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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be irritated at my sil feeding my 3 month old unweaned baby?

45 replies

ipanemagirl · 02/01/2009 00:02

So weird, she was having a cuddle and I just saw her wiping some food into dd's mouth. sil was a little pissed I think. I was too angry to say anything and just went over and collected dd, I have no idea what she was feeding her.

I could have smacked her I was so mad!

OP posts:
Hangingbellyofbabylon · 02/01/2009 00:04

no yanbu - I would be seriously pissed off.

NorthernLurker · 02/01/2009 00:05

Does she have children of her own? Seems a very strange thing to be doing.

MillyR · 02/01/2009 00:10

Drunk people shouldn't hold babies.

ScottishMummy · 02/01/2009 00:16

nor should drunken people feed babies

Original poster
ipanemagirl · 02/01/2009 00:18

she was safe to hold her, sitting down and all but I hadn't really noticed how much she'd had to drink really until she started wiping something into dd's mouth! She has no kids but is a dr so really should know better.
I guess some people feed other people's dogs under the table and she just figured dd was a kind of pet on her lap!

I was actually too shocked to say anything and there were loads of family all around, it would have been very noticeable/awkward to shout "Don't feed my baby you arrogant know nothing beatch!!" which is what I felt like shouting, particularly with a finger that had been not washed for how ever long!. She's only 3 months.
But I also hate it when people stick their FINGERS in dd's mouth what is wrong with people?

OP posts:
Ratface · 02/01/2009 00:26

what an odd thing to do. wouldnt occur to me in a million years to feed a baby i was holding for someone else. v odd.

i understand the powerful chest beating 'hands off my baby, bitch' reaction... tis hormonal i think.

think id find another time to casually say to sil, 'you do know that feeding 3mo babies anything other than milk is a really bad idea dont you? no? well, it is, honestly. please dont.'

Original poster
ipanemagirl · 02/01/2009 00:30

Ratface, if it was anyone else I probably would say something but I don't think anyone else would do it and also she's a bloody paediatrician and quite a senior one I'm told. Very odd, maybe she was much more smashed than I realised! I keep a much keener eye on her now. She's also one of those who goes and picks dd out of her cot if she's crying... um.... best to check with the parents love!

OP posts:
MillyR · 02/01/2009 00:32

Did you ask her why she had done it? It is very odd.

Original poster
ipanemagirl · 02/01/2009 00:37

No I just went into a sort of low key but primitive seek and retrieve child, I just walked briskly over and picked baby out of her hands and walked away and kind of went a bit blank, I was just too annoyed to do anything else, don't even know if anyone else noticed. But later when we went to bed I ranted like a madwoman at dh in a really quiet whispery way!
Some things are just too weird to respond to. It's as if you can't believe it's happened so you kind of pretend it hasn't!
I must chill out about it but it is irritating particularly because of her job. But I think it's her job that makes her generally fairly presumptious about everything to do with dd, it's really very boring of her. She's got that superconfidence of the young medical type, a real know it all thing. But what can you do?

OP posts:
SittingBull · 02/01/2009 00:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
ipanemagirl · 02/01/2009 01:03

no because she said "Oh I'm just weaning her early!" in a hearty kind of jokey way as I 'collected' dd off her lap! Nutter.

OP posts:
MillyR · 02/01/2009 01:06

I think it is creepy and disturbing. I know that sounds a bit OTT, but it is a gut reaction.

Why on earth would anyone do that?

thumbwitch · 02/01/2009 01:08

YANBU at all, I would have had a fit. And if she is a paediatrician then you could say "well I thought of all people you would have known better!" Outrageous - whoever she is and whatever she does, it's soooo not her place to put anything into your DD's mouth without your express say-so!

SittingBull · 02/01/2009 01:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
ipanemagirl · 02/01/2009 01:18

we'd actually mentioned the world health org thing (6 months until solids) the day before, she's academically very bright, I think she was just away with the fairies, had had more to drink then she ought to have done and wasn't quite aware of what she's doing. she was totally 'off duty' so I guess was just being her human self and not thinking clearly.
But I agree, it IS weird and I will be much more vigilant around her. Also to be fair to her, in an emergency I suspect she'd be a fab doc, it's just a weird etiquette thing really.

