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Original poster

Harangued by 2 women in Primark today. Horrid experience.

52 replies

tittybangbang · 05/01/2009 21:38

Had taken dc's out for last treat before school and nursery goes back tomorrow. After we binged on Paninis at Cafe Nero I bustled them into Primark to buy some socks and tights for school. Standing in the usual massive queue I was struggling to cope with basket, bags and my two boys (3 and 5), who were bored and who were lolling about. DD (9) went off to find some school trousers and I was trying to keep an eye on her, while conducting a slightly disjointed conversation with an old lady in the queue ahead of me who wanted to show me the tights she was buying for her granddaughter.

I suddenly realised that two women standing at the tills were looking at me and talking about me in loud voices, saying things about me. I looked back and said politely 'Sorry - excuse me?', at which point one of the women started having a go at me. She said my youngest had been lying on the floor and had kicked her, and that I shouldn't let my children be so inconsiderate of other people.

I said 'I'm very sorry - I didn't see him do it. I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose. I do apologise'. At that point, instead of graciously saying 'OK' and turning away, she just kept going, and her friend joined in, raising her voice and jabbing her finger at me. She was being really aggressive. She didn't seem to accept that I'd not seen him do it, and every protestation and apology from me seem to inflame the two of them further. Then the first one switched tack and started saying that I hadn't been watching them, and that I should 'keep my children under control'. The whole queue stood there watching and listening.

At this point I had a big lump in my throat and my two boys had gone really still and quiet. I bent down to my three year old and said 'This lady is really angry with mummy, and she's angry with you because you kicked her. Do you think you could say sorry to her?' which he did, looking her in the face. Reluctantly she acknowledged this apology with an 'OK', and then just turned her back on us and carried on a loud conversation with her friend about slack mothers who can't control their children and how bad it was........

I stood in the queue completely mortified for another five minutes until I could pay. Then I left the shop, steaming.

I've been stewing about it since getting home, and so wishing I'd said something to her about how aggressive her manner was... something like... "You know I felt really sorry that my tired three year old hurt you accidentally, and I wanted to apologise. I should have kept him closer to me. Sometimes as a mum you lose the plot a bit when you're under pressure. I wish I'd seen him do it because I would have said sorry without you needing to prompt me. But the thing is that you've dealt with it in such an inappropriately aggressive and judgmental manner that I'm actually starting to wish he'd kicked you harder. Why don't you learn how to communicate with people?'

OP posts:
ClementFreudsGreatestAdmirer · 05/01/2009 21:41

hideous feeling. i do empathise. it will subside - if you'd said what you wished you'd said and i was in the queue i would have given you my special i'm on your side smile. in fact i would have done that anyway.

MsG · 05/01/2009 21:41

Oh, you poor thing - that sounds awful! I would definitely contact the shop manager - or if one of those was the manager, HER manager or Head Office. I think that sounds really out of order! I'd've been tempted to throw my basket on the floor and storm out. x

fatzak · 05/01/2009 21:41

Oh poor you That would reduce me to tears. Like you I would stew on it all night just wishing that I had said something to her.

I can't cope with agressive people at all.

Anon8 · 05/01/2009 21:42

Hope they read this and realise the unnecessary distress they have caused.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 05/01/2009 21:43

what an utter cow (her, not you )

Joolyjoolyjoo · 05/01/2009 21:44

Ouch! What a moany old witch! (her, not you!) I know what you mean, you always think of something great to say 2 hours later when your mouth isn't flapping in shock. One of my friends had me applauding one time- her big, lollopy puppy dog bounded up to a man at the park, who started on about keeping "that mutt" under control. She apologised and explained he was a puppy and was still learning, but he went on and on, until finally she just said "I have apologised. It's over. Now do shut up!"

bloss · 05/01/2009 21:44

Message withdrawn

TheInnocentBystander · 05/01/2009 21:44

Some people have no idea when to shut the fuck up do they? (them, not you).

Poor you. Have a large baileys and console yourself with the fact you are the nicer better person.

deste · 05/01/2009 21:45

Definitely call the store and complain to the manager.

SlartyBartFast · 05/01/2009 21:45

you can rise above it, much much better that you said less, after less is more!

SlartyBartFast · 05/01/2009 21:46

i don't think the manager could actually do anything about verbal diarrhoea

saadia · 05/01/2009 21:47

That is so horrible, there are a lot of very intolerant people out there who have to spout their ignorant views. Dh resckons that in situations like this the best thing is to laugh, and say something clever (that is the hard part), but I think you did really well and kept your dignity, unlike those venomous women.

