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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to give DD (11) a fake tan?

44 replies

nofaketanforDD · 06/01/2009 21:38

DD is competing in a ballroom comp at the weekend. She's been competing for several years now. Her teacher told me we had to get her a fake tan. I said no way, they are marking the dancing not the tan. She said that actually she would lose out if she didn't have a fake tan. Can't believe that is true, and I have said no. But not helped because DD's best mate has been booked in for a spray tan.... Have tried to explain to DD that a) she is only 11 and not good for her skin b) it's a dancing comp, not a beauty comp c) what if her skin reacts and d)spray tan costs a lot (which isn't the issue, really). She's been very grown up about it, but am I overreacting? Am already feeling a bit sorry for DD cos her mate has had an expensive dress ( £200+ )made, DD's making do with her usual dress , as they can't wear glitzy dresses for the rest of the competitions this year so they might only get to wear them once before growing out of them. Long rant, question is really, are my concerns founded, or AIBU? Would like to hear from other Mums of dancers too to get their opinions, but all opinions welcome.

OP posts:
jaq39 · 06/01/2009 22:03

I dont know what id do, maybe try a home tan? then you can do a skin test first, but it does seem like you are being put under a lot of pressure and thats not fair at all, at least your DD is not complaining too much, My DD gave up dancing when she was about 8 so didnt have to worry too much about this sort of thing, hope someone comes along too put your mind at rest.

jaq39 · 06/01/2009 22:04

bye the way YANBU

KatyMac · 06/01/2009 22:09

DD is a competitive dancer (ISTD) & it is all about the visual imo

DD will not (& never has) be getting a fake tan, inappropriate clothing, tarty make-up or spray on hair

She seems to do OK (ish) - she came 6th at Blackpool in the Nationals

roisin · 06/01/2009 22:10

Personally I wouldn't like it at all, but I get the impression it very much comes with the territory of lots of dancing competitions, especially ballroom.

roisin · 06/01/2009 22:11

Good luck to her btw. I hope she does well and enjoys the competition.

lilymolly · 06/01/2009 22:12

Not a mum of a dancer as dd is only 3, but I have always been amazed at this ridiculous idea that to be good at dancing one has to be caked in make up and false tan.

Its a disgrace and their is NO WAY I would allow dd to have one.
I would rather she was judged on her dancing ability rather than her looks

I would ensure she had a nice dress and the correct shoes etc, but would draw the line at anything else

But I am a little old fashioned so others may have different views

YANBU

kormaisforlifenotjustchristmas · 06/01/2009 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
nofaketanforDD · 06/01/2009 22:16

yeah, appreciate it comes with the territory - but at 11???? I know the older girls have always had them but I never thought of 11 being "older"! Wow KatieMac, your DD did well. Was that the medallist of the year comp at Easter?
Thanks for the good wishes Roisin, DD enjoys competing but am now worried her old-fashioned Mum will spoil her enjoyment of this comp if she is the only one without fake tan and megga expensive dress

OP posts:
KatyMac · 06/01/2009 22:16

All the other girls don't have fake tans

Some do, some don't - just like everything else 'everyone else's mum lets them do XYZ'

Keep the fake tan for when she wants something waaay more outrageous and bargain

Or be a stubborn mum & say 'No' like me

Original poster
nofaketanforDD · 06/01/2009 22:17

Korma, have dug out some Johnsons holiday skin, thinking that would be a compromise and if her skin reacts, we can stop in time for it to be a problem by Sunday. It just doesn't sit right with me for a child that young.

OP posts:
KingCanuteIAm · 06/01/2009 22:17

I think YABtotallyR. It is not good for anyone, never mind a child. It gives poor associations with her natural looks and so on and so on (I could continue )

My Grandmother and Grandfather have competed in ballroom dancing for years and neither of them have ever had a spray tan (or a real one come to that). It does not seem to have affected their results at all. I know it is different in younger competitions but I really would hold out on this one myself!

It is great that she is being grwon up about it and I understand why that makes you want to compromise with her. Could you look into some body make up - maybe bronzing powder that will give her colour for the day without being quite so nasty on her skin?

KatyMac · 06/01/2009 22:19

No in November

this is next years

elmoandella · 06/01/2009 22:20

i doubt very much she will be the only one without a tan. she may be in the minority. but there will be others.

Original poster
nofaketanforDD · 06/01/2009 22:20

bronzing powder also a good idea KingCanute. Tho I still think it sucks that their beautiful natural looking skin would be held against them.

OP posts:
KingCanuteIAm · 06/01/2009 22:20

BTW, even the light/daily tanners have the same ingrediants that make spray tan so bad for you. (hasn't spray tan been linked with cancer in its own right now?)

KingCanuteIAm · 06/01/2009 22:22

I agree it is sad that they are having this image forced on them, I have held out for years with my pasty english rose skin, through the bullying at school and the comments as an adult. I believe that natural is always better!

It does not make them, their dresses or the steps look any better, to me it just smacks of American Beauty Pagents [blurgh]

KatyMac · 06/01/2009 22:23

Look here there are lots at the final with no tan

Is it Ballroom?

Original poster
nofaketanforDD · 06/01/2009 22:23

different set of comps then KatyMac, what a shame! DD is at Wythenshawe on Sunday for the medallist qualifiers (where she dances with an adult, only she is being judged), Nationals in Blackpool at Easter. The other comps, where she dances with a same aged partner, are all in the North West but we go to Camber Sands in Oct/Nov for the finals.

OP posts:
handbagqueen · 06/01/2009 22:23

You are definately not BU, but to keep her happy you can get this mousse I think L'oreal do it which gives a tanned look but will wash off in the shower.

My DD1(6) has been asking for her hair to be dyed! I've told her she can consider it when she gets to 18 and not before and so far she has accepted this. She now says I'll dye my hair when I get to 18!

Original poster
nofaketanforDD · 06/01/2009 22:24

ballroom & latin

OP posts:
elmoandella · 06/01/2009 22:25

i've got to say i think the ones in that picture with tans look horrendous. specially when they have fleorescent outfits

the ones without a tan look much better imo

KatyMac · 06/01/2009 22:26

OK got to galleries & see if this chap photos other boards

I really don't think it's that big an issue & you can show your DD pictures of mine......(she is dancing with her daddy)

KatyMac · 06/01/2009 22:27

elmoandella I know you didn't say.....but Obviously my DD is the best looking, isn't she?

KatyMac · 06/01/2009 22:30

boasting again - I prefer this dress

Original poster
nofaketanforDD · 06/01/2009 22:32

she's lovely KatieMac, and really looks like she's enjoying it. I have been towing the "all Mums have different rules/ideas and I don't like fake tans on 11 year olds" but was wondering if I was being unfair, as Korma has suggested. But feel a bit better about it now and will consider a compromise. Thanks to you all (and have only name-changed because it would be easy for some people to work out who I am and I like to keep my anonymity on here)
Thanks again

OP posts: