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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking feeding a 3.5mth old baby chocolate isn't a spectator sport???

104 replies

glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 12/01/2009 12:53

I was picking DS up from nursery today, one of the mums was there with her friends (parents of other nursery children) and she pulled out a bag of milkybar buttons and started feeding them to her baby... Her and her 3 friends were all stood round the pram laughing and poking them back in when she spat them out... At one point she was holding her lips closed saying 'come on just eat it'. In the 5mins we were waiting a few other parents gathered around the pram to watch, all laughing and giggling about feeding a baby chocolate... One mum asked the babies mum how old she was, the mother replied '3.5mths, I've been giving them to her since xmas, she loves them' so at 3mths she was feeding her baby buttons!!!!

I was horrified!! Seeing this... I was also horrified to see so many other parents thinking it was highly amusing!! So AIBU??? I just couldn't go on the rest of the day without ranting about this, and DH is at work so I can't rant to him!!

OP posts:

Jenbot · 13/01/2009 16:41

Meh, it isn't what I'd do, but that mum might be a great, loving parent overall. The chav and pikey comments have been quite offensive I reckon.

HelenBurns · 13/01/2009 16:43

I don't think anyone who force feeds her child chocolate to make people laugh can be described as a great, loving parent.

It's a shit thing to do.

I hope she realises that and gets her act together. Hopefully it was a momentary lapse in judgment. But who knows. Maybe she does it every day.

mumof2rugrats · 13/01/2009 16:48

this is changing subject abit but i saw a mum feeding there 3 month old baby a sachet of tomatoe sauce and i was horrified when i asked her what she was doing she replied it stops her crying i walked off with the hump after..

sausagenmash · 13/01/2009 16:49

Quite. And as the OP pointed out, I don't think watching it all happen and having a giggle is very nice either.

I have apologised re the chavlet comment....

lilstarry1 · 13/01/2009 19:53

I love it (sarcasm) when caring and learnedness around an area gets disregarded as "Middle class hysteria". Whilst I agree the chav comment was a bit out of order I DO think we should be able to criticise a parent who behaves like this! It doesn't matter how damn loving and wonderful she may be, if she's force feeding her child inappropriate food she should be told! It's because no one ever says anything (and this isn't a criticism of the OP, but a comment in general) that ignorance continues. We rely on HV's and professionals to change attitudes when in fact they are sometimes dangerously ignorant too (as the leaflet mentioned earlier shows_

It's a shame that not one of the people who gathered around to watch didn't think to say "should you be doing that? She doesn't seem to want it? It could hurt her".

I'm a young mum and I've had other young mums call me a "freak and weirdo" because I breastfed exclusively for 6 months. Personally I thought they were equally weird for giving a child too young to request it pic-n-mix. My three year old doesn't get pic-n-mix, why would you give it to a 9 month old? In some respects, each to their own, but no one would sit here and say injecting heroin into a child was acceptable - so why is giving it something else that it shouldn't have any different?

MamaHobgoblin · 13/01/2009 20:00

at this thread.

Someone posted earlier about a baby's 'first taste of chocolate' being some sort of spurious milestone, and I think that's hit it on the head. My FIL was badgering me a few months back about when I'd give DS his first taste of chocolate (he was all for going out right then and buying cadburys, I think!) and when I got a bit sniffy and told him there was absolutely no need at 8 months, he said I was 'bloody mean and miserable'! Ok, he was laughing at the time, but still... He really wanted to be there to see DS having his first experience of this 'treat', and I really think some people see it as a milestone. Twisted, sad, but true.

DS had his first minute taste of the brown stuff (in the form of the choccy log I baked) during Christmas dinner, at over 10 months - and really wasn't that bothered!

MadamDeathstare · 13/01/2009 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stocious · 13/01/2009 22:59

Lilstarry, comparing a milky chocolate button to a heroin injection is exactly why this thread is hysterical.

sunnygirl1412 · 13/01/2009 23:07

A quick memory that has been sparked by the first taste of chocolate milestone comments. When I was weaning ds1, at 4 months, because that was what the guidelines said at that time, I started with babyrice. The information that I got said that babies like sweet tastes, so I decided to try one of the fruit purees available - and ds1 wouldn't eat it.

