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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sooooooo mad at this women for this???????????????

55 replies

theboob · 31/12/2008 17:47

just had a phone call from a woman who's DP is in my class at college

we sit next to each other most lessons because we were in the same classes last year too,it was his birthday and everyone in the class got him a card so i did to,i signed it lots of love as i do in all cards no XXXXX or anything like that

she has just acused me of having an affair with him and fancying him
we have been shopping together and our babies have played together i just feel so that she would think this as i thought we were friends,and not to mention i'm married with 3 DC
so what do i do now,never speak to him again so she is happy,she also attends this college but is a year behind me ,cant belive im getting so much hassle for nothing

sorry rant over

OP posts:
MegSophandEmma · 31/12/2008 18:27

Boobin I alway sign cards with love too and the end of my texts with a kiss as you know. It means naff all. This is an excuse to kick off thats all. I have had the looks too aswell as Emma and also he was made to remove us from facebook at one point too. It's silly.

Original poster
theboob · 31/12/2008 18:27

yeah it is poor him,thought she was a bit unstable when she started screaming at a poor tutor in her class when she thought she was taking the mick out of her

loon

OP posts:
Ashantai · 31/12/2008 19:24

Crikey the poor bloke must be on eggshells around her all the time! Or maybe he has had an affair in the past which has made her jumpy!

namechangedsorryimsuchawimp · 31/12/2008 20:07

just a possibility but they may have had a bad experience in the past without either of them being at fault.

DH had a stalker a few years ago - he's very open and friendly but 100% honest and trustworthy, and his friendliness can sometimes be taken the wrong way. We've had it happen twice now, one time with the police involved - people at work find he is easy to talk to, one started sending him presents home for our DC the other sitting outside the house. Both ended up with screaming matches that he didn't love them anymore. He is completely unaware and naive until he gets in too deep at which point both have threatened to kill themselves. We now have an arrangement by where any female 'friends' get vetted by me first and any cards or presents get brought home to show me so I can act as his radar for when to back off. it has made me jumpy and although I wouldn't have handled it this way a girl signing 'lots of love' would ring major alarm bells for us now.

KatieMorag · 31/12/2008 20:19

sorry, but i think that the stalker thing happeneing TWICE would ring alarm bells for me too

namechangedsorryimsuchawimp · 31/12/2008 20:26

I do see your point KatieMorag and initially raised the same question (what woman wouldn't?) but it just isn't him. He did learn his lesson a bit as the second never developed into full stalking, the first threatened me and ended up with a court injunction to keep her distance. DH is just that way in his whole life - can't be trusted to take the car to the mechanic either as he just trusts whatever is said - would never dawn on him that someone might have an ulterior motive! .

Original poster
theboob · 31/12/2008 20:29

well i am not a stalker ,no bad experencies at all i only know this as they were only together 4 weeks before she got pregnant with their DD ,info she gave me

he never leaves her side and she also told me she never been cheated on in the past

defo not a stalker

OP posts:
Original poster
theboob · 31/12/2008 20:31

i have a friend who had that happen too and in the end it turned out to be a 2 year affair and he had to come clean to his wife that this woman was not a loon but had been seeing her

OP posts:
namechangedsorryimsuchawimp · 31/12/2008 20:43

Sorry about your friend, but lol! I'd like to know when DH would have time for an affair! I know everyone he works with (used to work there) and he's never late home. A sad sign of the times that you guys are right - affairs are very common - but very wrong (although I'm sure you just think I'm deluded) and he really isn't having an affair .

I wasn't suggesting you are a stalker theboob just postulating for those claiming that he must be having an affair, that they may have had bad experiences in the past. She does sound terribly insecure if that is the case, well done for keeping your cool!

Original poster
theboob · 01/01/2009 00:13

well i have to keep my cool 1 she is a nutter and 2 i love college and there is no way that i want my tutors thinking im a nutter lol

but will be very interesting when term starts again,was not suggesting your DH is having an affair just that many a man will lead theie wifes to belive they are the victims when they are very much involved

OP posts:
MegSophandEmma · 01/01/2009 09:44

No no Booby you are a nutter hun we musn't hide this fact now hehehehe

Original poster
theboob · 01/01/2009 12:35

ssshhhhhhh meg

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 01/01/2009 12:41

Oh FGS, she is not a nutter and she's not a "stupid cow".

You may sign all your cards like that but I'm guessing she doesn't. She is clearly worried about this kind of thing and your card has sparked this reaction. you card won't have been the cause but an additional thing that looks suspicious to her.

