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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think XP shouldn't have given me....

94 replies

MotherChristmas2OliverJames · 29/12/2008 01:49

a multipack christmas card from DS for his first christmas?

It could have least been a mummy card!

And it was 3 days late.

Do you think i am being ungrateful or not?

I just wanted one i could keep to remember DS' first christmas with.

OP posts:
ShinyPinkShoes · 29/12/2008 01:51

I would be thankful he got you one at all to be honest.

Friends of mine who are still with their partners were not so lucky!

Original poster
MotherChristmas2OliverJames · 29/12/2008 01:54

I don't think i would have done if i hadn't asked him about it afterwards, he gave me the card today.

OP posts:
NCBirdy · 29/12/2008 01:56

No he shouldn't but did he know that was something you wanted, could he have thought that your Mum or someone would take care of it, are you on good enough terms that you can really expect him to think about little things like that?

Once a relationship is over IMO it becomes a family responsiblity to sort out cards and gifts for parents until there is a new partner on the scene when it passes to them! Your son is a little young of course but I would expect that a member of your family/partner would take him out shopping for your card/gift or help him make your card/gift not your xp.

Original poster
MotherChristmas2OliverJames · 29/12/2008 01:57

Really? so who gets XP a card from DS?

OP posts:
NCBirdy · 29/12/2008 02:02

His family/partner.

If neither of you are in a position for that to work then I would make the effort to be sure ds has something to give but usually I would not expect an ex partner to take care of it!

solo · 29/12/2008 02:04

I disagree! why should it become another partners responsibility to buy cards and or gifts for a child to give his/her Mum? It should be the job of the parents ~ both parents for the other.
I gave Dd's Dad a card to Daddy for her and believe me, I'd quite like to drown him atm. He didn't give me a Mummy card from her though. Not even sure he gave a card from her at all...I didn't put any Christmas cards up

My parents used to give me cards from my Ds, but his father has never been around in his life to do it, so does not apply.

TWINSETofbigfatcocks · 29/12/2008 02:06

I posted a reply but it has disapeared.

I get a card from a box set from my exh, although he tends to buy nice cards ( it must be the money he saves npt paying maintenance ) I never expect anymore and think it is quite nice of him tbh.

He does not see dd very often so but when he did he would sometimes buy me token present for dd to give me but that stopped when I met my partner.

I do think it is really the reponsibility of family as NC says. Before I met current dp my mum used to buy a present from dd to me.

I buy my exh birthday/xmas presents and do proper cards but I am excpetionally nice.

TWINSETofbigfatcocks · 29/12/2008 02:07

Because solo when you start a relationship with someone with a child IMO you take on responsibilities too.

Original poster
MotherChristmas2OliverJames · 29/12/2008 02:08

We had agreed to get each other stuff from DS but to buy for our own families from DS, he did get me a lovely ornament, was just disappointed at no card.

I am a card horder

OP posts:
NCBirdy · 29/12/2008 02:10

Solo, I would if there was no partner/family, but, once there is a partner (I mean a real one not a visiting girlfriend) they have a realtionship with your dc and the person the card or gift is intended for, they know what they want and would appreciate. I think it is part of Christmas with that family, the same with a birthday. Your xps birthday is not any occasion to you it is an occasion for the other part of your dcs family IYSWIM.

I do not mean any of this as being nasty or difficult. I wouldn't not get a card to be mean, I simply see it as being something that is taken care of "in-house". (I think I may be explaining this badly though!)

makingafamily · 29/12/2008 02:10

I'm trying to figure out how to start a thread as i can't breathe righty now? Help???

Original poster
MotherChristmas2OliverJames · 29/12/2008 02:12

Whay can't you breathe?

To start a new title in AIBU click on the 'add new thread' under the title of this thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
MotherChristmas2OliverJames · 29/12/2008 02:12

*why

OP posts:
solo · 29/12/2008 02:13

So, you have a new boyfriend of say 10 weeks, it looks like he 'might' be around for a while and it's his new responsibility to buy you a gift and card from your child? I don't think so! No. I'm not convinced of that, sorry. He has no tie to your child/ren...maybe after a few years of being together, when your Dc's accept him as a key figure in their family...maybe.

NCBirdy · 29/12/2008 02:13

I do understand why you are upset M2OJ, it is nice to have all those firsts and a card is one of them too. TBH, I would put this one behind you and make sure that your first birthday card/mothers day card comes from soemone who is more aware of how important this is to you!

nappyaddict · 29/12/2008 02:13

YABU - why would you want a card off someone you see every day? especially a card that DS can't even choose or write on.

NCBirdy · 29/12/2008 02:14

Solo, as I said in my post "once there is a partner (I mean a real one not a visiting girlfriend) they have a realtionship with your dc and the person the card or gift is intended for"

You are right 10 weeks would not count, no.

NCBirdy · 29/12/2008 02:16

Makingafamily, are you ok?
If you really cannot breath and you do not have a known reason for it call an ambulance. If it is not quite that bad ring NHS direct who will probably tell you to go to A&E anyway!

solo · 29/12/2008 02:19

I just think that the parents ought to be adult enough to make sure that the children they've made between them have a special card to give to the other parent.

TWINSETofbigfatcocks · 29/12/2008 02:20

I agree solo and this is why I buy my exh birtday presents , christmas presents but sometimes life is not that simple.

NCBirdy · 29/12/2008 02:21

Of course, because it has to be about being childish doesn't it

Ok, you have your opinion, I will have mine.

solo · 29/12/2008 02:23

I understand that TS, I do...
I'm for bed I think. night.

NCBirdy · 29/12/2008 02:29

Yep, that was the time of night coming through, sorry

I meant that, it is not childish to allow your dc to have that side of things taken care of by their other family. TBH, I find it slightly creepy to have gifts from an ex that are clearly chosen by the ex and have little or no input from my dc. It is more like they have come from the ex than the child IYSWIM.

I would never leave a parent or child in a position of not having a gift on birthday or christmas but I would expect that to be taken over once a new family unit is established properly.

makingafamily · 29/12/2008 02:29

I acnt breathe. Thinkin about doin 999?

NCBirdy · 29/12/2008 02:31

If you really can't breath then YES call them! If you don't need an ambulance they will advise you what to do next.

Call them NOW!