setting homework that is too difficult - if your child regularly seems unsure it might be worth popping in to see the teacher about it.

Buda · 16/01/2009 17:16

I am not paid to teach my DS. His teachers are. I am his mother and I will support the teachers in any way I can. But I can not and will not teach him maths. For one it is done completely differently to how it was done 'in my day' and for two - he won't listen to me and we end up fighting. So I write a note to the teacher to explain. That is not to say that I don't sit down with him and try to help a little and encourage him - of course I do. But I will not actually teach him a concept that he just does not get.

I support the teachers in many other ways. I support my son in many other ways. But I am not a teacher. I encourage him with reading and spelling and other activites. I play games with him that help with his school work.

I also won't 'do' projects for him. I will make suggestions etc but he will normally go his own way - which is usually the easiest/laziest/path of least resistance but I will not make him do otherwise. His teachers need to know that aspect of his personality.

Nantucket · 16/01/2009 17:20

We have sent it back not done once, becuase DS was refusing to do it and making such a fuss about it.

He was mortified and now does it (still reluctantly).

I'd always help wth homework though. DS's always need a bit of help or guidance.

I hate homework though. Really ahte it for primary children.

Oi, teacher leave those kids alone.

Leo9 · 16/01/2009 17:24

do you mean you not trying to explain to the teacher why it's not done?

Or you not explaining to your child so that they can do the work?

If the former then I guess YANBU although in primary I would expect to have a full, hands on role in helping with homework so that it did get done.

If the latter YABU, it's our job as parents to explain things to our children and help them learn.

BabyStarlightsMum · 16/01/2009 17:28

No, but personally I'd just do it yourself. Family time is too precious to be spent doing homework at that age. If the teachers can't teach the kids what they need to know in school hours that is there problem.

A little bit of practice of rules etc on the way home is okay though, but don't let school eat into proper learning at home.

pointydog · 16/01/2009 17:34

Just write a note in the h/w jotter explaining why is hasn't been done. Simple as that.

loobeylou · 16/01/2009 18:02

I cannot believe all the negativity about not wanting to help your own kids succeed. Don't put yourself down saying "but I am not a teacher" - surely we all taught our kids so much BEFORE the teachers got their chance, why stop? Maybe, just MAYBE, there is something you can explain better than the teacher, one-to-one, esp if they are an NQT/nervous - you have the opportunity to tackle it in a more round about way bringing in a hobby or interest of your childs, eg make it about buying footie stickers instead of apples and bananas, so they are focussed and FINALLY understand what the teacher has been trying to teach them - after all you have the advantage of not having 30 kids making noise/demanding your attention.

Many schools run maths courses for parents, "refreshers" if you like, so they ARE equipped to help their kids with the way it is done thesedays. If yours doesn't, ask them to! Ours also has a homework club which many parents like as it means 2 teachers get to supervise the homework and are there to explain everything.

FWIW most primary school teachers are ANTI homework (except reading, spelling and tables of course) BUT while it is compulsary lets SUPPORT the teachers AND OUR KIDS. One thing's for sure, if parents do not value their kids ongoing education, the kids will soon not give a toss themselves.

OP, sending homework back undone actually HELPS the teacher know who still needs more time on the topic or perhaps one-to-one support.

It is NOT about "if they can't teach them what they need to know in the time they have its tough" Better to let them know your kid is struggling than do it for them like some parents do!

Oh and finally, if you feel the issue is that the teacher is not bothering to set differentiated homework to suit the childs ability, complain, because they should.

purpleduck · 16/01/2009 18:26

I would totally help my children, and I do. I don't DO it, but I will help them understand it. My dcs school do a feedback form with the homework, and if there are major issues, we say so.

Everyone is different, and sometimes its helpful to have something explained in a slightly different way.

I DO teach my kids how to do math "the way I was taught" as well - i think its useful to know different ways of doing things.

BabyStarlightsMum · 16/01/2009 18:33

Loobey I understand your points. I do. But in MY and THEIR time I want to do fun activities and play with them. I don't want to waste our lives together doing fecking boring homework.

IF it is particularly interesting, and IF my child WANTS to do it then that is a different matter altogether.

I have nothing against teachers. I think they have a very difficult job juggling demands from a million sources whilst being blamed for the demise of society. They can't do anything right I know. BUT school is only compulsory during certain hours and outside of those my child is not doing school work.

constancereader · 16/01/2009 18:34

Lots of teachers only set homework because parents demand it. I did.

juuule · 16/01/2009 18:41

Like BabyStarlightsmum, I would only help with homework if my child wanted to do it and wanted help.

I'm not in favour of homework at primary school so wouldn't push for it to be done. Fortunately, homework from my child's primary isn't usually a great deal until y6 sats. But I have told them not to take it too seriously(fallen on deaf ears a lot of the time as the teachers keep saying how important it is).