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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feel upset by nurses 'care' of me. AIBU to feel like writing to the manager to complain?

39 replies

MoreThanChocolate · 30/12/2008 17:56

... after my miscarriage in October when I had a suspected infection and was very worried it had caused me to loose my baby I was given an emergencey appt with the nurse practitioner after begging and explaining the whole thing to the receptionist by phone(often hard to see a doctor at all!).

When I arrived the nurse practitioner came into the waiting room and said she knew the reason for my appointment and that it was sensitive and and asked would I let a student doctor sit in on the consultation. I said yes. I think I said yes because I was grateful for the emergency appointment and wanted to return the favour plus I am happy to support their learning ... up to a point and I was too upset and overwraught (sp?) to really think it through anyway.

It was decided I needed swabs etc. Once I was on the couch legs akimbo and behind a curtain latex gloves going on the nurse practitioner she said " is it ok for the student to come inside the curtain " surprised but somewhat compromised I said faintly " yes ok " and tightly shut my eyes only to hear that the doctor was showing the girl the view up my fanjo (she must have been a first year about 18 yrs old!)

When I got home and had time to think what had happened I felt used.

The nurse then said she would ring me with results on the following monday. I waited by the phone. She didn't. I rang on the moday pm, tuesday pm and wednesday pm and they wouldn't give me the results over the phone and she didn't return my call.

The thursday I went in and asked for an appointment to get my results and was given one for the next day with the male nurse. I was glad it wasn't going to be the same nurse practitioner. Later someone phoned me and changed the appointment time and guess what it was now with the original nurse practitioner. I went in under duress and she was off hand and short with me and I cried all the way home I wasn't even brave enough to mention anything of how she had made me feel either during the previous appointment or by not making sure I got my results sooner.

I am considering writing to the practice manager to complain. AIBU?

OP posts:

Tortington · 30/12/2008 18:00

i think you are a bit - she asked your permission - you could have said no.

if she was off hand - you can complan about that.

also complain about the seperate issue of getting appointments and results feedback

apostropheelingchristmassy · 30/12/2008 18:02

YABU. 18 year old students need to know what it looks like, same as 38 year old students.

CornBreadQueen · 30/12/2008 18:03

you're definitely NOT being unreasonable! you should not be made to feel that way with any healthcare professional. absolutely unacceptable for her to be that rude and inconsiderate to you. definitely write that letter!

deanychip · 30/12/2008 18:04

erm, this is sensitive but you gave consent.

To be honest, i think that you should write to the practice manager yes, if it were me, i wouldn dream of inviting any one else in...learner or not it is just innapropriate and should not have even been considered.

Privacy and dignity were not considered AT all for you and that is just awful awful awful.

brimfull · 30/12/2008 18:04

Well I am sorry about you miscarriage and about your feeling used.
I don't think there is anything wrong with the student observing your physical examination tbh.That is how they learn.Maybe you shouldn't have agreed to that.
I think that it is shoddy that you didn't get your results when she promised.

brimfull · 30/12/2008 18:04

deanychip · 30/12/2008 18:06

but there is a time and a place for learners to learn, i dont think that this was a good time under the cercumastances ESPECIALLY as the nurse acknowledged the fact that this is a sensitive situation. So soon after a miscarriage.

deanychip · 30/12/2008 18:06

"circumstances" meant to say, sorry

meemar · 30/12/2008 18:08

I would mention in a letter that you were unhappy about the delay in getting your results.

TBH I wouldn't complain about the student. She asked you, and you did agree. She also asked you again before she let the student in the curtain. Although you felt uncomfortable about it, she couldn't have known that.

So sorry you didn't feel a bit more supported and cared for.

brimfull · 30/12/2008 18:09

but learners need to learn in all types of situations and she did consent.
Sounds as if they might have been insensitive in their approach if you felt 'used'.You shouldn't have felt that at all.But you did consent and learners are exposed to all situations in the medical field.

3littlefrogs · 30/12/2008 18:09

I agree with deanychip. It is up to the qualified person to decide whether it is appropriate to invite a student in.

Consent given when the patient is distressed/stressed may not be considered valid. IMHO.

NAB3lovelychildren · 30/12/2008 18:09

I don't think you willingly gave consent tbh. Some people are not able to speak up when they want too. I would write the letter and see that as getting it off your chest and making your point as you might not get (any) the response you want.

