Feel upset by nurses 'care' of me. AIBU to feel like writing to the manager to complain?

[MoreThanChocolate]

... after my miscarriage in October when I had a suspected infection and was very worried it had caused me to loose my baby I was given an emergencey appt with the nurse practitioner after begging and explaining the whole thing to the receptionist by phone(often hard to see a doctor at all!).

When I arrived the nurse practitioner came into the waiting room and said she knew the reason for my appointment and that it was sensitive and and asked would I let a student doctor sit in on the consultation. I said yes. I think I said yes because I was grateful for the emergency appointment and wanted to return the favour plus I am happy to support their learning ... up to a point and I was too upset and overwraught (sp?) to really think it through anyway.

It was decided I needed swabs etc. Once I was on the couch legs akimbo and behind a curtain latex gloves going on the nurse practitioner she said " is it ok for the student to come inside the curtain " surprised but somewhat compromised I said faintly " yes ok " and tightly shut my eyes only to hear that the doctor was showing the girl the view up my fanjo (she must have been a first year about 18 yrs old!)

When I got home and had time to think what had happened I felt used.

The nurse then said she would ring me with results on the following monday. I waited by the phone. She didn't. I rang on the moday pm, tuesday pm and wednesday pm and they wouldn't give me the results over the phone and she didn't return my call.

The thursday I went in and asked for an appointment to get my results and was given one for the next day with the male nurse. I was glad it wasn't going to be the same nurse practitioner. Later someone phoned me and changed the appointment time and guess what it was now with the original nurse practitioner. I went in under duress and she was off hand and short with me and I cried all the way home I wasn't even brave enough to mention anything of how she had made me feel either during the previous appointment or by not making sure I got my results sooner.

I am considering writing to the practice manager to complain. AIBU?

morethanchoc, you were asked for your consent when you were distressed and in a compromised position. I think it is inappropriate for that nurse to ask any student, doctor or not, to sit in on the consultation, and if she did, to ask you in a less offhand way and when you were seated fully dressed. When I had a miscarriage, the nurse had a lovely bedside manner. I could not fault her.

I would definitely name her, complain about her poor behaviour at the first and subsequent consultation. It needs to go down on her record to flag up for better training.

BTW, I think anything to do with childbirth in hospital somehow puts women in a vulnerable position. I am quite bolshie by nature but do have instances where I regretted being 'nice' during my pregnancy/birth. I routinely ask to only be seen by female doctors and will refuse student spectators, especially if it involves anybody peering up by fanjo.

I don't like to cause a fuss but another time I'll try to think it over before I agree!!!

In that respect I accept it was my fault so it's wrong to write and complain.

Though I was prescribed and took my antibiotics the swabs came back negative but it was days after I finished the course that I found out the results.

Thanks everyone.

I think consent was very poorly handled. Any reasonable person would say it is not appropriate to ask for consent in a waiting room in front of other people and even less appropriate to ask for consent when someone is undressed and on an examination couch.

Sounds like the nurse needs to think very hard about her behaviour.

I'd write a calm, polite but firm letter, explaining what happened as you have here, and pointing out that consent given in public or when a patient is in a vulnerable position is not actually informed consent at all.

I would also detail all the hassle you had getting your test results. That is not on.

No, it really wasn't 'your fault' in any way at all! If you ask a GP trainer, or a nurse trainer, they would spot the problem straight off. You were in a vulnerable position. Health professionals know full well that they have to gain informed consent.

At any rate, your feedback would be very helpful so the nurse can stop and think about her practice. I was given a sweep without my consent - I'm sure the midwife didn't intend to assault me, she was just so used to doing sweeps on women in my situation that she went ahead without thinking. Didn't make it OK. I got an apology and an assurance that the midwifery team had adjusted their practice.

I don't think you can really complain about the student as you agreed. I agreed to have a student in when I had dd1 by c-section. The student stayed with the doctor throughout.

YANBU about the call backs though, if a nurse tells you he is going to call on a ceertain day, she should definately call even if it's only to say she was still waiting for results.