Ronaldinhio · 01/01/2009 12:47

yanbu

There is something fairly rotten in their relationship or perhaps her current state of mind that is making her act in this way.

She might be down about something so cut her some slack
I'd guess for one reason or another we have all been there at one time in our lives.
He might not be as sweet a partner as he seems to the outside world...she might have a great deal more on her plate than you know?

One question though, how does she have your number and you don't have hers?

Original poster
theboob · 01/01/2009 12:53

i do have her number,our babies go to the same nursery and have met up for coffee many times

soupdragon she IS a nutter ,random attacks on college tutors is not normal behavior IMO,and no maybe she does not sign cards that way but to react this way about a card is just stupid

OP posts:
Original poster
theboob · 01/01/2009 12:55

and when i say nutter i mean she could start a random attack on me.......not her mental state

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 01/01/2009 13:00

Sorry I was confused as you said you didn't have his number...not sure that calling him personally would have been an appropriate or useful response to this situation so perhaps for the best.

Please don't feel sorry for this man.
He isn't a prisoner.
You have no true understanding of him, his relationship, or this woman - his chosen partner.

I'm sorry you've been involved in this but perhaps behave in a way she has requested from now on?

Original poster
theboob · 01/01/2009 13:04

behave???????????
i have done nothing wrong but study and be in the same class as this man ,then send him a card as did everybody else in the class

i will behave in the same way as i did before,a grown woman married with 3 DC's who is at college to become a nurse

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 01/01/2009 13:16

I think it's fair to say that here is something about your closeness with her partner that she is unhappy with and that is what she kicked off about.

Maybe the way you signed your card maybe the time you spend with him.

It seems clear from your posts here that you have little respect for her or her feelings and have immediately branded her a nutter..
All I'm saying is that you don't have all the facts and if someone takes the trouble to call you and blurt their insecurities, fears or worries to me in whatever form take them on board and try to act accordingly.

People often go on the offensive when they feel threatened or cornered.

Original poster
theboob · 01/01/2009 13:25

i have to spend time with him we are in the same class

i thought we were friends,went shopping together and she has told me before about their relationship and i with mine

i sit in the same classroom as him and nothing else,i cant see how that is wrong

i dont spend any time with him at all out side the classroom,as for the card i will NEVER send anyone in college a card again although i have for years,thinking about it i sent on last year too and nothing was said,but if i stay away from him and never talk to him again would that not look strange?????

and why should i respect her ,when its clear she does not respect how i feel about this?

i am a nice person and i go out of my way to be nice to people as i did her ,and i dont want my reputation ruined by an insecure woman who is so so wrong

i feel better now i have ranted

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 01/01/2009 13:37

Glad you feel better for the rant

If you have a relationship with her, call her, meet her and spend some time with her trying to discover what made her feel this way
If she behaved this way her need for kindness is greater than your need to feel hurt and have a rant.

Try practising some of your niceness on her and help her out of this negative place.
You have the moral highground you can climb down and help her through

AuntieMaggie · 01/01/2009 13:52

I wouldn't be that cross with her - you don't know the history of their relationship. Maybe he has a history of cheating.

It's not worth wasting your energy on - you haven't done anything wrong and there is obviously a problem in their relationship.

I got funny with a friend of DP's (though only to DP) when we were having some trust issues because she said she wanted to go to the football with him. She hasn't seen him for years so it's not like they see each other or anything and I just found it really forward. Especially as she doesn't support his team etc. And the reason I wasn't going was it was a lads trip.

champagnerock · 01/01/2009 13:56

Oh dear, she has problems. Do not change your behaviour, she needs to change hers.

Original poster
theboob · 01/01/2009 13:57

i could understand that,but i dont want to spend time with him

but we will be at the same university ,although me one year behind as i'm taking time off to have a baby

but we will work in the same hospital prob for many years.....i will have a word because i cant have this for years to come,but i have told her she has upset me and she replyed IF im wrong then i'm sorry

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 01/01/2009 14:04

theboob, she sounds insane, she really does.

I'm amazed at the magnanimity of the posters who would be really nice to the woman in return. But if the op's only 'crime' is to sign a card love from, then I'd be really hard pushed to be civil towards the woman in the OP's place.

Going to football matches and wanting to spend time with the bloke are a completely different matter but a little card on his birthday signed in a way a lot of people sign off cards, is not justification in ringing up someone and accusing them of fooling around with ones partner....