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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hide the dc's nice toys upstairs in their room and.....

31 replies

PinkPoinsettias · 30/12/2008 14:26

leave all the plastic tat in the playroom where it can be merrily demolished by them and their friends?

and by friends i actually mean one friend in paticular who seems to be some sort of human demolitian ball and has already been banned from ever setting foot upstairs due to the risk of her flooding the house/trashing my room/stripping all the beds/emptying all the drawers

they have some lovely toys they got for xmas like a big wooden dolls house that i can't stand the thought of seeing ripped to pieces but i am beginning to wonder if it's a bit over the top to hide away all the nice stuff?

OP posts:
whoingodsnameami · 30/12/2008 14:27

Hide it for sure.

12StoneNeedsToBe10 · 30/12/2008 14:28

Absolutely not!!! Keep the good stuff out of harms way so to speak. We spend a lot of money on our DCs' toys so why should somebody else's unruly DC change that.

YANBU.

aGalChangedHerName · 30/12/2008 14:33

I am waiting for my sil (ex) to arrive with her 2 boys. I have put all nice/new stuff in playroom and have old bits here in living room so i can see what they are doing at all times.

Have decided they are not allowed in playroom today

Original poster
PinkPoinsettias · 30/12/2008 14:34

phew.... dp was giving me that look when i suggested it last night so have been wondering if it was a step too far.

it shouldn't affect my 2 too much, they're allowed up and downstairs as they wish... except when aforementioned child is in tow

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 30/12/2008 14:45

not unreasonable at all. i do it. so it can't be lol

we have similar friends who trash things, one in particular whose mother doesn't see fit to control her at all. i mean, if you let your kids do whatever they want at home that's up to you, but surely if you're at someone else's house you stop them????

Weegle · 30/12/2008 15:02

I do this too. One little girl is so willfully destructive that the stairgate (which is NEVER shut now) is shut to stop her going upstairs. I once caught her sticking her fingers in a lovely cake I had iced for a joint party - it was out of reach and she had piled things up to reach it. She's broken numerous toys and lost pieces of others that I just don't want her breaking DS' favourites, it wouldn't be fair on him. Before the stairgate and no upstairs rule I once caught her emptying mine and DH's bedside tables, I think hiding the best toys is fair play.

poetmum · 30/12/2008 15:21

YANBU! We have a neighbour who won't put toys away, leaves them all over the garden and has ruined a few toys. I actually think he might be a bit jealous and does it on purpose.

Now, there are toy categories: inside toys, outside toys and home education toys. He is never allowed to touch the HE toys which are on a top shelf in the family room. (I'm not running up and down stairs because a little boy is destructive.) I made the rules really clear and send him home when he doesn't listen.

Your solution sounds really reasonable. If your dc are happy playing in their room with their favourite toys, then that great!

TheSweetLittleBunny · 30/12/2008 15:23

YANBU. But... how do you stop them all going upstairs?

thisisyesterday · 30/12/2008 15:34

we have a stairgate up. if any children we have over try and open it i just go out and tell them they aren't allowed up there

overweightnoverdrawn · 30/12/2008 15:35

you tell them no .

eandh · 30/12/2008 15:44

No both the dd's have nicer stuff in there rooms (the dolls house is in dd1 room) everyday stuff in playroom, certain friends I dont mind going upstairs but of they are little (ie under 3) I prefer them downstairs as lots of small bits and pieces in dd1 room

ketal · 30/12/2008 15:57

I do exactly the same. My grandfather made my DD a doll's house a few years ago, and some boys cam round and broke some windows on it, a few months after we got it. I have now put that and other 'special' toys upstairs and am very selective about which children I allow my DD to take upstairs. If I don't trust them, then I make them play downstairs in the playroom where I can keep an eye on them! Its just sensible imo.

Original poster
PinkPoinsettias · 30/12/2008 16:21

TSLB... if they head that direction i say 'no'!

this paticular child will wait til she thinks i'm out of earshot and then tell dd that they should go play upstairs.... at which point i materialise out of whereever i've been lurking and stop them

her own house is a tip, her mother is no better than her and she thinks anything she sees is fair game.... thinks nothing of going to the bathroom to drag water all over the house or wrecking my bedroom which my 2 for all their naughtiness would never do as they know damn well there'd be war!

last time i did let them upstairs she pulled all dd's clothes out of the drawers, pushed ds off a bed and jumped on him and totally trashed the room. one day over the summer she decided to bring every single toy from the playroom out into the muddy garden (including big ones like the play kitchen and shop!) her mother was there and made no attempt to stop her and she blithely ignored me saying 'X i think that's enough toys out here now' through gritted teeth

certain kids i won't mind letting run loose around the house with my 2 but this child and one or 2 others i like to keep contained!

OP posts:
LucyEllensmummy · 30/12/2008 16:27

Blimey pink, does this girl and her mother have ANY redeeming qualities?

TheSweetLittleBunny · 30/12/2008 16:31

and you're letting them back in your house

We knew a boy who used to trash DS's room like this - not his fault as he is autistic, but I just stopped inviting them round and we either meet round theirs or outside. DS doesn't see him much now and last time he was here he headed straight upstairs, I was so stressed while he was here I vowed never again. You are a better woman than I PinkPoinsettias.

