Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really upset with my best friend?

66 replies

CrackopentheBaileys · 29/12/2008 17:43

Bloody Tax Credits, they cause nothing but grief!

I have a real dilema here and would very much appreciate some sound advice.

I am a childminder, and very soon I will be looking after my very best friend's son.

All is grand, really looking forward to having him, and as she is a good friend I reduced my fee's for her, so I am actually losing out on £80 per month.

She said she was very grateful, but she has now told me that she has told tax credits that she is paying me more than she actually is. So much so that she is getting more than she is paying me, by around £100 a month, and she will save it up to go towards a holiday next year.

OH MY GOD

What the hell do I do here?

A) I simply cannot believe that she is lying to tax credits. I know that we all have different moral compasses but blimey, pushing the limits a bit there!

B) How can she possibly think that this is ok, when I have forfeited £80 to help her out?!

I am shocked and I don't know what to do. She really is my best friend, and in all other aspects she is awesome.
I don't think she has connected the two to be honest, and I am feeling very hurt that she hasn't considered this at all.

Phew, sorry for the long post......

BUT WHAT WOULD YOU DO???

OP posts:
Original poster
CrackopentheBaileys · 29/12/2008 18:05

good point gal, and I really don't want that to happen
I feel taken advabtage of already and I havn't even started minding him yet

OP posts:
MuthaHoHoHubbard · 29/12/2008 18:05

tc and your self employed taxes are both under the 'inland revenue' umbrella i think??

couldn't you say something about the tax man doing checks on your income/expenditures, taxes etc and they will see things don't tally?

does she actually realise how much out of pocket you will be?

AbbaFan · 29/12/2008 18:06

I would tell her that you have re-thought and only offered to do a discount to help her out, and since she is getting the full amount in TC's you want to paid in full.

Picante · 29/12/2008 18:06

This is why no childminder should look after a friend's child. Never ever works.

ssd · 29/12/2008 18:08

is she really much of a friend?
does she think that you won't mind?
sounds like she's a bit too self centred too me

Original poster
CrackopentheBaileys · 29/12/2008 18:08

yeah she know Mutha, when she asked me how much it would be I told her the 'regular' price and her price.
I just wanted to help her as she's been in the shit with money and I could manage without it. However, £80 is £80 and now I know she can afford it I'm getting quite upset about it

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 29/12/2008 18:08

the time to mention it was when she told you she was scamming the credits...you should have really aid ' in that case I don't really need to discount you do I....?'

or if you weren't bothered about her scamming the IR then you could have suggested that you split the dfference.

aGalChangedHerName · 29/12/2008 18:09

God i don't know what i would do. I previously CM'd for a girl i know but not a friend IYSWIM?

I got a call from TC to ask about hours/money etc and i found out in that call that every time i had the little girl her mum wasn't working but making TC claims

To the tune of thousands of £££££££ over two years. I had no idea she wasn't working for most of it. Gave notice immediatly but it spoiled what had become a sort of "friendship"

hatwoman · 29/12/2008 18:10

how about telling her that you've had another parent ask for a place that you'd charge full whack for; and telling her that you're saving up for a holiday (ahem, hint hint) this year and the £80 a month would make a huge difference....

and see what she says. is it possible that she just doesn;t get it that you're actually forfeiting £80? I suspect not - as far as she's concerned she's paying you xx which she probably thinks is great for you both and she's just not realised that by taking her dc you can;t take another and are in fact losing out.

Original poster
CrackopentheBaileys · 29/12/2008 18:11

I think I need to just try to forget about it. If I confront her it will just cause upset, and I don't want that.
I need to disassociate the two things, be happy that I have helped a friend and let the tax credits thing be her issue.
I guess that would work.
I take it I could just plead ignorance to the amount she claims right?

OP posts:
LiffeyAgSnamhAnLaCoille · 29/12/2008 18:11

Tell her honestly that you don't want to enter into the arrangement of looking after her son when you feel a little bit put out about the way the money side of things has been handled.