I had been given a couple of jars of baby desserts, including a chocolate yoghurt, so I tried those - with the same result. When I switched to savoury purees, he loved them.

Because he was my PFB (and also, I think, in an attempt to make up for having failed at breastfeeding), I used to make all sorts of interesting purees, and ds1 was over a year old before he started eating anything sweet - even fruit/fruit purees.

Stocious

FWIW, I don't think it is a hysterical middleclass overreaction to think that a mother forcefeeding a child something that it does not want to eat, for the amusement of others - and am somewhat shocked that you see that incident as at all acceptable!

NancysGarden · 13/01/2009 23:23

As others have said it is a choking hazard. Don't we start with softened (if not puree). Remind me, when should babies be weaned? And chocolate as a first weaning food?

Minxie1977 · 13/01/2009 23:30

How about beer to a 2 year old? I witnessed this on Christmas Day. When I queried the choice I was told to mind my own f-ing business. Some people don't know how to parent. I appreciate chocolate isn't beer (or heroin ) but IMO it's not much different at 3 months old. YANBU!!

thumbwitch · 14/01/2009 00:11

I have a friend who had a serious issue with chocolate - she would always eat any that was in the house, Christmas time was a nightmare for her. Yes, yes, poor self control - it was a problem for her. Anyway, she discovered that it stemmed from the first time she had tasted baby chocolate pudding - under hypnosis (Told you it was a problem!) she linked it back to that first "OMG!!! What IS this, it's AMAZING!" taste sensation. One de-linking later and she was "cured" - now she thinks of chocolate as peas. I.e. - happy to eat them but doesn't need to empty the house of them.

I first let DS have a taste of chocolate at age 10mo - liquid choc from a fountain, just a smear on my finger - his eyes lit up and he lunged for my finger again and sucked it hard, despite it having no choc on it the 2nd time. (bad sign for the future )

Yes, chocolate buttons aren't heroin, and maybe that connection was a tad dramatic, but chocolate can be a serious problem for some people, and that's not good in today's world of increasing obesity.

All that is aside from the choking hazard and the insensitivity bordering on abuse of forcing a tiny baby to take and keep something in its mouth when it is trying not to have it there!

FairLadyRantALot · 14/01/2009 18:32

thumbwitch....maybe I should give hypnosis a try...I am a chocoholic and well....it just does not agree with my hips, tum or bum...

StealthPo09IsHere · 14/01/2009 18:45

There are 2 issues, feeding a 3.5 mo chocolate which IMO is bad
and then holding a baby's lips closed until she swallows (chocolate, not medicine) to make a bunch of adults laugh, and that IMO is abuse

thumbwitch · 15/01/2009 00:17

Fairladyrantalot - try for a hypnotherapist - preferably one who does NLP as well - can be very successful! Certainly was for my friend, she hasn't looked back.

lilstarry1 · 15/01/2009 19:09

I wasn't saying that chocolate is like heroin - both both are unacceptable things to give a baby of 3.5 months old, if something is unacceptable, it's unacceptable - at that age there isn't really a spectrum of inappropriateness - everything is potentially damaging. I'm no expert or one of those people that rants about waiting until 6 months but I do know that holding (physically restraining) a child's mouth is not only incredibly inappropriate, it's dangerous. In all honesty it irks me that anyone could think it acceptable, let alone watch on.

MrsMagooo · 15/01/2009 19:21

YANBU

The fact the the mother held the babies mouth closed is appalling.

thumbwitch · 15/01/2009 22:12

sorry lilstarry1, I know you weren't saying chocolate is like heroin but it was a bit of a leap from chocolate (as you say, clearly inappropriate at that age) to heroin (totally inappropriate at any age) - my ability to use the right words some days is going, not sure if it's mummybrains or some other problem, so I probably didn't phrase what I meant properly - I was actually trying to stand up for your pov!

