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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think this is totally unforgivable...and I mean forever? This is really long - sorry!

38 replies

AliBean · 14/01/2009 15:56

My DP's youngest sister and family came to stay for New Year. They live in up North and we now live in Cornwall having moved in November. He has never really been close with either of his sisters esp during his previous marriage as ex-wife hated them both and refused to spend time with them, When they split and we met, he told me he wanted to see more of them and make up for all the years of not seeing them. So I have always made an effort with both sisters and their families - we have had them to stay at our home on a number of occassions and I always push the boat out with special food and drinks etc.
Anyway we invited youngest sis and her DH and DC's plus eldest DD's boyfriend to come for New Year. Along with DP's 2 sons from previous marriage.
I discovered I was pregnant the morning before they arrived and DP and I decided not to tell them until he could tell his two sons.
Anyway they all came and my SIL and her family behaved appallingly from the moment they arrived. Smoking all over my house despite being asked to keep it in the kitchen, making a horrendous mess, not offering to help with anything kitchen-wise and generally getting drunk and rowdy. They came basically empty-handed apart from 3 cases of lager, a bottle of vodka (for SIL) and two bottles of rose (for their eldest DD - 16) and nothing at all for us (we prefer red wine or ale...not that I was drinking anything, but they didn't know).
Anyway they carried on until the early hours of the 30th and I gave in and went to bed before they did.
The next day I cooked a full breakfast for 9 people and cleaned up after it while they all sat around. We took them to our nearest town and they couldn't be bothered to walk around or on the beach with our dog so high-tailed it to the pub. When I went to find them after walking the dog with DSS's and DP, they were being really rowdy again and landlord asked us to take them home!!
We had a really subdued NYE as they were all hungover and tired from night before so weren't drinking and we were all in bed by 1am. New Years Day - I cooked breakfast again for everyone and then DP suggested we go for a walk and then to another pub for lunch. When we got to the pub and went off down the lane they all decided they didn't want a walk and would wait in the pub for us. We have a springer spaniel so she really does need a walk a day...so off we went - DP, Me and the boys. 45 mins later we returned and they had left with no note on the car or a text. The boys were delighted and begged to have lunch without them. So we did and DP took this opportunity to tell them about new baby. Eldest was totally fine but youngest was a bit upset (was ok later though) We went to find the others after lunch and they had been back to the pub from the day before and I assume had a fair amount to drink.
When we got home SIL produced a 1/2 bottle of vodka which she proceeded to rapidly drink. She was so drunk she wouldn't eat her dinner and refused to sit with the rest of us. Then at about 9.30 she decided to start on my DP. She turned the music up really loud and when he asked her to turn it down, lost the plot and really laid into him.
She was screaming like a banshee and all in front of all the DC's (ok they are all 12 and over but even so)She told my DSS's that when the new baby comes their dad won't want them anymore, told my DP that she and her sister have sown up their inheritance and when their parents die, they will get everything and he will get nothing(?!) and generally called me everything under the sun. Then told her husband to pack up and they were going home. She told my DP to get his hair cut (!) and when I laughed at the sheer immaturity her 16 year old daughter started having a go at me and threw her gameboy thing very hard at my stomach!
They all packed their things and left despite both drivers (husband and daughters bf) having had quite a lot of beer to drink.
This was at 11.30 at night and the temp was around minus 4 in cornwall and they had to drive 5 hours to Cheshire.
We called my DPs parents the next morning to check they got back ok and were told it was all our fault and we had made them really unwelcome since they arrived and then finally that we had thrown them out.
We also then got a number of unpleasant messages from the other sister.

I frankly do not want to have anymore to do with them. EVER. and am also really upset with DP's parents for taking their side when they know just what they are like and warned us for inviting them in the first place. I am still reeling after nearly two weeks and it makes me sick to think of the effort we went to for them. I also feel really miffed that the first few days we knew about our impending arrival were marred by this circus. Am I being unreasonable to feel like this or should I live and let live and take the moral highground?

Thanks for reading this epic!

OP posts:
OneLieIn · 14/01/2009 16:45

YANBU and your DP should really support you on this.

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 14/01/2009 16:45

It does sound awful. I have had similar feelings about my DH's family (but they are nowhere as bad as this!) but have always been reluctant to cut all ties. Now we maintain a polite distance - cards, occasional phone call etc. But thats all.

NotADragonOfSoup · 14/01/2009 16:47

You should have phoned the police when they drove off drunk.

AliBean · 14/01/2009 16:48

Yes I think ex-wife was right. But DP says she made an effort too to begin with. Until elder of two sisters slapped her for some stupid arguement.
Also DPs family are Spanish and although all speak English and have lived here for 40 years they always used to speak Spanish around her and she felt left out. Her sons don't speak Spanish and she has never encouraged them too (which is a shame)

I knew all this at the begining so have made such an effort - I am learning Spanish at night school (after running our company from home all day) and have in the last two years written and updated Cv's for both sisters and their partners, eldest niece and also let her do work experience with me when she didn't get anything else organised. I have babysat their children and re-homed the youngest sisters family dog when it got to big and troublesome for her. I have listened for hours to her rambling on about how miserable she is and thought we were friends as I have been there for her so much and this is how they thank me! I know my DP is not perfect but they think he has deserted his parents by moving down to cornwall. His parents are not invalids by any means - his Dad is fine and still drives, cooks and is totally lucid and his mum is so well she actually looks after other elderly people that live nearby.
I actually think they may be jealous of their brother - for having a happy life now after having an unhappy marriage. Because his boys love me and spending time with us and their mum. That in their minds we are golden and they are not! (Which is not true - we have our fair share of probs but don't ring them up to go on about it either!) Its all so destructive!

OP posts:
AliBean · 14/01/2009 16:56

I didn't know the two drivers had been drinking until well after they had gone. They were in another room watching tv when it all kicked off and it was only when I started clearing up that I found the bottles.
Unfortunately. It would have served them right...but it wasn't really their fault. My SIL was threatening to throw a rock through our kitchen window and I think BIL chose the lesser of two evils.
Not condoning it but really was a nightmare for him too. Can't understand how he puts up with it tbh.

OP posts:
jellyhead · 14/01/2009 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstare · 14/01/2009 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMagooo · 14/01/2009 17:12

YANBU by any stretch of the imagination

What rude, inconsiderate, appalling guests!

Wash your hands of them I say!

AliBean · 14/01/2009 17:18

Well I have no intention of giving up the Spanish - I am not really learning for them anyway.
We want to bring new baby up bi-lingual so that is my real motivation for the lessons now.
Which is where I am off to now...so buena noches senoras bonitas! Adios!

OP posts:
jenwa · 14/01/2009 17:23

You sound like you have gone totally out of your way and done everything to make them welcome, they are just compeletly selfish and jealous of your relationship and your life I am sure! I would focus on your future with DH and your new baby and try not to let this wind you up as they are clearly not worth it and would relish the fact you would be upset!

Congratulations on your pregnancy

Pingping · 14/01/2009 17:24

yanbu what a horrible bunch of people

compo · 14/01/2009 17:27

how did they know you were pregnant? I thought you only told your 2 boys?

alicecrail · 14/01/2009 17:28

I can't believe you had to ask if you are being unreasonable! What Twats!! I would think ignoring them and changing phone numbers, possibly leave the country would be your best bet!

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