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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect the woman who smashed into my lovely new car to bother calling me to apologise?

43 replies

kettlechip · 14/01/2009 13:40

I know accidents happen, and it's only a car (and thank goodness, not a child!), but this person (who I'd previously known by sight but not name) is known for being a slightly reckless driver, and my car had been parked well out of the way in the school carpark. She was running late for something on Monday afternoon and just reversed, smashing straight back into my car. She must have been doing a fair speed as she's caused about £2000 worth of damage. I'm likely to be without it for a couple of weeks while it gets fixed. Rather than coming to find me at the time, she rushed off and then phoned the school later to get them to pass on the news, and her details instead.

I rang her tel no and dealt with her dp (who was really helpful) but have heard absolutely nothing from her. If it were me, I'd have made sure I'd apologised asap in person. I'm bound to see her soon and don't quite know what to say.. I'm now feeling quite cross about it and feel she should be aware that she's caused me a lot of hassle - but also need to be conscious that I'll keep seeing her around so don't want to get into any argument plus I know it wasn't deliberate.. WWYD?

OP posts:
Lulumama · 14/01/2009 13:42

she is probably mortified and therefore avoiding you

at least she has left her details etc so it can be dealt with

i would not do anything really

Fimbo · 14/01/2009 13:43

Agree with Lulu's post.

laweaselmys · 14/01/2009 13:45

I don't think you can do anything.

But on the hopeful side, maybe she hasn't got your number and can't get into contact. Isn't there a thing about apologies and admitting liability though? Not sure.

Lauriefairycake · 14/01/2009 13:46

It would never occur to me to apologise to someone I didn't really know. I would do nothing and don't see why would you argue with her because you are cross.

She doesn't have to apologise to you - her responsibility is to make sure you have her details.

To quote judge judy - that's why they're called accidents and not 'on-purposes'

Lauriefairycake · 14/01/2009 13:46

and her reversing into you will have caused her a lot of hassle too.

Original poster
kettlechip · 14/01/2009 13:47

I would have been mortified if it were me, I do understand that. But there's no way I would have avoided the situation, no matter how uncomfortable I felt.

I just keep thinking that if she didn't see my fairly large car, she wouldn't have seen a child either - she just shouldn't have been driving that way in a school carpark no matter what the reason.

OP posts:
Fimbo · 14/01/2009 13:49

I presume you weren't there? So you don't know the full circumstances?

Maybe she doesn't know who you are? She was probably badly shaken last night.

OhBling · 14/01/2009 13:50

So you want her to apologise because she could of it a child?

I understand your frustration, but her "apology" is what her insurance is about - she gives you her details, you get your car fixed for free. Irritating, but there itis.

NAB3lovelychildren · 14/01/2009 13:51

I think you are fine to expect an apology but I think that has an impact on insurance claims - though it is obvious she did it so I don't know.

Original poster
kettlechip · 14/01/2009 14:05

I think I must be a bit out of kilter with everyone else. It's good to realise, then I won't expect anything from her.

I can honestly say though that I would have apologised if the situation were the other way round - it's not about the money, the inconvenience, me wanting to humiliate her or whatever. To me, it's simple good manners to say sorry if you damage someone else's property, accidentally or otherwise. If you hit a complete strangers car in Tesco's that might be different, you'd just go through insurers but she knows who I am, our dc's are in class together. We also have a mutual friend who knows I'm a placid person and not likely to blow up at anyone for a genuine accident!

She hit my parked car so I think (hope!) it's pretty clear cut insurance wise. I don't think there is any doubt on liability - her distinctive coloured car paint is all over the back of my car so it would have been pretty obvious who it was even if she hadn't owned up.

I think I'm just going to have to chalk it up to experience! Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Lulumama · 14/01/2009 14:07

have you ever spoken to her before?

wotulookinat · 14/01/2009 14:11

At least she got in touch with the school and didn't just leave it.

JHKE · 14/01/2009 14:23

I agree that nothing should be said to the woman but I agree that had I smashed someones car I would be apologising profusely!

wotulookinat · 14/01/2009 14:31

Surely I am not the only person who would consider driving off???!!!!

LadyMuck · 14/01/2009 14:41

My insurance policy requires me not to apologise for an accident, even if I am to blame. It states "Never admit blame or liability for an accident or offer to make a payment for any damage
caused. Please tell us if any other person admits blame."

If it was a close friend then I would probably manage to convey my apology in another way. But otherwise there is no way that I would apologise in case that I invalidated my insurance.

wotulookinat · 14/01/2009 14:47

My dad told me when I first started driving NEVER to apologise or admit blame, even if it is your fault.

stillstanding · 14/01/2009 14:52

You do have to be careful about admitting blame with respect to insurers but there are ways to saying sorry for damage you have caused without admitting liability and I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. There's nothing you can do about it but if it was me I would have been apologising all over the place the next time I saw you and I can totally understand your irritation, kettlechips.

herbietea · 14/01/2009 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

shouldbeironing · 14/01/2009 15:05

You do not admit blame to the other party.

But what the other woman can do to be helpful and what she ought to have done is to phone her own insurers and explain what happened truthfully and in doing so she will admit blame via her insurers.

This has happened to me and I had a call from the other lady's insurer's the next day saying they were accepting liability and could they arrange to get the car repaired etc. This was much more useful to me than any direct apology.

To be honest, I would be judging this woman not by whether she apologises but by whether she is fully co-operative with the insurers - far worse for the OP if she tries to make trouble by not admitting her fault to her own insurers.

Of course once the insurance side is sorted out and fault is accepted, she would then be free to come up to you and apologise which would be a nice thing to do.

Original poster
kettlechip · 14/01/2009 18:43

That's a really good point about not being allowed to admit liability - I hadn't thought of that, and should probably remember it in case I'm ever in the situation myself - it would be a natural reaction to say sorry if I'd driven into someone!

And for what it's worth, I think it's totally out of order to drive off and leave a car you've hit. Honestly I do. It's illegal, immoral and totally dishonest. I can imagine the temptation to avoid huge costs (I've recently had to fork out for a prang of my own making - ouch) but you just can't do that to others. Just think how you'd feel. It isn't a nicety to report an incident - it's your legal obligation. And herbietea, I also was under the impression it was illegal to leave the scene of the accident (but can understand that she was in a massive rush to go somewhere and contacted the school when she could.)

Hopefully this will resolve itself with a pleasant chat- I am bound to see her very soon, and don't want any awkwardness!

OP posts:
nannyL · 14/01/2009 19:46

surely as its clearly 100% her fault you will be able to get a courtsey car etc and bill it to her insurance company

memoo · 14/01/2009 19:49

I think it is illegal to leave the scence of a car accident without first passing on insurance details to other driver

Original poster
kettlechip · 14/01/2009 19:50

Nanny, yes, my insurance company have been great. Even when it was my fault I got a courtesy car free of charge anyway, I didn't even know it was included with the policy.

I've ended up driving DH's car though, as the courtesy one is a 3 door, and I have a back problem at the moment which meant leaning in to get the dc's into their carseats was a bit of an issue!

OP posts:
Original poster
kettlechip · 14/01/2009 19:53

memoo, I think it is too, but I'm not going to make any issue over that unless she doesn't co operate with her insurers. Surely I'll have a legal case against her if she doesn't co operate though?.. not sure how all this works..

OP posts:
tumtumtetum · 14/01/2009 20:14

I am surprised at everyone saying that they would never admit blame. If I drove into someone and it was totally my fault I would leap out and say "I'm so sorry that was my fault are you alright". What's wrong with doing that? Just interested as my behaviour seems to be so out of touch.