to not want to give DD (11) a fake tan?

[nofaketanforDD]

DD is competing in a ballroom comp at the weekend. She's been competing for several years now. Her teacher told me we had to get her a fake tan. I said no way, they are marking the dancing not the tan. She said that actually she would lose out if she didn't have a fake tan. Can't believe that is true, and I have said no. But not helped because DD's best mate has been booked in for a spray tan.... Have tried to explain to DD that a) she is only 11 and not good for her skin b) it's a dancing comp, not a beauty comp c) what if her skin reacts and d)spray tan costs a lot (which isn't the issue, really). She's been very grown up about it, but am I overreacting? Am already feeling a bit sorry for DD cos her mate has had an expensive dress ( £200+ )made, DD's making do with her usual dress , as they can't wear glitzy dresses for the rest of the competitions this year so they might only get to wear them once before growing out of them. Long rant, question is really, are my concerns founded, or AIBU? Would like to hear from other Mums of dancers too to get their opinions, but all opinions welcome.

page 5 image 2277 - the one on left scares the heeby jeebies out me

YANBU. What on earth is wrong with one's natural skin colour?

I just gave in on the ear-piercing debate - after being at an event at school where 9 out of 10 girls did have their ears pierced.....talk about peer pressure

DD had always said 'As soon as I am 16 I will get my ears pierced' & not even tried to persuade me

Definitely stick to your guns. One of the things that makes ballroom stuff look naff is the fake tan brigade. Just because lots of other people do it is not a reason for giving in!

Fred Astaire didn't go round glowing orange! it's about the dancing. Or should be.

Don't do it! unless you accept the possibility that both you and DD will look back on photos of this in years to come and think "what was I/she thinking?"

I don't know. Dd did ballet, and would naturally be made up for the shows. Actors use make-up, so that seemed ok to me.

It's a question of whether you see this as a normal type of stage make-up or as something different, more tarty. Afraid I can't help you at all there, as I have no experience of either ballroom dancing or fake tans.

Is it possible to clarify this with the organisers or the "body" who are putting the competition on...?

I know absolutely nothing about dancing, but if the competition is ratified by some sort of National Ballroom dancing body, can you contac them and ask for clarification because you have concerns about the chemicals and the pressure on a pre-teen.

Could it be that there is a team element to it which is why her teacher is inisisting - so all her girls look the same.

I certainly wouldn;t do it.

Exactly Riven......it is a bad image to be reinforced

i've worked in hair and beauty salons since they were brought out i have never ever seen anyone have a reaction ever

i used to dance more disco than ballroom and the nights before in curlers false eyelashes and nails at 12 !!!!! did my head in to do something i essentially loved but is an unfortunate side of it

i recommend no17 self tan mousse its really like doesnt streak and im sure is hypo allergenic and after tow lots of exfolliation its comes right off and developes in two hours so you could apply night before then two showers later its gone

have you tried ebay for second hand costumes also other dance schools may sell there members old costumes i never had a brand new one alsways a second or third owner we were'nt a 500 quid costume family

hth

its really light not really light

but essentially if thats your stance stick to it

YANBU, it shouldn't be about that at all but having said that, when I danced in the eighties we all had to wear thick stage makeup - pancake or panstick? Lurid green eyeshadow, red lipstick and false lashes. My mum, sister and I had to go to the theatre by taxi once and I'm sure the driver thought we were all hookers.

And "American Tan" tights, so yes, bright orange face and legs. Fake tan sounds a lot better actually

wow,didn't expect any more responses. Thanks. To try to answer all the recent comments: I have no problem with stage makeup when on stage - it is necessary because of the lighting and DD does wear makeup when performing on stage. No issue. Fake tans are NOT essential on a normal dancefloor, have been to enough comps, including at Sunday's venue, to know that for a fact.
Whoops, not sure how many 11 year olds you have given fake tans to tho in your salons? Tho TBH, it's more the principle of being told DD will lose points if no fake tan than the risk of reaction. Accept that is minor. We were never told that when she competed in same comp last year - but seems that as they've moved up from Rosette and Stardance to Juvenile, fake tan is "required". That is what I object to most I think. If I'd been told it was a beauty pageant as much as a dance comp, I'd never have entered her.) But as said, not first time at this particular comp and never been an issue before. There is no team element in this comp, it is purely individual, not even the (adult) partners are being judged. Good idea to try to contact the organisers, tho not sure I will change my mind.
DD's usual dress is fine and lovely, just not glittery (cos not allowed in the other comps) we could have got a second hand one I know but really not necessary IMO. I am annoyed because her friend's Mum said she too was making do with normal dress, no point in new one which could only be worn once - then quietly went off and had one made. Her DD let it slip plus that it was over £200, and full of sparkles = much to the Mum's embarrassment tho how she thought I wouldn't realise on Sunday is beyond me. Obviously, new dress is completely up to her but annoyed she had to be so underhand about it. It's not me, more my DD, that has been let down, beign told her friend is wearing similar dress then suddenly she isn't. Such is the nature of these comps, I am finding! I think I need to stick to the other comps which are less about looks and more about dancing and avoid this one like the plague in future. Huge rant, sorry all, as you can see it's still on my mind, thanks for listening.

See what you mean- I'd stick to my guns. I did think when some of dd's friends left her traditional ballet school and went for some modern dance school that it suddenly seemed to be all about looks and make-up and how much glitter your parents are prepared to splash out on rather than on actually perfecting your technique.

My DD performs and competes (possibly against your DD!) Agree with make-up for stage lighting, but wouldn't agree with mandatory fake tan at that age.

YANBU - I pulled DD out of dancing lessons when she was 7 after them needing bright orange face powder and a slutty (IMO) costume - she is a child - they should be marked on ability not whether they look like mini adults!

YANBU. AN eleven year old does not need a fake tan for a dance competition.

YANBU-it is a horrible idea and I am surprised that other parents don't object. It will not make the slightest difference to her dancing-I am sure a good judge can see beyond appearance!

My dd also competes and lots of them do have fake tan and lots of make up. My dd doesn't have the fake tan (as yet!) but does do the make up. I mostly buy costumes second hand or get them made it saves a fortune.
I do love the look of a perfectly turned out dancer. My dd does many forms of dance and make up/tan does feature in some of them. But i still think YANBU, it is up to you what you do!