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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want pictures of my children on facebook

51 replies

mariemarie · 02/01/2009 22:59

OK,so I know that lots of you are probably happy to put pictures of your family on facebook but me personally, I dont really want pictures of my children on there.

I havent got any pics of them on my facebook however, I have just recently found out (and seen) that DHs sister has put some on there. For years now I havent spoken with his family, they have caused lots of problems for myself & DH over the years and I can only describe them as like something from Jeremy Kyle. One picture in particular has a picture of my twin babies lied on the bed looking at each other and his sister has put the comment on that this was when they had just come out of hospital (one of them was in hospital for quite a few months after being born with very serious health problems) and it is a lovely picture. But, one of her scum bag friends has written a comment next to it in a kind of rhyme that mentions something like "there were two in the bed and one of them said who has shit their nappy".

I told DH about this and he has asked his sis to remove all the pictures. Although I do know that he would have fumbled around this in a nervous way for fear of upsetting them. I checked her facebook a few days later and she had just removed the comments, but not the pictures. I told DH and he just said to leave things but let him know if she puts any more on.

I have just checked again now and the comments are back on. I have had a few glasses of wine so I have messaged her on facebook asking her to remove the comments about my daughters.

I dont know why I am even asking if you think I am being unreasonable because I am so upset at what has been written about my beautiful daughters but I just wondered what you would have done.
Thanks.

OP posts:
LoveMyLapTop · 02/01/2009 23:00

Agreee
Bloody FB

27 · 02/01/2009 23:01

Can you report to facebook and get the pictures removed?
YANBU

Northernlurker · 02/01/2009 23:03

I'm not on facebook so the whole thing could be full of pictures of my daughters and I wouldn't know - which is my point really. How does having pictures of a website harm you? The comments are hardly the height of wit but it says a lot more about them than it does you. You sil obviously cares about your children or why would she have put the photo on there? Is this really worth falling out with her? Don't look at her site - what the eye doesn't see it really, really doesn't grieve over!

Original poster
mariemarie · 02/01/2009 23:04

27 - am not sure how to go about that. I have to watch what I'm doing really for fear of upsetting DH. I know he totally agrees with me over the pictures and was disgusted at the comments but for some reason (which I will never understand) he is treading on eggshells with his family who couldnt give two hoots about his feelings.

OP posts:
Original poster
mariemarie · 02/01/2009 23:07

Northern lurcker, I take your point. However, sil does not care about my children at all. I know that for a fact. They make no effort whatsoever to get in touch with us and can go for 12mths easily without seeing my children.

What it is, is that I have twin daughters and another one very close in age and they look like triplets. They are very cute (I know that sounds like I'm bragging but I'm not) and she just likes to show them off. But as for actually making contact - nothing. We saw them on xmas day and she makes no effort to speak to any of my children. Trust me, if you knew the history you wouldnt think like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
mariemarie · 02/01/2009 23:07

Northern lurcker, I take your point. However, sil does not care about my children at all. I know that for a fact. They make no effort whatsoever to get in touch with us and can go for 12mths easily without seeing my children.

What it is, is that I have twin daughters and another one very close in age and they look like triplets. They are very cute (I know that sounds like I'm bragging but I'm not) and she just likes to show them off. But as for actually making contact - nothing. We saw them on xmas day and she makes no effort to speak to any of my children. Trust me, if you knew the history you wouldnt think like that.

OP posts:
frannikin · 02/01/2009 23:09

YANBU

Your children, your choice.

grumblealltheway · 02/01/2009 23:10

facebook is shit.

Northernlurker · 02/01/2009 23:11

They sound gorgeous - well you know dh's family and what's going on with them and I can see why it's annoying - but honestly I don't think it's worth spending time getting het up over it. The pictures and the comments can't hurt you and your lovely girls and if your sil doesn't speak to them then that is definately her loss. Don't let it eat you up.

Sunshinesmith · 02/01/2009 23:13

Easy peasy !

Do you own the copyright?

