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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect dh's family to know you can't give whole peanuts to a 2 year old?

50 replies

LovelyBertha · 02/01/2009 16:05

I genuinely don't know if I've stewed about this for long enough to blow it completely out of proportion- please tell me if I am right to be upset, or if I should get over it, because it's really not that important.

We're at PIL's house over xmas. BIL & SIL are there too. I go upstairs for somthing, and leave DS with them (DH isn't there at the time). I come downstairs to find DS and nephew (who is also 2) helping themselves to peanuts from a big bowl that has been put on the coffee table, as they play a game that involves running around the room. I say 'can we put this up here please?' and move the nuts where they can't reach them. SIL law says 'why, is he allergic?'. I say that no, he's not allergic, but they might choke. I explain you're not really supposed to give whole nuts to kids under 4- to which SIL replies 'Well, I've never heard that before', MIL says 'neither have I' and FIL says 'Rubbish!'.

I now feel reluctant to ever leave ds in their care. I suddenly feel like my son's own family are not capable of taking care of him, and it has really upset me. I don't think I'm over protective, this is pretty basic stuff isn't it?

OP posts:
morocco · 02/01/2009 16:07

no need for fil to be so blunt in his opinions but I'd say many families would let their kids eat nuts before the age of 4 and not think much of it.
I'd be a bit concerned about allergies but have let dd have nuts before now.

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/01/2009 16:09

I can top that. Went to parents yesterday, grandmother passes round plate of snacks including peanut cookies. DS has peanut allergy, BTW. When I told DS to put down the piece of cake he had chosen from underneath the cookies, grandmother looked at me as if I was mad and told DS to eat it if he wanted to.

Aaargh!!!

sarah293 · 02/01/2009 16:09

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Blondeshavemorefun · 02/01/2009 16:09

never heard dont give nuts to under 4's?

a 2yr should be quite capable of eating them, i have often given them to 2 yrs, but obv am in same room INCASE they choked but understand your concern and pil should have moved them

AliceTheCamelHasGotTheHump · 02/01/2009 16:10

I didn't know about no nuts before 4 because of choking.

Acinonyx · 02/01/2009 16:10

Is it? Dd has been eating nuts since she was 2 (she's now 3.5). It's not a 'law' - just advice surely. I don't like her to have boiled sweets for this reason - but I wouldn't be surprised if others felt differently.

ComeWhineWithMe · 02/01/2009 16:11

I gave my dd (she is 3 tomorrow) a peanut on xmas eve because she saw her siblings having some and we have no history of allergies and she has had peanut butter before.

But I watched her like a hawk and no way would I have put them in easy reach of her or let her run round with them.

YANBU.

lalalonglegs · 02/01/2009 16:13

My children all ate nuts from that age and probably a bit younger. Just as likely to choke on a grape or a kidney bean (both of which they also eat with varying degrees of enthusiasm).

MrsMerryHenry · 02/01/2009 16:13

I wouldn't expect anyone who's had kids pre about year 2000 to know this. Certainly not your DH's parents.

BlackEyedDogstar · 02/01/2009 16:15

I'm sure I gave DS nuts at this age. I wouldn't stop his family babysitting. Perhaps if you have a few Rules you should let them know them so they don't make future slip-ups (from your viewpoint).

ByThePowerOfBaileys · 02/01/2009 16:16

I have given my little ones nuts way before the age of 4.

countingto10 · 02/01/2009 16:17

There are warnings on packets that small children can choke on them - just show them the packet. That should be all you need to shut them up.

Original poster
LovelyBertha · 02/01/2009 16:18

Okay, fair enough, I'm being unreasonable. It was mainly the running around whilst eating them that upset me- but you've convinced me I should chill out about this one

OP posts:
themulledmanneredjanitor · 02/01/2009 16:19

my mum was shocked that i allowed my 5 year old peanuts this christmas. apparently you shouldn't give them to under 7's because if they DO choke their lungs create a toxin that will poison them...

kayzr · 02/01/2009 16:19

Its advised to not give children under the age of 5 nuts. As my HV keeps telling me again and again. 5 times in a half hour visit, just because I had a bag of peanuts in my kitchen.

Lulumama · 02/01/2009 16:21

I don;t think you are being unreasonable

they are a choking hazard and a potential allergen

i remember not being allowed nuts as a 3 -4 year old, whihc was a looooong time befor 2000

TLESinChristmasStockings · 02/01/2009 16:24

I have given ds2 nuts and he is 15m. ok so i break bits off for him rather than give him the whole thing in one go. I also gave ds1 them but stopped when he was diagnosed as asthmatic, but that was a personal choice.

spongebrainbigpants · 02/01/2009 16:26

Even if they didn't know they should have respected your decision - regardless of what they thought. But this doesn't surprise me, my PILs are exactly the same and have no respect for my parenting.

Result? They will not be looking after my DS on their own anytime soon.

Their fault.

YANBU if you do the same.

sarah293 · 02/01/2009 16:32

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MrsMerryHenry · 02/01/2009 20:32

Riven's right - the daughter of a friend of mine choked on breastmilk and nearly went blue.

abbierhodes · 02/01/2009 20:54

I'm 28 and wasn't allowed nuts under 5. Not sure why,assumed it was to do with choking, but I don't give them to my kids, and would agree that it's a pretty basic rule. I have a big extended family and they'd all do the same.

StealthPo09IsHere · 02/01/2009 20:57

i remember being allowed peanuts a about the age of 5 or 6, with my dad. I had to have the half ones and he would eat the whole ones

chloemegjess · 02/01/2009 21:03

Riven - that is really sad. How old is he? Grapes are another thing to be wary of though, although not sure on the actual age. I know you are meant to cut them up which is what I do for DD.

Sycamoretree · 02/01/2009 21:06

I think YAB a bit U.

I thought peanuts were just a no no before 12 months because of poss allergic reaction. And I've got 2 DCs, 3 and 16 months and have been on MN for 2 years and consider myself a fully paid up member of the wanky organic brigade...

I'm not saying I'm right, I'm just saying that if I can not have the right info (so it seems) then neither might you IL's.

But they didn't need to be so rude - but they might just have been a bit embarrassed and defensive?

kittywise · 02/01/2009 21:09

YABU I would say, all my kids have been allowed whole nuts after 12 months.