ChairmumMiaow · 15/01/2009 22:26

I don't understand what it is about chocolate (well, for babies -I understand about it for me)

My DS started BLW at 23 weeks and about a week later, when he was basically at the stage of sucking brocolli for his own amusement, DH's family were having a 'cuddle' with him when out for a big meal. They're on the table behind us and I hear giggling - they've fed him chocolate sauce! I was absolutely furious (particularly as SIL is a doctor (was doing GP training at the time) and should know better.

But to be force fed anything, ever. I don't know why anyone would do it and it makes me very sad. I probably would have said something to her and got myself into 'trouble'

mawbroon · 15/01/2009 22:33

YANBU.

Sadly I am not surprised. I went to the baby group in the village where we lived before moving here, and I was asked when ds was 10 weeks if I had given him any chocolate yet.

One girl had given her same age dd a bit of creme egg, and somebody else was boasting about her same age dd who would down 4oz of juice in one go.

but none of my business.

thumbwitch · 15/01/2009 22:35

mental, isn't it! I suppose because so many people view it as a "treat", or a great comfort food, then they think they are "treating" the child to give it to them.

chegirl · 15/01/2009 22:46

ugg this thread has bought back a horrible memory. Just like to point out first that I am a little slack with DC4s diet. Nothing nasty but fairly relaxed BUT

I became a carer for my 8 week old great nephew nearly 6 years ago. I had to take him to all the review meetings and contact meetings. He had and still has TERRIBLE eczema and was a traumatized little boy. I put him on all organic food and was really careful with his diet re early weaning blah blah. It was hard work and expensive (no help from ss and none from birth mum).

I was sat at a meeting with him and handed him over to b.mum. Was knackered, been up all night as he fed hourly (he really was a bit of a state bless him). He was about 3 mths. I glanced at him and his mouth was black. She had put a huge great lump of mars bar in his mouth as ss were sat discussing her parenting skills . Mars Bar FFS. Her and he sister and mum thought it was all delightful fun. They then went on to tell me they expected him to be ONLY dressed in clothes from NEXT when they saw him.

On contact visits she used to take him to McDonalds and give him chips and burger. These vists were supervised BTW.

I am not suggesting that children fed chocolate should be removed as a matter of course. I am just using this thread as an excuse to vent my bitterness if I am honest

thumbwitch · 15/01/2009 22:55

chegirl.

I do think sometimes that there is an element of self-validation re. food choices - i.e. I think it is ok food to eat therefore why shouldn't my baby have it too? My sis was a bit like this - her DDs had McD stuff from a pretty early age (but not pre-6m!) because they "might as well get used to it now".

Food can be a very emotional subject when it comes to some parents/carers - sometimes any hint that the food the child is eating might be causing/ exacerbating a health condition can bring on feelings of guilt, the parent/carer doesn't like or want to accept the feelings of guilt so they reject the possibility that the food has anything to do with the health issue and carry on with it, sometimes even increasing the level of intake "just to show [whoever] that the food isn't at fault".
This could have happened if the OP had said anything about the chocolate button incident as well - the girl might have had a "what business is it of yours what I feed my child? I'll give her what I like" and fed her another one, just to show the "interfering busybody" who was boss.

chegirl · 15/01/2009 23:23

I agree thumbwich. (oh and thanks for the In my position it would have been impossible to say anything and would have made matters worse. Not sure what could have been done as the situation was do delicate. A lot of food issues are a matter of choice, culture etc but some are pretty clear cut. It would take a very brave person to pull anyone up in public and I doubt it would have the desired affect anyway.

Nekabu · 16/01/2009 10:36

Please don't all yell as this is a genuine question. Why would anyone feed chocolate to a baby anyway? It's pretty much empty calories (fat & sugar) and wouldn't it just encourage a sweet tooth?

I don't like chocolate so maybe that's why I don't get it but all this milestone business or trying to get it down them asap just sounds a bit odd?

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