Did you take the pic and give it to her?

IF yes- you can report her to Facebook and they will deal with it-

Report both the uploading of the picture and the offensive comments.

Let us know how you get on!

27 · 02/01/2009 23:24

If you look at the photo on facebook, in the bottom right hand corner there is a link to click on to report the picture.

Original poster
mariemarie · 02/01/2009 23:29

I have just been on facebook to report it but it just gives me about 4 options as to why I am reporting it and nothing really fits. Its more to do with reporting the contents of the picture and there is absolutely nothing wrong with the picture. It is the idiots comments that I am upset with

I have just checked his sisters facebook page and my message to her is showing up so does this mean she has been on facebook and seen the message or would it show up anyway? Because the comments are still there.

Think I will leave it until tomorrow evening and then have a word with DH. I have a feeling he will be not be happy about me messaging his sister, he would prefer me to go through him. Incidentally, he hates facebook, he doesnt want to know anything about what his sister and neice are getting up to on there. He wont even look at any of their pictures.

OP posts:
Original poster
mariemarie · 02/01/2009 23:32

By the way sunshinesmith, I would love to do what you have suggested but DH is more than a bit soft when it comes to his family and I think he would think I am taking things too far if I did that.

For some stupid reason he gives them pictures of our children, its as if he wants them to see what they are missing out on. Personally, I would prefer them to miss out, they can offer my children nothing but trouble.

OP posts:
27 · 02/01/2009 23:35

If you have put it on her wall then the fact that you can see it does not mean that she has. It will have gone up as soon as you posted it.
Her facebook friends will be able to see a message potsed to her wall.

nappyaddict · 02/01/2009 23:36

Is her FB page private? If so only her friends will be able to see the photos.

oldraver · 02/01/2009 23:40

If you want to send her a message you dont want others to see send her a PM. I think you can remove a comment you made on her wall if you want

Original poster
mariemarie · 02/01/2009 23:47

nappyaddict - yes her page is only available to friends but she has 200 of them and if you saw any of them you wouldnt want to be their friend.

The ignorant git who wrote the comment on the picture is one of her "friends".

OP posts:
Kimi · 02/01/2009 23:49

I am with you on this, I do not put photos of my sons on face book and I would not allow anyone else to do so.

I would have a very tecky friend of mine deleate anyones face book that put up photos of my children as he is the god of hacking.

I think your DH needs to make it very clear that this is not on, an do not send his family any photos of your beautiful daughters.

Kimi · 02/01/2009 23:49

I am with you on this, I do not put photos of my sons on face book and I would not allow anyone else to do so.

I would have a very tecky friend of mine deleate anyones face book that put up photos of my children as he is the god of hacking.

I think your DH needs to make it very clear that this is not on, an do not send his family any photos of your beautiful daughters.

branflake81 · 03/01/2009 08:11

I truly don't see the problem with her having pictures of your kids online. It's a bit odd if she is not close to them and the comments are a bit out of line but in terms of the actual photos being there I think YABU.

NAB3lovelychildren · 03/01/2009 08:16

YANBU

Your children, your rights, fgs.

mumto2andnomore · 03/01/2009 09:37

I would just let it go, not worth worrying about.Its not harming your children, just dont look at the photos if it bothers you.

Nekabu · 03/01/2009 10:20

I presume you're on her friends list then if you can see them? I would ask her directly to remove them, not just the comments but the photos, and to please not put any more back on. If she doesn't then I would complain to Facebook. There's enough fuss about photographs of children for a complaint by a mother to be taken notice of.

Hulababy · 03/01/2009 10:32

I wouldn't like other people yo upload photos of my DD without me knowing if they were on open access. If access is set to just friends I have no problem.

ahfeckit · 03/01/2009 10:45

you don't have to use Facebook, no one is holding a gun to your head to use the site. Honestly, why do folk get so upset about it. If you didn't use it then you wouldn't have anything to get upset over!

This is one of many examples why FB is a pile of cack.