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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want pictures of my children on facebook

51 replies

mariemarie · 02/01/2009 22:59

OK,so I know that lots of you are probably happy to put pictures of your family on facebook but me personally, I dont really want pictures of my children on there.

I havent got any pics of them on my facebook however, I have just recently found out (and seen) that DHs sister has put some on there. For years now I havent spoken with his family, they have caused lots of problems for myself & DH over the years and I can only describe them as like something from Jeremy Kyle. One picture in particular has a picture of my twin babies lied on the bed looking at each other and his sister has put the comment on that this was when they had just come out of hospital (one of them was in hospital for quite a few months after being born with very serious health problems) and it is a lovely picture. But, one of her scum bag friends has written a comment next to it in a kind of rhyme that mentions something like "there were two in the bed and one of them said who has shit their nappy".

I told DH about this and he has asked his sis to remove all the pictures. Although I do know that he would have fumbled around this in a nervous way for fear of upsetting them. I checked her facebook a few days later and she had just removed the comments, but not the pictures. I told DH and he just said to leave things but let him know if she puts any more on.

I have just checked again now and the comments are back on. I have had a few glasses of wine so I have messaged her on facebook asking her to remove the comments about my daughters.

I dont know why I am even asking if you think I am being unreasonable because I am so upset at what has been written about my beautiful daughters but I just wondered what you would have done.
Thanks.

OP posts:
TsarHumbug · 03/01/2009 10:45

I completely agree. I would be very unhappy too.

I wouldn't be surprised if this doesn't happen all the time though. People seem to be able to put what they like on their FB page can't they? There should be more restrictions, although how they could be enforced goodness knows.

It's a nice idea but FB can lead to all sorts of upset and mischief. I am avoiding it like the plague.

Dh's uncle has just 'discovered' it and is FBing like no tomorrow. I am waiting for a similiar situation to occur with our dc. People get carried away and think it's harmless fun but it's taking a big old liberty if you don't see it that way.

ahfeckit · 03/01/2009 10:49

i already know two folk who use FB and are going through discliplinary hearings with their work (had to get legal help) all because of a so-called 'innocent' comment made on their FB sites (two seperate unrelated cases).

I've also avoided using such sites, it just breeds problems. Most people just don't see it yet that's all...

dietstartstomorrow · 03/01/2009 10:51

I think people should think a bit more before putting pictures on FB.

I do put pics of my kids on mine, however I would never put anyone elses on there.

YANBU

SH27 · 03/01/2009 10:53

YANBU my DS did the same and put pictures of my DCs on her Facebook page. I was really cross and asked her nicely if she would remove them and she got a but funny as couldn't see what the fuss was. She diesn't have DCs so I assume this is why she couldn't see why I was annoyed. She has about 200 friends on Facebook most of whom I don't know and didn't want them looking a photos of my DCs.

Original poster
mariemarie · 03/01/2009 20:54

Tsarhumbug funnily enough I do realise that no one is holding a gun to my head. I think you are missing my point, which is, I do not want my SIL or anyone else putting pictures of my children on the internet.

My main gripe is the ignorant comments that her "friend" has put and the fact that she thinks its acceptable to leave these on for all her 200 friends to see. I dont find these funny and nor would you if was relating to your daughter who had just come out of hospital after major heart surgery.

Her facebook site is only accessible to "friends" but she has 200 of these. I know for a fact that one of these "friends" has been in jail for armed robbery so does that give you an idea of the kind of people that are looking and commenting at the pictures of my children.

Incidentally, I have just checked her FB page and the pics and comments are still there. I have just told DH and he got angry with me (!!) and asked what the bloody hell I expected him to do seeing as he has already asked her in the past to remove these and I have messaged her on FB yesterday. It has caused a row between us and he has now agreed to speak to her again.

This also tells you what kind of a person she is, having been asked twice now to remove this yet its still there. DH doesnt want to fall out with her but I couldnt care less, I will not back down on this.

OP posts:
Original poster
mariemarie · 03/01/2009 22:57

Sorry, the above message was meant for ahfeckit, not tsarhumbug, have just re-read the posts and realised I have muddled up the posts. Sorry girls. x

OP posts:
Nekabu · 04/01/2009 09:27

What a baggage! I'd stop going via your husband, she's your family now too and you should just approach her directly. If she doesn't take the photos off and doesn't reply to your message (and you can see she's been on because she's updated something, it's not just that she hasn't logged on yet) then phone her and say please take them off and if she says no or shilly shallies, then just say you'll go direct to Facebook.

You have thrown down the gauntlet. You've asked her to do something and (so far, though it may be she just hasn't seen your message yet) she's ignored it. You either show her that no, you will not be tolerating this, or you let her carry on regardless of your wishes.

I agree with you and wouldn't want photos on there, certainly other than on my own page. It takes two seconds for someone to right click and save them out. If you want them on your page and viewable by your friends then that's different.

ahfeckit · 04/01/2009 12:35

I honestly don't see what all the fuss is about. why bother using social networking in the first place. if you didn't have a page, you'd have nothing to worry about and your relatives wouldn't be able to post photos from your page if you didn't have one to begin with.each to their own...

StayFrosty · 04/01/2009 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kwani · 04/01/2009 13:01

I've got pictures of ds on my Facebook page which can only be seen by my friends all of whom are genuinely friends not people I met once a decade ago. If anyone else put pictures of him on their page I would be absolutely fuming & would not wait for dh to sort it out. Complain to Facebook & tell her yourself to take the pictures down.