Hope you can manage to forget it more than choc. But remember to be strong for yourself next time you are asked. Glad you hadn't any horrible reason for being unhappy at having a student.

Hope all is well now.

My son's brain tumour was diagnosed by the student (taking the clinic) when the actual consultant (observing the student taking the clinic) had missed it - twice. She has since specialised in paediatric oncology and still remembers my son 13 years on. It's wonderful to see her at his annual check ups (how many times can one say thank you???) and I'm so very, very glad that she was there when we really needed her. Migraine my arse!!!!!

But... we were asked ahead of his appointment if we were happy for a student to lead at his appointment and it wasn't a done deal. Patients needs should come first and if you feel that you were in a vulnerable position before you were asked then yes you should complain. It sounds as though you feel you were ambushed and not in a position to object, which is very wrong. You should always feel able to say no.

YANBU.

You should not have been asked about the student in front of other people and the fact that it was sensitive should not have been mentioned in front of other people. That is in itself a reason to complain. The fact you didn't get your results back is also reason to complain.

Having said that, members of my family have had terrible treatment and I have never complained because I worry that it will not improve the service for others and will go down on our medical records.

I always try to refuse to see a nurse practioner. I want to see a nurse if it is for nurse type treatment and a doctor for a diagnosis. I have always felt pressurised by the receptionists to see nurse practioners for emergency appointments and I can only presume that they take the emergencies because people who booked earlier chose to see a doctor. I am amazed they (NPs) are allowed to train student doctors.

Eighteen sounds very young to be a student
docter.Bizarre as this sounds i recently went with a freind for a very sensitive bottom issue which involved various unpleasant examinations.

She was asked if she minded students being present and happily agreed. Afterwards consultant left the room for some reason and we got chatting to this girl. Assuming she was a student as described i asked her about her placements.

To our horror she replied that she on work experience and the consultant was her freinds father and had arranged the placement.
Although my freind was outraged at this she didnt want to complain as she needed ongoing treatment.

Years ago i had a very upsetting incident at antenatal with a student which involved repeated unnecessary internal exams . At the time i was too vulnerable and upset to say anything but nearly 10 years later i still feel outraged occasionally.

Also , you were asked if you minded student sitting in, she was not precise about what this would entail and thats wrong.

Personally i am angry on your behalf and would be firing of a letter, but it depends how you feel.
Only let it go if you truly can.

I'm a nurse and I agree totally with pantomimedame. YANBU, its not as easy as you were asked and you could have refused. Yes, students do need to learn whatever their profession and a doctor who has never been allowed to observe your symptoms would have missed out on a learning experience.

However, your confidentiality was breached when she mentioned in the waiting room that your issue was "sensitive". Your privacy and dignity was also breached twice, once when she spoke to you in the waiting room in front of everyone and secondly when she did not explain to you that the student would like to be part of the exam prior to you undressing for the exam. It is not about the whether what happened was right in the eyes of the MN majority, what matters is how YOU felt about the situation and this upset you and it needs to be addressed by the surgery.

Also, as a nurse, I would much rather someone told me I had not handled something well so that I could have the opportunity to learn from the situation and to apologise where appropriate.

I'm a nurse and I agree with Mimia.

Why they heck did she say promise to contact you with the results and then not bother? I never promise patients anything because something could happen outside of my control making it impossible to make good on my promise.

thanks everyone its nice to hear form those of you that are nurses too thanks for your support and for helpiing me clarrify in my own mind that it's the issue of how my consent was gained that bothers me most

omg inlawoutlaw what a nightmare for your friend I bet she still feels anoyed about it now like you do and I do and deepinlaundry , pantomimedame and some others who posted similar experiences

it is a problem that it can be hard to complain/explain when we need an ongoing relationship with the surgery

I really would complain if I were you. I felt much better when I did because it's much less likely that anyone else will be treated the same way. I could have sued (there were other aspects of my care that were very poor), or raised merry hell, but feel I've achieved much more with a polite but firm complaint And Mimia's right, feedback will help the nurse to learn.