to expect the woman who smashed into my lovely new car to bother calling me to apologise?

[kettlechip]

I know accidents happen, and it's only a car (and thank goodness, not a child!), but this person (who I'd previously known by sight but not name) is known for being a slightly reckless driver, and my car had been parked well out of the way in the school carpark. She was running late for something on Monday afternoon and just reversed, smashing straight back into my car. She must have been doing a fair speed as she's caused about £2000 worth of damage. I'm likely to be without it for a couple of weeks while it gets fixed. Rather than coming to find me at the time, she rushed off and then phoned the school later to get them to pass on the news, and her details instead.

I rang her tel no and dealt with her dp (who was really helpful) but have heard absolutely nothing from her. If it were me, I'd have made sure I'd apologised asap in person. I'm bound to see her soon and don't quite know what to say.. I'm now feeling quite cross about it and feel she should be aware that she's caused me a lot of hassle - but also need to be conscious that I'll keep seeing her around so don't want to get into any argument plus I know it wasn't deliberate.. WWYD?

well my friend crashed into my lovely new car ast week and then had the cheek to lay right into me when the quote for fixing it was higher than she wanted it to be and then started to deny having cause the damage. i was expecting apologies not grief. you prob wont get a call as she will be worried re insurance admitting liability etc so i would just let it go. i caused an accident last year and though i felt terrible about it it did not cross my mind to ring the bloke to apologise. my firned is now avoiding me as she clearly does not know what to say. it is all orrible. but i am in a v smiliar situation to you and hate it too!

I've been told also never to apologise.
I hit someone's car in a car park as well a while ago. She wasn't in it at the time. I left my mob number on her windscreen and panicked for the next few hours about the huge scary man I knew would own the car When she did call she was lovely! But I felt dreadful for not actually apologising. So Janine, if you're reading this I am really really sorry

I can't believe people would drive off. Well actually yes I can.

Last year we came back to our car to find a big dent. I was near tears as we'd just had one fixed and I knew it'd cost a bomb, plus we'd lose our no claims. Then a lady came over and said she'd been sittign in a parked car and had got the guy's number. We went to the police and it turned out to be a 60 year old pillar of the community. The witness said he hit it with a hell of a thump, got out, rubbed it with a rag and then jumped back in his car, moved it and went bowling. He got a police ticking off which I was delighted with, plus of course he had to pay.

So the moral is, you might think you've got away with it but there could always be a witness!

A few years ago, i had spent ages re-modifying a low wall and it had integral planters in it.
One day, coming back from shopping found loads of glass on the floor near the low wall (it's near a turnoff for garages) and a big blue mark and the bricks had been cracked.
Further down the road, i noticed my neighbour's van totally stoved in and leaking oil and water all over the road.
I was quite worried for her so knocked on her door and rang her tel no but no reply.
So i carried on cleaning up the mess outside my wall.
Later on she sees me and NOT a mention about the crash. I just said are you OK? and she said that she had gone to her friend's house to calm down, but still no appology.
Suppose she though that as the whole wall had not come down there is nothing wrong.
No manners, i remember when i had my first car and i was only 19yrs old, the steering arm on the car snapped and i ended up in a guy's garden (number 13 as it happens) and i knocked on his door to tell him a) why my car was parked inches from his window and b)The police and AA were aware. He just huffed and slammed the door!
Should have just left it there!

Can totally understand where you're coming from, kettlechip, and I'd be exactly the same. Surely if there's no denying she caused the accident its not too much to expect an apology.

Saying that, when my sil's car got hit in the carpark, the woman jumped out and aplogised and admitted full responsibility etc till later that night when her husband rang and blamed my sil!!! Luckily I was able to remind them I was a witness, and wrote to the insurers saying I would say what had happened in any court in the land, and then miraculously her memory came back and it was all sorted out.

well put, pickupthismess, you are all restoring my faith in humanity a bit now!

If I'd happened to have returned to my car just after she had hit it on Monday and found the back smashed in with no note I would have been extremely upset and angry, particularly as it's only a few months old. It's a small school and I'd have known it would have likely been hit by someone I'd know, if that makes sense.

And I really wouldn't expect or want any grovelling apology tbh, just an acknowledgement that it's happened, and is being sorted. I think that's just basic courtesy.

And to rub salt in the wound, my courtesy car is a fecking Skoda! (no offence to Skoda drivers, apparently they are exactly like Golfs but with a different badge!..) The neighbours must be ptsl..

I had sympathy for you until the fecking Skoda comment...not a driver of one myself, but why is it rubbing salt in your wounds to have a Skoda??

sorry, that was a tongue in cheek comment and really not intended to cause offence!! Please consider it withdrawn.

I'm frankly grateful to have anything to drive at the moment!!

LOL!

