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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think this is totally unforgivable...and I mean forever? This is really long - sorry!

38 replies

AliBean · 14/01/2009 15:56

My DP's youngest sister and family came to stay for New Year. They live in up North and we now live in Cornwall having moved in November. He has never really been close with either of his sisters esp during his previous marriage as ex-wife hated them both and refused to spend time with them, When they split and we met, he told me he wanted to see more of them and make up for all the years of not seeing them. So I have always made an effort with both sisters and their families - we have had them to stay at our home on a number of occassions and I always push the boat out with special food and drinks etc.
Anyway we invited youngest sis and her DH and DC's plus eldest DD's boyfriend to come for New Year. Along with DP's 2 sons from previous marriage.
I discovered I was pregnant the morning before they arrived and DP and I decided not to tell them until he could tell his two sons.
Anyway they all came and my SIL and her family behaved appallingly from the moment they arrived. Smoking all over my house despite being asked to keep it in the kitchen, making a horrendous mess, not offering to help with anything kitchen-wise and generally getting drunk and rowdy. They came basically empty-handed apart from 3 cases of lager, a bottle of vodka (for SIL) and two bottles of rose (for their eldest DD - 16) and nothing at all for us (we prefer red wine or ale...not that I was drinking anything, but they didn't know).
Anyway they carried on until the early hours of the 30th and I gave in and went to bed before they did.
The next day I cooked a full breakfast for 9 people and cleaned up after it while they all sat around. We took them to our nearest town and they couldn't be bothered to walk around or on the beach with our dog so high-tailed it to the pub. When I went to find them after walking the dog with DSS's and DP, they were being really rowdy again and landlord asked us to take them home!!
We had a really subdued NYE as they were all hungover and tired from night before so weren't drinking and we were all in bed by 1am. New Years Day - I cooked breakfast again for everyone and then DP suggested we go for a walk and then to another pub for lunch. When we got to the pub and went off down the lane they all decided they didn't want a walk and would wait in the pub for us. We have a springer spaniel so she really does need a walk a day...so off we went - DP, Me and the boys. 45 mins later we returned and they had left with no note on the car or a text. The boys were delighted and begged to have lunch without them. So we did and DP took this opportunity to tell them about new baby. Eldest was totally fine but youngest was a bit upset (was ok later though) We went to find the others after lunch and they had been back to the pub from the day before and I assume had a fair amount to drink.
When we got home SIL produced a 1/2 bottle of vodka which she proceeded to rapidly drink. She was so drunk she wouldn't eat her dinner and refused to sit with the rest of us. Then at about 9.30 she decided to start on my DP. She turned the music up really loud and when he asked her to turn it down, lost the plot and really laid into him.
She was screaming like a banshee and all in front of all the DC's (ok they are all 12 and over but even so)She told my DSS's that when the new baby comes their dad won't want them anymore, told my DP that she and her sister have sown up their inheritance and when their parents die, they will get everything and he will get nothing(?!) and generally called me everything under the sun. Then told her husband to pack up and they were going home. She told my DP to get his hair cut (!) and when I laughed at the sheer immaturity her 16 year old daughter started having a go at me and threw her gameboy thing very hard at my stomach!
They all packed their things and left despite both drivers (husband and daughters bf) having had quite a lot of beer to drink.
This was at 11.30 at night and the temp was around minus 4 in cornwall and they had to drive 5 hours to Cheshire.
We called my DPs parents the next morning to check they got back ok and were told it was all our fault and we had made them really unwelcome since they arrived and then finally that we had thrown them out.
We also then got a number of unpleasant messages from the other sister.

I frankly do not want to have anymore to do with them. EVER. and am also really upset with DP's parents for taking their side when they know just what they are like and warned us for inviting them in the first place. I am still reeling after nearly two weeks and it makes me sick to think of the effort we went to for them. I also feel really miffed that the first few days we knew about our impending arrival were marred by this circus. Am I being unreasonable to feel like this or should I live and let live and take the moral highground?

Thanks for reading this epic!

OP posts:
mylifemykids · 14/01/2009 16:01

YANBU. It sounds like you're better off without them! Personally I'd have phoned the police and given them their number plate if they were drink driving

squeaver · 14/01/2009 16:02

Well, I'm usually one for rising above it but...

At the end of the day, they're your DP's family so if he wants to keep in touch with them that's fine. But that is appalling behaviour (especially to your DSSs) and should require a lot of effort on their part to be forgiven.

