and ungrateful? Or justified, even slightly?

[chickydee]

Today is my birthday, and i have hated having my birthday on this day for many years, and for what may seem like stupid reasons, but they are my reasons,
anyway, dh knows this, and in the early years of our marriage he didn't bother one year to buy me anything,so i stamped my feet, cried etc, and he sort of learnt from that not to do it again.
So, this year i buy him a new wedding ring for xmas, i chose it, got it engraved and put alot of thought into it, and he left buying my birthday pressi til after xmas,put NO thought into it atall,got me pj's from the kids (which are lovely and what i wanted), and then 2 days ago told me to choose some slippers in the shop, and that was it. We got home, i cried and said "you know its my birthday coming up, and its the one day you can make the effort to show you appreciate me" so he said i was ungrateful, and bogged off to asda to buy me...socks, a cd, 2 bottles of wine.
Thing is i do appreciate it all, but i didn't want him to buy me loads of "stuff", just one thing that says "i love and appreciate you" would be nice.
He never buys mne anything at any other time of year, i do EVERYTHING in the house for him and the kids, and i just feel pissed off, so am i an ungrateful spoilt bitch?
And am i bu?

YANBU, everyone needs to be made to feel appreciated and loved.

I totally get what you mean about not wanting lots of stuff, its just about that one gesture that makes you feel like he loves you and thinks you are wonderful.

Unfortunately men just don't get it, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love and appreciate you though, just that he is crap at showing it.

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY [GRIN][GRIN]

Happy birthday to you

yanbu

I'm with you

My birthdays not for a few days but I do find people can't be arsed after christmas.
I'm pretty sure dh hasnt bothered to get me anything. My best present was a mango. I had said in the past I had never had one and he had remembered and gone and got me one. It cost pennies. He also has a habit of buying things like tickets to shows that I wouldnt mind seeing but he would love. Next time I'm tempted to take mil with the other ticket.

Happy Birthday

(didn't want to put it on my rant post )

like the mil dea bronze poetic justice

idea sp

You are not being unreasonable at all to be upset. Everyone needs to feel loved and appreciated and it doesn't seem that he shows you that.

Unfortunately, some people just don't put much of an onus on gift buying and birthdays and the likes.

Make him pay for it though

bronze that made me smile, a mango???!!!Jeeze. I am glad that you haven't all told me i am a spoilt ungrateful cow!
It's like for his birthday (week before xmas) his mother sends him a tenners worth of scratchcards, my mother gave him 20 quid but for my birthday his mother just sends me a card.
I have some lovely freinds who know how bad it is having a birthday just after xmas, and I am ok,I just wish he wouldn'y leave it to last minute!
I did ask for some leather gloves,but he reckoned he couldn't decide if they would fit me,i asked for a charm for my mobile,he thought that was stupid!
One year he bought me a frost cover for my car, so i suppose i should just shut up and put up now!
thanks all for the birthday wishes xx

The thing is, to me, a present ought to say
'I saw this and thought of you'

Not 'Oh shit I forgot to get the wife a present, I'll just get her any old tat'

So YANBU. The hurtful thing is he clearly didn't think about what would have made you smile and feel loved And it needn't have been anything expensive!

happy birthday yanbu its nice to feel appreciated even if it wasnt with a present him running you a bath cooking you a dinner etc

my dp can be the same but he can also do lovely things without being asked when it comes to buying a present for an occasion

i would say just because some people choose to do things and others dont thats up to them you dont give to expect something in return such as the mum thing some parents only see to ther eown children ansd others like to do more for others but thats a personal choice

enjoy the rest of your day i hope x

He's male ... make it easy for him to get it right and next year give him a list of 'Things I would like for my birthday' and let him choose from that. That way he has no excuse!

Don't do everything in the house for him and the kids; then you won't feel he 'owes' you so much or so resentful. The house is his responsibility too, unless he doesn't live in it!

I think it does sound like he's been pretty thoughtless but IMO it's no good getting angry about this. Tell him in about October exactly what you would like next year!

How old are your DCs? I ask because, since DD1 was 3, I have received a beautiful bunch of flowers for my b'day (just before Christmas) as she insists Daddy takes her out to buy them. Might be time to hook them into sorting him out? (Tho' mind you, it's always made absolutely clear that the flowers are from DD1, not from Daddy ).

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday dear chickydee,
Happy birthday to you!

Oh... and YANBU.. one little bit

Happy Birthday and I hope that there was a few happy thoughts and not none on a potentially memorable day.

I can't think of anything practical to suggest. Sometimes doing nothing is doing something and saying nothing is also an answer.... a reaction like that might make a person think about why you haven't reacted.

Thanks again all of you, all those of you who suggest i tell him what i want.....I DO!
He just doesn;t listen OR thinks it's not really what I want.
He has done evrything for me today tho, so i cant complain,But I have a cd that i didn't really want and 2 bottles of pink lambrini, when I have had the hangover from hell today lol.
And thanks for the song ineedmorechocolatenow, cheered me up xx

oh Poledra my dc are 12 (girl) and 6 (boy), my daughter did drag him to town the weekend before xmas to buy my pj's, bless her. I WILL get them all sorted one day.
It's my 40th next year, that really will depress me lol

lets just say if that happened at hellymelly heights there would be a husband sleeping in the chicken shed.Happy birthday to you and no you are not,not ,not being unreasonable.

Book yourself a weekend away and leave him in charge for a full 72 hours. Do not prep the chidrens clothes or do the ironing before you go. Just go.

That sorts the men from the boys, I can tell you. He'll farkin' well appreciate you after that - I know, I've done it - it works!

I second doodle's idea

can I ask why you do everything in the house?

Doodle2u what a bloody fantastic idea. I am thinking of going away for a couple of nights for my 39 1/2th birthday in june but keep thinking,he wont cope, the kids will get totally neglected etc etc but i think sod it, might just do it now!
Thnaks x

Hurrayyy!! go and book something now!!!!