A few years ago a young driver who had just passed his test pulled out in front of me on a major A road and caused both cars to be written off as a result. He apologised at the scene, and rang a couple of days later to check I was OK. His courtesy, and consideration really mattered. Had he not done that I really would have felt quite angry - because he did take the time and trouble, the whole thing was amicable and trouble-free. I appreciate the insurance issue, but frankly an apology is important, and in my case and the OP, the fault was obvious (imo) and unlikely to affect the attribution of fault. And anyway it is always possible to find a phrase like "I'm really sorry that this has happened" which need not be an admission of liability, if necessary.

in her defense maybe she didnt know the car she hit was yours?

hence why she said to school she had done it

she could have left her details on your car in a note

if the accident is another persons fault then yes you can claim a curtsey car off their insurance

agree insurance say dont admit fault, when i rolled the car the other year, it was 50/50 and other person kept ringing me up, and saying do you accept blame, and i kept saying no - it was 50/50

someone hit my wing mirror a few years ago, in car park, and left it dangling

wasa electric and needed all new wires/mirror

£158 later - i was fuming

no note or anything

I'd apologise - i crashed into the back of someone stupidly one day and was so apologetic as they were just off on their holidays. Luckily the damage was minor but it was absolutely my fault.

However DH scratched another car in a car park and left our details. The other driver then tried to get him to pay for a whole car re-spray which was massively over the top and luckily the insurance company said so.

Also a young girl pulled out of a round about on new years day a few years ago and crashed into my DH - totally her fault which she admitted. But then her father phoned my DH and shouted at him that it was his fault. This ended up with insurance person going with my DH to round about to re-enact accident and it was totally her fault.

Accidents happen - i don't see the point in shouting and getting cross.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm really not cross about the accident and no longer feel I need to say anything to her - nobody was hurt, these things happen, she did pass on her details and it is only a car. This person is notorious for driving carelessly though (I have seen her screech into the carpark on several occasions before while running late), and I suppose it was inevitable that she'd eventually hit something.

I don't mean to sound horrible but I do hope it's given her enough of a shock that she'll really think before she shoots around the school carpark next time, imo nobody should ever be doing that speed when there are young children walking about.

I have been hit three times, and have never had a 'sorry' from the other party, and that was with the other party either halping call emergency services, or stood glaring at me for having the audacity to be in their way when they tried to do an illegal u-turn around a bus!!

I have to admit tho, I was not aware that people are actually advised not to apologise......I knew not to admit blame, but surely saying 'sorry' is an automatic response in an accident???

Psychomum, that would be my instinct too, but it seems that in sad reality, some people will do anything to try and avoid taking the responsibility even if it's clearly their fault.

My dad was recently hit by a car driving into the side of him on a roundabout. He was already on it but the guy claimed that he should actually have stopped to allow him on(!) Fortunately my dad is in the legal profession and got it sorted but it took a year to reclaim his excess.

flame had an accident last week (someone pulled out in front of her). the other party has admitted blame, but flame said to me that she (flame) was saying 'sorry sorry sorry' thru shock, even tho it was clearly not her fault.

I think a certain people have a hightened sense of when to say sorry, and certain people think saying sorry is an admission of weakness!

about your dad's accident!

I've been on both sides of this situation. About 18 months ago, I scraped someone's car in the carpark at the gym whilst parking my car. I put a note on his windscreen and then decided to wait in my car to see if the owner came back soonish.

When he did, I explained what had happened and apologised, and we exchanged details. He got the work done, and we paid for it ourselves as it wasn't expensive enough to warrant losing our no claims.

Some days later I got a mystery bunch of flowers - it wasn't my birthday or anything like that, and the flowers had no card on them. I might be wrong, but I suspect they were from the chap whose car I'd hit - he'd been so nice to me in the carpark and when we'd spoken later on the phone.

We also had an accident where we were in a traffic queue, and the car behind us was hit by another car (going too fast and towing an overloaded, unbraked trailer), and was shunted into our car. We had all three ds's in the car, two bikes on the back and two on the roof and the boot full of holiday stuff - we were heading to Scotland for a fortnight.

The other drivers both got out and the police attended, and there was no dispute about who was at fault, but I was a little shocked that the wife of the chap who'd caused the accident didn't think to get out of her seat to ask if my children were OK - she just carried on knitting as if nothing had happened. She could see that everyone was being reasonably calm and polite about things, so she had no reason to suspect that I'd have had a go at her - so it seemed rather uncaring to me.

sunnygirl that's awful with the woman and her knitting - that sort of thing really shakes your faith in humanity.

For the non-blame/non-apologisers - does that still apply if you cause a crash in which people are injured, or say if you hit a pedestrian, or is there a point at which you would apologise? I'm just interested as it goes against my instincts not to say sorry if I have done something wrong!