OP posts:
theSuburbanDryad · 02/01/2009 01:26

I would be furious if anyone did this - not least because at 3 months you don't know what food intolerances your dd might have! We didn't know that ds was going to have a mild dairy intolerance, but it could have been pretty bloody serious if someone had started giving him cheese or yoghurt at 3 months. 3 months ffs - that's not even 17 weeks, the lowest recommended age for weaning!

I know that a lot of dr's feel the WHO guidelines are for 3rd world countries only - my GP was pretty astonished when I told her we were waiting until 6 months to wean ds! But there is never any excuse for giving a baby food which you haven't cleared with its parents first, ever. Even before I had children I would never have done that, as you never know if children have allergies - after all, a chocolate button may look really harmless but if a child has a sever nut allergy it could be fatal!

Ooooh I'm cross for you! I wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut!

Original poster
ipanemagirl · 02/01/2009 01:31

I've noticed that my inlaw relatives are all mesmerised by dd staring at food, they talk as if she's ravenous and wants to eat it. Like I'm going to consult dd about what she should eat based on her communicating with me through staring at things...!!!!
I think people think babies are starving and bf is somehow inadequate. But dd is as chubby and healthy looking as a Buddha, clearly no danger of wasting away.
I also can't believe I didn't say anything but I was so shocked and so angry I couldn't say anything or hope to temper what I did say for the occasion. But I do wonder what she fed her but am trying not to think about it now, dd is fine and had no abnormal response!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ipanemagirl · 02/01/2009 01:34

If I fed dd everthing she stared at i would need to feed her her own brother, her own fingers, her feet, myself and her dad. She particularly dribbles with raging hunger when she looks at her dad and her musical stuffed soft puppy toy thing.

OP posts:
theSuburbanDryad · 02/01/2009 01:41

I used to tell my IL's that ds watched me read but I wasn't about to start teaching him phonics!

Babies dribble and stare at things gormlessly - it's what they do. I remember my MIL trying to give ds some strawberry cheesecake when he was 2 weeks old and i told her (very sharply) that I hoped she knew how to do the Heimlich maneuver on an infant!

Original poster
ipanemagirl · 02/01/2009 01:51

my in laws like yours... desperate to feed babies!

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 02/01/2009 15:07

yanbu

3mths is too young to be waened, 16weeks is the youngest i would doIF they were waking up and obv not settled after having milk

you sounds very relaxed, i would have flipped!!

what did she feed out of curiosty?

mymanicandi · 02/01/2009 15:52

This reminds me of when my dd was about the 15 weeks. My mil always used to go on about her "starving", and kept giving her food wen I wasnt in the room.One day we went to visit and there was a jar of baby food on the side. I had told her she wasnt ready to be weaned yet, but she never mentioned the jar so I kept quiet. She waited until we had finished dinner then said, Ive got something for dd producing said jar! She then gave it to oh said, go on you feed her. So he did. I stupidly sat there livid and never said a word whilst they each fed her. I had wanted to take photos etc when she had her first meal and I felt cheated out of that experience. When it was my 'turn' i just said shes had enough and there was a stony silence and they took the the huff as usual! Anyway, I really wish I had said something now so I think you shouldtoo. I thinkbeing assertive in this situation stops people taking the mickey later on.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/01/2009 16:11

mymanicandi - you were silly not to say anything imho, and you just allowed them to feed your baby

first meal should be baby rice and NOTHING else!!

def not a jar ffs!!

lovelysongbirdie · 02/01/2009 16:12

irritated? i would have been fuming!

mymanicandi · 02/01/2009 16:34

Blondeshavemorefun, I know I should have said something but mil is very domineering and well, I was stupid! I am so much more assertive now because the inlaws have basically took the piss since dd was born and I wont put up with it any more. It was one sneaky, manipulative thing after another at the the time and I didnt feel strong enough to say no. I have regretted it ever since. Also I felt I would be undermining oh as he was pretty clueless when it came to weaning and he was the one feeding her at first. I think it was a turning point for me as I was livid and from then on have spoken up when people take liberties with my pfb .