PavlovtheCat · 04/01/2009 13:01

I am on facebook, and have pictures of my DD on, accessible only to friends, not to friends of friends. I also have a couple of relatives, but I only ever put these up with their permission first, it is rude not to!!!

If you were not on facebook, she would still be able to put pictures up of your DD on her profile. I guess at least this way you can monitor what she is putting up and what is being said.

I would agree to find away to report to FB people and get them removed. Rude people.

nappyaddict · 04/01/2009 13:04

Kwani - My profile is set to private. I only have genuine friends on there. I put pics up of DS. My friends put pics up of their kids on their profiles (also set to private) so presume they don't mind pics of their kids on facebook and if any other children are in photos with DS I still put them up. However it seems you wouldn't be happy with that? Hmmm perhaps I should ask them if they mind. Never really thought about it before.

ahfeckit · 04/01/2009 19:10

Apologies. what I thought was that the SIL had copied the pictures from the OPs FB page and then transferred them to her own...
If she had already photos of the babies from her own camera, and THEN posted them up on her FB page without getting permission from the OP then I can understand now what the upset is.

Kwani · 04/01/2009 19:43

nappyaddict - don't think I explained myself very well. I've got a picture of my niece with ds on my Facebook page which I didn't ask my sister about but I'm close to my sister. If someone I wasn't close to, like in the case of the OP & her SIL, put pictures of ds on Facebook that would make me angry.

kslatts · 04/01/2009 19:53

I have lots of photo's of my dd's on facebook, but wouldn't put pictures of other children without asking the parents first.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 04/01/2009 20:01

I have lots of pictures of my little girl on my facebook profile, but my profile is private, and I only have about 40 friends on there, about 20 are workmates who I see daily (and pop in with DD on days off) and the rest are family / close friends.
You can make your pictures even more private, when you creat the album, you can choose who sees it. Obviously that doesn't help the OP as it is not her profile.

whitechocchip · 04/01/2009 20:29

I have exactly the same problem at the moment with DP's family.

DP's family have put pictures of my Dc's on FB, to which I think is a cheek, as I havent been asked if I mind. I don't care if other members of he's family want to put pic's for all to see but my children are mine and I should be able to choose who sees personal pictures of them!

My arguement is that I don't know her friends so why should they be able to see pictures of my DC's. My DC's are precious to me and I should be able to choose who see thems. My children are on my profile but its set to private and only MY FRIENDS and FAMILY can see them. I find it so disrespectful that someone can take it upon themselves to upload pics of my DC for all to see! Especially if they're profile is open!

I sent the person a message and asked them to remove my DC's from the album and when I didnt get a response I emailed again, and finally got a response! If I hadnt I would have made DP ring and tell them the problem! As you can see from the above I have strong views on this and it would have caused an arguement if I had spoke to them

I personally feel that FB should be doing more to stop this by giving more options in the report this picture option. I would glad let them know when a pic of my DC is on there without my permission!

Original poster
mariemarie · 04/01/2009 20:40

Well girls, I have a result at last.

DH text his sister last night to tell her to remove ALL pictures from her FB page of our children. The texts were flowing and the last one she sent him just said "get a life".
She is totally ignorant to our reasons, which is not surprising coming from someone who would quite happily let her 10year old daughter sleep at her ex-boyfriends ex-wifes parents house on new years eve because she was so desperate to get out with her friends and she had no babysitter. I kid you not! She is 39 by the way!! Honestly, how my DH has turned out so good is nothing short of a miracle.

But, Ive just checked her FB page and they are gone, so thats all that matters now. So am much happier.

Grrrrr, why do people make things so difficult.

OP posts:
FairyMum · 04/01/2009 20:42

I have pictures of my children on my facebook-page, but would never ever put any up any pictures of other peoples children.

nappyaddict · 04/01/2009 22:38

whitechocchip - would it have bothered you if their profile was private like yours? would it still have bothered you if they were someone you were close to?

leoleosuperstar · 04/01/2009 22:54

YANBU

I am exactly the same and have had to ask various people to remove pictures. It is a little when they have pictures of their children because it comes across like you are judging them when your not you just don't want you dc's all over facebook.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 05/01/2009 19:23

While I can see why people get cross about this, I do think that sometimes it is a little precious, sorry!
My SIL has pictures of my DD on her profile and can be seen by her friends, whom I dont know. But it is no different to her having pictures displayed at her home and the friends visiting, surely?
Obviously in the OP's case, I understand it was the comments that made it worse.

Nekabu · 05/01/2009 21:24

Just to put a different slant on the whole having photos on the internet thing. If photos of your child are on someone else's page, at best they will have friends viewing it that you don't know and at worse they won't have set a privacy limit and Uncle Tom Cobbley & all will be able to see them. It takes two seconds to right click on a photo and save it out to disk. That person then has that photo until they decide to delete it. What they do with it is outside your control ...

ahfeckit · 06/01/2009 18:50

i think that's what soo soo many people just don't think about here. there's a sinister side to facebook/internet, people choose to ignore this though and carry on posting pics of their kids. anyone can see them, it's easy for some people to hack into your page and view photos of your kids (even with your 'private' status), it's happened to various people's pages in the past.
shudder, shudder

Bubbaluv · 06/01/2009 18:59

OFGS!

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