Do your DP's parents know about the baby?

hifi · 14/01/2009 16:03

phew, yanbu.

PoloPlayingMummy · 14/01/2009 16:04

YANBU at all- they sound like a bunch of wankers quite frankly!

RaspberryBlower · 14/01/2009 16:04

YANBU. They sound really rude, aggressive and horrible. And was she said to dss is unforgivable. What does your dp say?

Congratulations by the way!

ilovetochat · 14/01/2009 16:04

yanbu, just ignore them and forget about it, look forward to your new baby, congratulations by the way

MadamDeathstare · 14/01/2009 16:07

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conkertree · 14/01/2009 16:08

yup i agree with the rest - better off without them, although i suppose dp might not feel that way after a while.

i guess i'd just not invite them to stay again - if you are seeing them in the future cause dp doesnt want to cut them out completely, then they could stay at a B&B or only see them for a day at a time somewhere neutral etc, but yes yanbu at all.

NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 16:10

You poor thing.

How does your DP feel about it all? I think it has to be his call as they are his family.

sarah293 · 14/01/2009 16:11

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BoccaDellaVerita · 14/01/2009 16:13

They sound a complete nightmare but I think you need to take account of DP's views. How does he feel? Madamdeathstare's approach sounds good to me.

AliBean · 14/01/2009 16:17

Thanks for all the replies - I am glad that you agree and I am not being over sensitive! At the moment DP is of the same mind - never see them or speak to them again. But they are his family and I imagine he will not always feel like this.

I don't want them anywhere near DSS's - who do know exactly what they are like - and certainly no where near new baby!

I suppose time will tell but I just had to get it off my chest as its still really playing on my mind.

Oh and Squeaver - yes DP's parents know all about new baby - but they have 6 grandchildren already and clearly no time for a new one!

OP posts:
bronze · 14/01/2009 16:18

Maybe there was a reason your dps ex wanted nothing to do with them!
Let your dp worry about them you focus on the boys and your baby and thank goodness they dont live closer

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 14/01/2009 16:18

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ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 14/01/2009 16:19

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Idrankthechristmasspirits · 14/01/2009 16:20

I would laugh at them, they sound like a bunch of loons.
partners mum recently had a huge rant at us about something that she seems to have engineered in her own head, it's not nice and I'm sure some of the things they said and did have hurt your feelings but there is nothing you can do with people like this other than punch their lights out rise above it.

VinegarTits · 14/01/2009 16:21

They sound like a bunch of raging alckies, should be ashamed of themselves, your well rid by the sounds of it

Remember though PIL will have heard their side of the story first, so might be worth ringing to give your side too

Congrats at being pg

MaryAnnSingleton · 14/01/2009 16:22

dear God YANBU at all

BoccaDellaVerita · 14/01/2009 16:26

Alibean - I've just been wondering whether this is about your dp's ex-p. You say she hated his sisters but were they or his parents fond of her? I wonder whether they're having difficulty accepting that dp has moved on with his life. The news about the baby may have made them even more antagonistic, especially if they really believe that you and they will lose contact with his older children.

Of course, that's not an excuse for behaving so badly, but if you can work out what's motivating them it might make future decisions easier.

Lotster · 14/01/2009 16:27

YANBU - you made an effort and they insulted you both, assaulted you and worst of all upset your partner's kids.

I would cut them out (sister who came at very least, perhaps both but not his parents), deal with the damage done to the boys with lots of re-assurance and look forward to your baby. Doubt he does but you're partner shouldn't expect otherwise.

Sounds like the ex-wife was right about them...

MrsMattie · 14/01/2009 16:31

Sounds like they have serious drink problems, for starters. Are they generally vile people? YANBU to not want to speak to them again.

MrsSeanBean · 14/01/2009 16:32

Families eh?

Poor you, it sounds like you had a horrendous time. As others have said, limit contact in future (if you can't avoid altogether).

Buda · 14/01/2009 16:35

Sounds like your DPs' ex had good reason to hate them!

The sound dreadful.

YANBU!

Sunshinesmith · 14/01/2009 16:40

Yay, it reads like a script from Shameless-

How absolutely horrid! You are not being over sensitive but they sound like a dysfunctional bunch!

beanieb · 14/01/2009 16:43

What does your DP say about it all, and what has he said to his family?

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