My friend looked after a friend's son and I got pissed off on her behalf. It's so hard to tell a friend 'actually, I'm raising my fees because it doesn't make any difference if your child is YOUR child, it's still hard work'.

hatwoman · 29/12/2008 18:12

reading some of these responses sounds to me like you need to tell her that the tc people do check childminding fees and you can't lie.

aGalChangedHerName · 29/12/2008 18:13

They DO check!!!

As long as parent signs for the correct amount Crack you will be ok. It's her issue if she gets caught.

dmo · 29/12/2008 18:16

i would tell her that if tax creidt phoned you to check all you do is photocopy the cash part paid by parents to you and send it in (this is what i really do) as the cash paid is signed by both yourself and the parent (NCMA)

my aunt wanted me to look after my cousin but i just said i didnt have any places (i did) but friends/family and money dont mix

good luck

Original poster
CrackopentheBaileys · 29/12/2008 18:16

To clarify, I'm not happy with her cheating tax credits but I'd NEVER rat on a friend, I know that sounds bad but thats how it is

And yes hat, that sounds like a good idea. I'll tell her that if IR call and ask how much she is paying I won't lie because it will effect MY credits and I'm not gonna break the law for her!
Maybe that could make her think twice about her claim

Whilst I'm writing this I'm thinking Jesus, Tax credits are bloody easy for people to scam huh?!

OP posts:
hatwoman · 29/12/2008 18:17

if you forget about it now what happens if the tc people call you? you won;t have to "plead ignorance" as it's not your job to be a guardian of your friend's affairs but you will have to answer their questions. what if your friend asks you to lie? I think you should make clear now to her that this situation could arise and you won;t be lying. otherwise it could be really messy. I so bet she hasn't thought all this throuhg.

hatwoman · 29/12/2008 18:17

cross posted!

Clayhead · 29/12/2008 18:17

They definitely check up. I help at a pre-school where people can book extra sessions and we get calls and letters from HMRC fairly regularly, just to double check.

Original poster
CrackopentheBaileys · 29/12/2008 18:18
Grin
OP posts:
Quattrocento · 29/12/2008 18:21

Sorry if someone has already posted this but I would be very careful. You are at personal risk here.

You are being drawn into a criminal offence. It is perfectly possible for all the agencies involved to join up all the dots.

Miggsie · 29/12/2008 18:24

Why are you best friends with this person?

She is diddling you out of £80 a month AND using the situation to line her own pockets which may get you into trouble with the tax people.

She has YOU as her best friend because...you will let her diddle you out of £80 a month and won't say anything about the tax credits either.
I suspect she'll start taking the piss in sorts of other ways too and you clearly are never actually going to protest about anything she does so she can get away with it.

Original poster
CrackopentheBaileys · 29/12/2008 18:26

gotta be honest Quattro, I doubt that very much.

They couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery IMO

OP posts:
aGalChangedHerName · 29/12/2008 18:29

The girl i posted about is being pursued for £££££££££ Crack so they do occasionally get it right Although you are right most of the time they are useless!!

Original poster
CrackopentheBaileys · 29/12/2008 18:30

Miggsie, we have been great friends for 8 years and been a huge support through a lot of turmoil.

Thats why she's my best friend. This is one storm in a very happy friendship, which is why I'm soooooo [shocked] and asking for advice.

If it was anyone else I'd tell them where to shove it, but I greatly value our friendship, and I believe that she does too. I really don't think that she has connected the discount and the tax credits at all. A bit thoughtless? Yes. A good reason to end an 8 year friendship? Me thinks not

OP posts:
ShinyPinkShoes · 29/12/2008 18:30

I think I would have a chat with her and just make her aware that the tax credits people do check up with childcare providers at times.

Tell her that you are her friend but are also running a business and could not lie to them as that could put your livelihood at stake and YOU PERSONALLY at risk of prosecution.

In terms of the discount thing- that is trickier. Did you offer it or was it requested?
If you offered it then presumably you wanted to save her money- up to her how she saves it and what she uses it for in my opinion. If she was pleading poverty and leading you to believe she couldn't afford full fees then that's a completely different kettle of fish...

Swipe left for the next trending thread