NTSAA but I have written a letter of complaint about service in a shop and I know I will get nothing or crap back but at least I have made my point.

Upwind · 30/12/2008 18:10

Not unreasonable to write and complain - especially about the difficulty in getting your results.

ThingOne · 30/12/2008 18:10

You are being a bit unreasonable. You were asked your permission and you said yes. You may wish you hadn't but next time something like this happens you know you can say no.

Do you have a reason why you find it objectionable that a student doctor should be trained to examine you? If you do, you should probably try and address this rather than complain.

It's not good she didn't ring you back but I don't think it's enough to complain about. It will affect your future relations with the surgery. It might have been worth writing informally to the practice manager nearer the time but after a few months it's probably not worth it. "Off hand" is a bit too subjective and tbh, everyone has shit days and is less than perfect, so while upsetting and annoying it's not really worthy of a complaint.

I think you're probably better off learning from it and making sure you get what you want in the future. You can take some control of these things and you'll feel better if you do.

I say all of this form the POV of someone who has had too much frigging medical care in the past two years. I've learned how to get what I need. And if, one I day, I feel I am pushed around, the next time I go back and start again.

naturalbornmum · 30/12/2008 18:11

The way a womem is spoken to and generally treated at such a hardbreaking time can make such a difference to your well being. So no I don't think YABU but to be honest I would drop it and concentrate on getting yourself better.

Upwind · 30/12/2008 18:12

Learners do need to learn in all kinds of situations but this was not an appropriate situation for showing a student how to do a physical exam.

CornBreadQueen · 30/12/2008 18:12

i think that under a situation like that she put you under pressure so you're already exposed and kind of vulnerable and not really in a mind set to consider having two people look at you down there. i think she should have asked you about the student's examination with her WHILST she was talking to you about having the swab done. i would have been pretty flustered had i been in the same situation.

naturalbornmum · 30/12/2008 18:12

Did you have an infection BTW?

Original poster

MoreThanChocolate · 30/12/2008 18:13

It's probably as much my fault.

I don't think I felt able to say no really. Firstly in the waiting room in front of other pople and secondly when half undressed. I do want to help them but I just feel that maybe they asked too much. I know I said yes but I wish she hadn't asked me tbh especially since she had been told the reason for the appt and could probably see how distressed I was.

Last year at the fpc I let a trainee doctor fit a cap for me which the actual doctor had then to test and they both had to watch me try to insert it myself. In those circumstances though a bit odd I happlily helped them learn.

OP posts:

27 · 30/12/2008 18:15

You twice agreed to the student coming in, so IMO it wouldnt be reasonable for you to complain that aspect. You could have said no.

I think that you are entitled to expect people to phone you back when they say they will though.

deanychip · 30/12/2008 18:19

wow!
you have had to train allot of medical people with your fanjo havent you! {wink}

I still think that the nurse might have jsut sussed out the situation and talked to you before doing all of this.
I would feel the same as you tbh.

deanychip · 30/12/2008 18:21

meant to say dagnamit keybourd tonight...sigh

mosschops30 · 30/12/2008 18:23

YABU about the student, I was a student not so long ago and have had patients refusing to give consent for me to observe in all manner of situations (legs akimbo too) and that was fine by me, everyone had the right to say yes or no, and you said yes, twice.

YANBU about her attitude and poor service from your GP surgery so you could complain about that

Upwind · 30/12/2008 18:24

It is not your fault. She waited until you were in a very vulnerable position before asking if the student could come inside the curtain. I think it was inappropriate to even ask, under the circumstances. It was both unprofessional and unkind to fail to contact you with your results.

I don't think that asking could the student doctor sit in on the consultation was unreasonable though. They do have to learn to handle these.

plantsitter · 30/12/2008 18:40

It is worth writing about the way you were asked for your consent. in a busy waiting room is not appropriate imo. In fact I think you should have been given at least a few moments to think about it - the receptionist could easily have told everyone as they checked in there was a student accompanying the nurse and you could have told the nurse 'no' as you went in. They should also not have waited until you were on the couch, legs akimbo, before asking you if the student could look.

As for the delayed test results, definitely write.

To be fair, they won't know how distressing this was for you (and could be for other potentially vulnerable patients) unless you tell them. It doesn't have to be an arsy letter.

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