To feel upset about my mum?

[MrsSnape]

Earlier this year my mum said her husband wanted to go away for christmas. She didn't seem as though she wanted to as it would mean not seeing my DS's but she came around and it got booked. I was a bit upset because I have no other friends or family around. I am a single parent and so knew this basically meant I'd be on my own all christmas.

I tried not to let it bother me but my grandma kept saying she thought my mum was a bit mean leaving me on my own all christmas. I saw my grandma a couple of days before christmas day so it didn't see 'too' bad but still a bit lonely and depressing.

Anyway, My mum was away from the 19th December until the 27th and when she got back she kept saying "oh I felt awful leaving you on your own all christmas, was you upset? was you depressed? bet you wish you had someone now, don't you?" etc but added "well, at least we will see you next christmas"

Anyway, she's just phoned and said "well, next christmas is all booked". I said "booked? what do you mean?" so she said "oh, we're going away again for christmas, and taking your grandma with us this time...I would have invited you but you won't be able to afford it will you?"

It's true, I wouldn't be able to afford it as we're going abroad in Oct but I'm a bit pissed off that they're going away again and this time, my grandma is going too (when she was the one saying they were being selfish last time) so I'm literally going to have nobody around next christmas at all.

Am I being selfish? I know I am really but I can't help feeling a bit down about it all. This christmas was a bit crap, me and the kids didn't see anyone at all from the 22nd until the 28th and it looks like next year is going to be even worse

Your mum sounds rubbish tbh. Bet if you had spent Xmas with her and her DH they wouldn't have been any fun anyway

If you can go on holiday with your ex mil,what about spending Christmas with her maybe?

I am so sorry for you - your mum sounds incredibly selfish. I think we assume that because someone is a mum they will always put their children firs and indeed put their lives on hold for them - i know i would. I think you had a lucky escape though - just imagine if she had condescended to not do her holiday, i think she would have constantly been reminding you of this and made you feel like shit.

I do think you have to be pro-active sometimes. I was this year and it was great. Every single year xmas is a bit dull, and ive always wanted to do a big family thing, but our families are just not into that so no one did it. So I did it this year. I think everyone was a bit but we had a great time. I was shattered by the end of it and it wasn't without stress but it was worth it. So next year, if you want to have people around you then you have to invite them - you say you were close to your cousins, so what about inviting a few of them either to xmas day dinner or for boxing day - that way they get to see their parents and you get to spend xmas day with your children. It doesn't have to cost, ask everyone to bring a dish of something and just provide crisps and nuts. Then it will be your mum who feels left out and rather wishing she hadn't been so selfish - but bollocks to her, her choice to isolate herself.

It's very petty and probably not terribly helpful, but I'd be inclined to be a bit less available for her if I were you, especially if you say she only calls on you when there's no one else around to amuse her.

HollyCherry has a good idea. I would do that too - be super-gracious and friendly whilst also being super-remote. Phase the buggers out.

That sounds really rubbish. My Mum is on her own and I make it a priority that she has company at Xmas, so will only make plans that don't include her if I know she's with my brother. I wouldn't knowingly leave someone on their own over Xmas. I've invited a friend over for the day before because her hubby was working.

I bet you have friends who would be more willing to be around than you realise.