BettyTurnip · 05/01/2009 21:47

I like jooly's friend's riposte very much, something like that would probably hit home much more effectively!

WinkyWinkola · 05/01/2009 21:48

You must not let this vile woman upset you anymore.

She is a dickhead and is not worthy of your thoughts. Truly.

Rest assured, the other customers in the shop will have been thinking that she is an idiotic and petty cow of a woman.

What you would have liked to say to her is far too mild and reasonable because she is a stupid woman.

IMO you behaved with absolute grace and dignity and you should be absolutely proud of yourself for not losing your temper.

noonki · 05/01/2009 21:49

oh that made my cry. What is wrong with people. Poor you, I have a three year old and he would find that upsetting. what a nasty bitch.

You definatley did the right thing as had you riled her more she would have been worse whic hwould have upset your kids more.

MillyR · 05/01/2009 21:51

I think you did the say the right thing! Aggressive people actually want a confrontation sometimes. She probably thought you would argue back. It was no doubt the fact that you were gracious enough to apologise that really made her angry.

It was horrible for you, but I bet the queue thought she was the one being unreasonable. I bet there are people who were in that queue who wished they had stuck up for you and went home thinking 'I wish I'd said something!'

treedelivery · 05/01/2009 21:51

Take heart in the knowledge that your completely lovely response to them went over their nasty heads and that had you given them your credit card by way of apology they would still have been ignorant old witches incapable of your level of dignity and breeding.

4andnotout · 05/01/2009 21:54

Oh i wouldnt have been so polite after you had already apologised once, i'd have just told her to get stuffed!

MsG · 05/01/2009 21:56

My DH manages a shop and would certainly want to know if any of his staff treated customers like this and want to deal with it. I'd say it's worth reporting it, if you want to. x

bangandthedirtisgone · 05/01/2009 21:59

They were vile.

Esp the loud bitching about you until you noticed. Nasty, obvious attempt to make you look small. I bet everyone else in the queue thought they were a pair of witches.

SixSpot · 05/01/2009 22:01

Horrible. Sounds like you dealt with it brilliantly, though.

treedelivery · 05/01/2009 22:03

Were they staff or members of the public?

ilovelovemydog · 05/01/2009 22:04

It was staff who treated you like this?

Not sure I understand -- how would a child lying on the floor kick, presumably a woman standing upright? Are you sure she didn't kick your DS first? Or trip? If it was a genuine accident, why was she droning on and on?

If I had to put money on it, I'd say that she isn't telling the truth...

bigspender30 · 05/01/2009 22:07

If I were in that queue, I would have stood up for you. They sound like a right pair of bullies. Rise above it and make sure to complain about their bad attitude.

MilaMae · 05/01/2009 22:13

I had a similar thing happen which did make me cry.

Went into town with the dc to buy school shoes in Sep the boys were 4,4 and dd was 3. We'd gone in on the bus and all of us were excited as first school shoe trip. Went to a cafe as in v early,got drinks went upstairs to get a table. Dd called loudly they've got highchairs mummy(baby obsessed) and a lady got up from a sofa and had an almighty go at me saying she was going downstairs as my dc were v noisy,badly behaved and had ruined the cafe for people who wanted quiet(she was the only one up there).

The dc were so upset that she'd shouted at us and I just felt sick,dd started to cry and what was a lovely morning felt horrible. As she left she hurled more insults saying I needed to go to teaching training college to learn how to control children!!!!!! I was so upset and just sat there not thinking of anything to say.

Now I'm not one to boast about my dc but on this occasion they really were being as good as gold. I felt so upset I asked a member of staff if she felt my dc weren't well behaved enough to come in the cafe. She was lovely and said she recognized my dc and knew they were always
well behaved in said cafe (it's so rare I can treat them they tend to sit dumbstruck). She also said this lady hurled abuse at other people regularly.

The sad thing is dd is too scared to go back in this cafe which is a bit of a pain as it serves fab coffee. The dc and I have now learnt that sadly there are nasty people in the world and we happened to stumble across one of them. I think the reason you and I were both so upset was that our dc witnessed us being verbally attacked and you feel crap for not protecting them from it. It was a very strange feeling, I know if the dc hadn't been there I wouldn't have been half so upset.