Original poster
PinkPoinsettias · 30/12/2008 16:46

lucy, not paticularily but she's dd's best friend and i don't want to be the type of mother who dictates who her children can play with

also it's a tiny village, 16 kids at the playschool and not all of them going into school next year yet it's the biggest group going into junior infants in years... the school only has 80 pupils all told! so not many alternatives for dd if i start to ban certain kids from the house!

OP posts:
poetmum · 30/12/2008 16:47

Pink, I guess I have to ask, what are you getting out of this relationship? LittleBunny has a point.

The boy with whom we have trouble is always good when his Mum is around. He even suggests that she go home when she does have time to stay for a chat. (Indicating he wants to be naughty at our house.) So, I just stay on top of them when she is not around.

But, your two characters defy any logic as to why you'd keep having them around.

Original poster
PinkPoinsettias · 30/12/2008 16:57

i don't have her around a huge amount tbh as the mother's too lazy to walk the few hundred metres up the road to get here but dc3 is due next month and she smokes in her house so i won't be going there with baby in tow so i guess that means her dd will be here far more often.... yippee

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 30/12/2008 17:15

both parent and chils sound awful - cant veelive neither respects someone elses property

i understand that you want to try and save your childs toys from being broken,and do think a good ida to take away the nice ones but think a firm no to this child as well

he needs to be told that he cant break toys and that his mum also has to be told that her child is running riot and that your child gets upset when things get broken

naturalbornmum · 30/12/2008 17:23

YANBU, But I would'nt have children like that in my house, their behaviour is unacceptable.

onthepier · 30/12/2008 19:31

My friend's son who's 4, will always put a toy of ours in his pocket just before it's time for them to leave. It was my dd who noticed it, (apparently it happens when me + my friend are saying goodbye + arranging the next meet-up), so I've got wise to it now + manage to stop him before the toy reaches his pocket! Very difficult for me to do in front of his mum, but I can't stand by + let him take playmobile, Polly Pocket or any other favourite toys of my dc's.

Neither of my dc's want him in the house anyway, so I may need to start seeing my friend when they're all at school/nursery. She does insist that he gives things back, but I don't feel I can trust him as he has a tendency to go in every room + open all the cupboards when he's here.

starbear · 30/12/2008 19:45

Put it upstairs. My Ds has a lovely friend with attached lovely Mum. My Uncle brought Ds a remote car. Lovely friend's DS broke it within 5 mins of walking through the door. I was a little upset as I haven't seen my uncle (lives in Spain) for 5-6 years. How do I tell him that a friend broke the car! Friend looked abit sheepish I said it didn't matter (BUT IT DOES) So to avoid that social faux par best toys in cupboards until they become old toys.

babymt · 30/12/2008 19:59

I am so glad you started this post!!!!!

I have basically been refusing to adjust my household because of another childs destructive nature but now I'm starting to think I should just put special toys out of the way as the worst culprit (dd1's 3.5 yo best friend) came round on sat (I wasn't here but dh was) and ruined dd2's xmas toy (a small peice of tat) and dd1's special father christmas present (the ONLY thing she asked father christmas for). So I'm giving in and will put it all away. Its really quite sad and unfair on the other kids.

Said boy is coming round on NY's along with our 2 dc's and our neice + nephew. All other kids will be fine and not ruin things (actually neice will but shes only 2 and her mum actually does something about it...also I'm more placed to tell neice off unlike this friend who I'm not allowed to ).

Said boy has also broken a puzzle before to the point I had to bin it as it was unusable. He's bent sunglasses so I threw them away. He's drawn on a chair. Ripped books. Threw Elefun (and how heavy is that???) at my dc's the other day too. He's always hitting my dc's with sticks, toys, etc. I've had a concorde in my face and dh has had a book in his. AND I caught him with the hot tap on full blast in our bathroom which is incredibly dangerous not only for him but for my dd's as the water is 70 degrees!

What REALLY bugs me is that the parents just go "say sorry" which he does and thats the bloody end of it. No...you've done this wrong and upset so and so. Just say sorry!

Feeling a bit stuck between a rock and a hard place. Parents of this boy are long standing friends but its been over 2 years of this behaviour and its getting me down. I had a word about a year ago about it and it went down like a ton of bricks. It got too much when he was beating up my 1 year old dd. I don't tend to have them over to my house or go over to theirs because of his behaviour and we just meet out somewhere.

Sorry rambling. Anyway I feel I was being a bit stubborn in refusing to put things away coz he's coming over and I've now realised I should just do it and avoid him ruining anything special.

babymt · 30/12/2008 20:03

AND said boy told my dd that he didn't want to be friends with her anymore which has really upset her as shes a bit wussy sensitive.

Starting to wonder why I see this child at all!

thisisyesterday · 30/12/2008 20:16

gosh, some nightmare "friends" here lol

i have to say that I am pretty firm and tell visiting children exactly what they can and can't touch etc, even if parent is there. well, if parent isn't doing anything.
ie, the other day we had a child round who was jumping on sofa- not that big a deal I grant you, but we do NOT jump on the sofa. mum didn't say anything so i just said "X, can you get down now pelase, we don't jump on the sofa in this house"

there really is nothing wrong with telling children not to do things in your own home. I def have a friend who lets her children do pretty much as they please and I really tyhink she is genuinely oblivious a lot of the time as to how bad their behaviour is and how unacceptable it is at other people's houses. I have no qualms in telling her 4 yr old not to touch certain things or not to behave in certain ways.

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