to despise the fact that all paperwork (most of it being irrelevant and piss boring) is referred ot as a bleedin' 'toolkit'?

[moondog]

This nasty habit particulalry prevalent in educational/social services circles.

I want to scream 'A toolkit is a big metal box full of hammers and spanners you numpties, not a bloody great box full or useless bureacratic crap put together by an emascualted civil servant with tinned ravioli for balls and a jelly for a brain!!!!'

Am in v v v bad mood today. Obv

Oh too true. Like the fact that it takes resources to implement change. Even if that just means time.

prince2that and RiO and Floorwalkers (sounds like a hooker) and knowledge givers HaHa like some ole wizened guru

Oooh ScottishMummy have you been inflicted with RiO too? We were told that the name meant nothing btw.

whole singing dancin RiO hewre it comes.lordy what a nonsense.

I know people that thrive on and even write toolkits.

Gives me a huge desire to acquire a rope! (Won't say what I'd do with it though).

link{http://209.85.229.132/search?q=cache:T3jmI7pQ0hoJ:www.rightmousebutton.com/bull.html+bullshit+g enerator&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=4&gl=uk\BULLSHIT GENERATOR}

Please use this as i want to visualize turnkey models so we can synthesize leading-edge initiatives,harnessing leading-edge mindshare and orchestrate interactive deliverables

link{http://209.85.229.132/search?q=cache:T3jmI7pQ0hoJ:www.rightmousebutton.com/bull.html+bullshit+g enerator&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=4&gl=uk\here}

here?

yay!

Custy, that bullshit link is brilliant! I saw my (working) life flash before my eyes.

Scottish/nooka, what is RiO? Or do you mean ROI?

Brilliant link, Custardo! The scary thing is I'm sure I've heard a couple of those made up phrases in meetings already!

Excellent thread! I am NHS professional too, just preparing for an interview for a more senior post (Tuesday - aargh) so I'm wondering whether to use some of those made-up phrases just to bamboozle them.

Am ashamed to say I have written a toolkit in the past - I didn't want to call it that, honest, but was vetoed....

Am just revising 'in-service line-management' whatever the feck that is. Why can't I just look after patients?? (Maybe won't say that in the interview)

Oh god I hate all this tripe too. I may need a horizontal re-energiser (lie down) after reading all this .

Fantastic link from Custy there.

I've been doing some NHS training this week. We were given some handouts with something called 'The Triangle of Accountability' and 'The Triangle of Confidentiality' on.

Both were just lists of statements with a triangle round the outside The 'Triangle of Confidentiality' had no punctuation whatsoever, and therefore made even less sense than it would have done otherwise.

I was itching to ask what the triangles were actually for but chickened out

We were also told about various 'Umbrellas' but I can't remember what the point of those was either I think it was something to do with when the NHS will back you up if you make a mistake, but as I am 'Kind, Safe and Excellent' it shouldn't be a problem

Triangle of Accountability. Love it! Sounds like a terribly 80's band.

wipes eyes and takes a deep breath

Thank you! You lot have just reminded me why I'm here running a B&B in France instead of driving a desk back in the UK.

A former boss of mine, the litigation partner for a medium sized Chartered Accountants, used to say that the posher a firm's reception area the more likely said firm was to be heading for liquidation.

I'd add to that that the more buzzwords an organisation has the less likely it is to be actually doing anything useful :-).

MM

LOl at this thread, should we start a separate thread for the bullshit bingo final words/phrases? Particularly like tengreenbottle's idea to make a word up.

I have a mega management meeting next week and need something to help get me through it.

Also I am sitting here printing out some toolkits, to go into some expensive flashy folders, for a meeting tomorrow. The worse thing is, they were probably paid for by you....our blinkin' tax money!

p.s. Triangle of Accountability, just loving it

Custy, superb link.

the link was hilaious custy.blueshoes RiO is IT information management system rolling programme of implementation.

the "trainers" discuss such priceless concepts as "floor walkers" and "knowledge givers" it really is bullshit central for acronyms and buzzy cheesy phrases

floor walker sounds like a hooker

I think the idea behind using pictures (ie triangles) is that you are more likely to remember them than a straight list. It also makes presentations slightly more interesting (at least to make, if not to listen to!). As with mostthings, it probably works when the person making the slides/toolkits etc actually understands what they are talking about. Otherwise it is all Chinese Whispers

But it was a straight list, just inside a triangle shape!! If it had been put in a square it would have been exactly the same, just called 'The Square of Accountability' instead (actually I suspect it would have been called 'The Quadrilateral of Accountability )

Well that's pants really isn't it. Unfortunately a lot of people just see these sort of devices used elsewhere and feel that they need to do them too, without understanding the purpose behind them. Just like people using charts and other statistical information, when they could just use words, and their point would be just as understandable.

As with many other things, these skills are rarely taught, or where they are they tend to be focused on the mechanics (ie how to use Powerpoint), rater than the meaning. I once went to an interesting course on presentations given by a real sales and marketing person (ie someone who got a real life kick back from presenting well) and it was all about what you wanted the audience to hear, not what you want to say.

Powerpointless as my mother calls it.

"Triangle of Accountability"...hmmm....

Can someone try to use "Circle of Trust" (as in the catchphrase of the Robert De Niro character in "Meet the Parents") and see if you can get it taken seriously. If you get someone talking about being "inside" the circle then you are the winner.

Or start using some Obama buzzwords to increase the quality a little (how about "improbable" and "singular" and "audacity" which are three favourites of his and rightly so, very nice words they are too).