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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that it's icky that my bf's fiancé is thinking of using the same best man as for his first marriage?

58 replies

OrangeKnickers · 12/01/2009 21:38

I think it's ewwwwwwww! But bf doesn't mind. Obviously it's nothing to do with me but I don't want them to be laughed at by others (as I would snigger if I heard this about someone else).

AIBU?

OP posts:
cat64 · 12/01/2009 22:07

This reply has been deleted

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LadyOfWaffle · 12/01/2009 22:07

I'd be worried if he was trying to squeeze her into the same dress...

Poor fella might only have one buddy Seriously, echoing (?) others here, he will have the same best friend.

ThingOne · 12/01/2009 22:23

Glad you've changed your mind. I've got a friend who had the same best man both times. Seemed sensible as he was his best friend. It was lovely.

SazzlesA · 12/01/2009 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Karamazov · 12/01/2009 22:28

From the Best man's perspective...

You have a best friend, you see him through thick and thin, support him through his wedding and his marriage breakup - you're there for him.... then he's getting married again, and despite all that you've done for him, he goes and chooses someone else to be best man. How would you feel? Snubbed a bit, I'd guess.

The first wedding is irrelevant imho - the groom should choose the person he wants to honour / have by his side, and the best man who has been there for him, I would say is a worthy candidate (assuming of course, he has been a good friend!)

stephla · 12/01/2009 22:45

They should have a Second Best Man, then?

FiveGoMadInDorset · 12/01/2009 22:46

DH had the same best man for his first 2 weddings, changed for ours which seems to have done the trick

mayorquimby · 12/01/2009 23:41

"I just hope the best man also has the decency to remain tactful when doing his speech - absolutely no "jokes" about any apsect of the 1st marriage, or how he's an old hand at the job etc."

oh come on, how many times inyour life do you get the chance to go for that text-book opener of "when i first met (name of old bride).....oh shit wrong pocket/has it really been that long since i wore a tux/what he wore the same tux i can't use the same speech"
it's an absolute necessity

nappyaddict · 13/01/2009 00:33

Presumably the best man is his best friend?

solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 13/01/2009 00:36

Same ring might be a little bit Daphne Du Maurier, but a lot of blokes choose either best mate or brother as best man and that isn't likely to change (unless first wife left him for the best man). Not really your business anyway, is it?

TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2 · 13/01/2009 00:42

I don't see the problem, there are a lot of people who will be playing the same role - mother/father of the bride/groom for example.

loobeylou · 13/01/2009 20:12

I would draw the line at him saying he'd book the same honeymoon venue as he had such a good time last time he was there!That would be a bit off, but the same best man, yes, not a problem!

Wordsmith · 13/01/2009 21:16

LOL! A friend of mine did this and his best man opened his speech with the words, "Well, here we are again..."
A small moment of shocked silence and then everyone laughed, except for the bride's father.

DaddyJ · 13/01/2009 23:37

Blimey, AnarchyAunt, you get invited to some interesting weddings!

MrsGrouchoMarxMerryHenry · 13/01/2009 23:42

OrangeKnickers, I think you're being rather silly and immature about this. If they're still close friends, why shouldn't he choose the same best man? A bride getting married in the same dress, now that would be tacky. Though it would also be credit-crunch friendly!

MrsGrouchoMarxMerryHenry · 13/01/2009 23:42

Or, rather 'economically sound'. There. Now I sound intelligent.

thumbwitch · 13/01/2009 23:46

not icky but dangerous.
I went to DH's cousin's 2nd wedding a couple of years ago in Oz - they do the meet the guest thing at the end there, when most people have drink on board (dangerous) - anyway, the MC (best man effectively) said at the end of the meet'n'greet:
"Ok, let's hear it for C and E! (E being the first wife... ) M, the new wife, was naturally v upset and fled the scene in tears, draggin her DH behind her.

MrsGrouchoMarxMerryHenry · 13/01/2009 23:56

yikes!!

thumbwitch · 14/01/2009 00:01

not the best start to a life of marital harmony, I have to say! The drunkest people there didn't really notice but there was a generally shocked sharp intake of breath from the rest!

CrushaGrape · 14/01/2009 00:11

My DP was best man at his best friend's two weddings. It never occurred to me that there was anything icky about it; if someone's your best mate, they're your best mate, and you want them to be up there with you.

Original poster
OrangeKnickers · 14/01/2009 08:46

MrsGrouchoMarxMerryHenry - many apologies for sullying mumsnet with my immature and silly questions. Do forgive me.

OP posts:
Astarte · 14/01/2009 08:50

Well my first instinct Orangeknickers was to Ewwww! as well.

BUT providing the venue and dress etc is different.... if the groom wanted the same outfit I might be a bit .
If his best friend then is still in place now then I suppose he is going to choose him.

As long as the BM doesn't make anything of it in his speech....God could you imagine?

blueshoes · 14/01/2009 08:52

Same ring might be more objectionable.

Gateau · 14/01/2009 08:58

What's the problem?
It's not about you, TBH. You choose your bridesmaids, your fiance chooses his best man.

solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 14/01/2009 10:02

ON similar note I was a witness at my XPs wedding and the other witness was the bride's most recent XP. Very modern, we thought . They have now been married for 15 years...